I've mentioned it before, but I married my infj.

We didn't do the mbti until 3 months after our marriage. It really helped to explain a lot of the issues we encountered in our 8 year past. Our mutual understanding of each other's needs have made our relationship very strong. Of course there are still problems here and there but they get resolved much quicker now.

In short, we have an oxymoronic relationship, we love each other so much, we could kill each other.

 

Actually dating an ESTP right now. She is so much fun. Very outgoing... She just seems so free. I kind of want to reel her in and make her my own. It's like fishing for a shark or something. You try to land it, it's like this big fight. They are these crazy creatures full of life. And if you pull too hard, she'll just snap the line and swim away.

 

The feeling is mutual. At times the shark likes to be reeled in. ;-)

It is all in the sport.

 

I'm actually interested in an ESTp and it's so confusing
because on one hand there's like a magnetic pull and we have a lot of fun together and he can be really sweet and nice when he needs to be
and it sort of feels like I'm almost obsessed with him?
but then he's very elusive about how he feels and just sort of sticks to flirting, never really making it clear one way or the other. I wonder if there's a certain way to flirt with ESTps...

 

I think I am in a similar boat with my ESTP. She is enthusiastic, but she isn't very romantic. Yet anyway. Only been dating her for a few weeks. But it seems like her vibe towards me is more of excitement, and mine is more of passion. Which I think could actually turn out well. But it awkward in the beginning. We kind of want to get down to business, and they want to play.

 

What are ur experiences with relationships between ESTPs and INFJs?

I’ve had a relationship with an ESTP, and we still keep in contact as friends. He’s certainly never boring to hang around with, but I just can’t see myself in a long term romantic relationship with someone so opposite me!

 

I dated an ESTP once. It was just, crazy. A constant thunderstorm. We acted like the same person, but yet were so different inside that it provided the conflict that keeps you interested. It ended up being more like a case of the sun burning through its fuel supply so fast it bloated up and then collapsed into a turd floating through space. Getting over it was the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.

I would most likely do it again if the opportunity arose. It's just, like, magnetism.

 

I think the INFJ/ESTP relationship has the potential to work extremely well in some cases. The ESTP I am with was not very attractive to me as a person when I first met him (I generally do not like ESTPs on first inspection) but he was persistent in his interest for years and he amused me, is pretty street smart as am I so I trust him not to do certain things and our ability to communicate effectively with each other was beyond excellent so I kept him as a friend until we got involved deeper.

It is a pretty good relationship in many important ways and I would be very willing to date another ESTP in the future but I think I might soon be leaving this one. In many ways he is naturally many of the things I have long hated in myself, like he can be really impulsive and I have long disliked my own periodic impulsiveness. Main insurmountable problem is that we have what in my opinion are terrible J/P issues. I am not the firmest judging type around but I am trying to be more focused and get certain things done and he procrastinates with just about everything not work related, this is stressful and de-energizing for me on many levels. I do not think he inspires or activates me at all but maybe we just have different goals in life and so I hope that when we do separate eventually that I will find someone with all his good qualities but life goals which are similar to mine.

 

I think the INFJ/ESTP relationship has the potential to work extremely well in some cases. The ESTP I am with was not very attractive to me as a person when I first met him (I generally do not like ESTPs on first inspection) but he was persistent in his interest for years and he amused me, is pretty street smart as am I so I trust him not to do certain things and our ability to communicate effectively with each other was beyond excellent so I kept him as a friend until we got involved deeper.

It is a pretty good relationship in many important ways and I would be very willing to date another ESTP in the future but I think I might soon be leaving this one. In many ways he is naturally many of the things I have long hated in myself, like he can be really impulsive and I have long disliked my own periodic impulsiveness. Main insurmountable problem is that we have what in my opinion are terrible J/P issues. I am not the firmest judging type around but I am trying to be more focused and get certain things done and he procrastinates with just about everything not work related, this is stressful and de-energizing for me on many levels. I do not think he inspires or activates me at all but maybe we just have different goals in life and so I hope that when we do separate eventually that I will find someone with all his good qualities but life goals which are similar to mine.

