[bobdaduck]

Most of my life I've been having troubles with my mom, who's an ESTP. Now that I'm a teenager, all the annoying things she does are magnified. She acts like I'm not trustworthy, even though I've never lied to her. She treats me like a little kid, but expects me to act like an adult. She plays the blame game; I don't think she's ever admitted something is her fault. Her standard response to anything I do that she doesn't like is to threaten me, which happens about three times a day. I find that the only way to avoid having her carry out her threat is to do exactly what she wants, to the letter, exactly when she asks for it to be done. Sometimes she seems to get mad at me without having asked me to do anything yet, and when she is in a bad mood, everyone in my family suffers the consequences.

Does anyone have any tips for me to deal with her? The only solution I've found is to move out.

[njchick]

Is your mother ESTJ? Is she more towards scheduling, planning, expecting perfection? My sister is ESTJ and your description sounds more like her mothering skills than mine.

[bobdaduck]

She got ESTP. I feel that maybe outwardly she displays symptoms of ESTJ, but her mind works like an ESTP.

I don't understand her at all, so I'm not really able to answer very accurately.

[GTBean]

Well, I'm an ESTP, and the thing that drives me the most crazy in others is strong P characteristics. (Maybe seeing what I don't like in myself?) Whatever. It seems the only thing that irks me and gets me on my roommates back is Perceiver traits. The fact that you're a Perceiver I could see many household things that would conflict between you and your mother. The fact that you're a teenager and in chemical overload I'm sure doesn't help.

Advise? Do what she asks with a smile and joke/tease her about it.

mom: "DO THE DAMN DISHES."
you: "yeth math-ter..." and shuffle off dragging your feet like a retarded hunchback.


Don't take it so personally. Make her laugh. Your teenage years will be much less painful.

[TreeBob]

I think Bean has it pretty well. I find my NF (and I assuming he is an NF) kid to be the hardest for me to deal with. I am juts not good with the complex emotions. I just need him to do what I say when I say it and he doesn't. ESTP aren't good at coddling and feeling empathy.

[njchick]

She got ESTP. I feel that maybe outwardly she displays symptoms of ESTJ, but her mind works like an ESTP.

I don't understand her at all, so I'm not really able to answer very accurately.

I think Bean had some good advice for you because we always love a good laugh. I have an ENFP teenager and while she is such a great kid her procrastination can get under my skin. I think even more difficult is that she is perfectly fine doing nothing and I am a doer. I can be very critical with her more than my other children.

We are doers and sometimes don't understand why someone doesn't just know what needs to be done. We want our kids to want to do so that they will be happy, independent and successful. Of course this is because it's what makes US happy. Try explaining to her what makes you happy.

Perhaps your mom thinks that the only way to get results from you is to go to the extremes. As a teenager, you most likely don't hear her until she is at her wits end. We are very direct parents, try listening to her before she gets to that state of mind.

[ptbarnum]

Bean and the others pretty much hit it right on IF your mother is estp. EX: most estp parents i know and myself included expects you to put in effort immediately once she/he has asked you to do a certain task. Immediate recognition or action to what she wants will go a long way even if you dont complete the task fully, the estp wants instant gratification in action from you because their mind is off to another 6-7 things that could and should be done.

Do some little things for her (dishes, pick up or clean one of the bathrooms when shes not there) out of the blue which would be unexpected and very appreciated by her. She will begin think you are starting to come around--- sort of speak. She will reciprocate in lending and ear to some things that really matter to you and you will begin to communicate better.

Communication is FIRST to an estp and in her mind she asked, she expects an answer right away if you don't and you begin to ummmm errrr uhhhh you must be hiding something or there is something else going on... In her mind everyone has a motive or an agenda and she wants to find it out! Trust is earned, not given to an estp...

Like Bean said, humor or word play goes a long way as well. my 12 yr old daughter scored an ENP and I think she'll be an ENFP as she matures... Now this girl is National Honor Society, scored a 6 on Istep for creative writing 2 years in a row, Math Bowl 3rd in state, softball, music and best friend to every friggin kid in school...
Then, quite often, she does some of the dumbest shit EVER that makes absolutely no sense to me, a slob, cant/wont pick up after herself yadda yadda. I asked her not to do something again like she just did and low and behold, 5 mins later she DOES IT AGAIN!!! I go, Emma you are sooo smart but yet you are like the Scarecrow from OZ you don't HAVE a BRAIN!!! She stands up looks me straight in the eye and goes " Well AT LEAST I HAVE A HEART!"...

I freeze and say to myself, I just got check mated by a 12 yr old...! I begin to laugh so hard I thought i was gonna pee my pants. I told her to remind me to never use that analogy-metaphor again with her! LMAO.

Hope some of my LONG winded reply helps you with your issues with her in the future and above all else NEVER take it real personal, let it get to you or get discouraged. You will only exacerbate your problems with her in f\the fore see-able future.

[bobdaduck]

Thanks everyone. I'll try all that, it sounds like it'll work.