Maybe you two just need time alone for self-impovement and then give yourselves a chance?.

 

Here is some solid advice for Estps trying to bag an infj: How to Love a Girl Who Doesn't Know How to Be Loved. | elephant journal

It's not easy and heres why.
1. Being patient goes against the very fiber of our existence.

2. Talking is easy! Agreeing and being supportive is not. We will want to counter argue a lot of what anyone says because we are always fucking right!

Or we will want to poke fun at their dumb thoughts and it will hurt their feelings. :crying:

3. We are needy as babies to titties, so supporting them without always getting ours can be difficult. No truer words can be written however, "Let her; with a heart as passionate as hers, you’ll want her on your team." The love of an INFJ is powerful.

Guilt tripping an infj has a less than 25% success rate for Estps. The rating is far worse for all other types.

4. "Rather, see it as two wholes becoming an even greater whole—two individuals who love each other enough to respect the other’s independence and uniqueness." Fucking bliss! I can do what I want!

But wait? The person you love to hang out with doesn't want to hang out with you? Wtf?

You expect me to do shit by myself?! You don't do anything but sit around all day! Come on let's go do something! I'm bored!

*Initiate infj tailspins.*


In all seriousness, the article is pretty spot on with how a infj is. My comments are equally spot on. An estp-infj relationship is difficult for those reasons. Getting to an equal understanding of both your needs is the key to success. Once obtained, both will be met with greatness!

 

ESTPs have a unique way of getting people to just be themselves in a way that other types don't quite manage to, i think. for me, as stupid as this sounds, being around an ESTP can be like being able to finally breathe. some INFJs i know, myself included, can get too caught up in trying to be perfect and in making sure they say the right thing without offending anybody too much and with trying to keep everyone happy. my first instinct in any situation is to try to adapt to the environment i'm in, not to have the environment adapt to me, as is the case with ESTPs. sometimes - this will also sound stupid - it has actually been troubling for me to be around ESTPs where i can go into some identity crises literally mid-convo because i'm seriously not at all used to just "being myself" - not at first anyway where i'm still struggling with external pressures pushing me to "be" a certain way. i don't know, weak Fi. but eventually, with time, my guards down and conversations between me and ESTPs just flow effortlessly for hours and i don't even notice when it is i've stopped overthinking or carefully picking my words - and thats something my current ESTP partner makes sure i don't end up doing: he'll be spontaneous and not give me much time to think about whatever it is we're doing cause he knows that once i start thinking about it, its all over. he can lose patience with me and still has to remind me every now and then not to kiss his ass and to just basically get over myself lol.

i understand that a lot of ESTP-INFJ relationships can go really nasty as other users have stated in their posts, and they're all understandable. Ni doesn't come with an off button and its really difficult to stop trying to read into people's words and behaviors in every situation rather than just try to accept things as they are. but anyways, in my own case, most of my experiences and relationships with ESTPs (and ISTPs by the way) have only ever been so damn fulfilling.

 

ESTPs have a unique way of getting people to just be themselves in a way that other types don't quite manage to, i think.

I think it's more that we demand people just be themselves. I don't like flowery language. I demand people be real with me and have little patience for masquerades. I say what I mean within the bounds of socially acceptable and I mean what I say. If I lie, it's because society demands it. I expect people to cut through the bullshit and be real. I'm not going to judge them for not being perfect because I am thoroughly aware of how imperfect I am. I love the dirty, messy, beautiful people in this world. I don't want or need the shows and dances people put on for me.

 

I think bill clinton is an estp..........And michael cera is an infj .........

..................I know its random as random can be.

 

I'm not sure if dating an ESTP would be a good idea or not. I guess a lot of it depends on the two individuals. Either way it sounds like it could b fun,,, i just wish i knew more of em IRL

 

I dated an Estp for three years, and it was the best, most complementary relationship I've ever had. We're still best friends. As cognitive functions would suggest, we felt we were somehow made of the same elements, but gave different priorities to these (we felt that way before taking/knowing the MBTI test). Lot's of trust, laughter, learning, adventure, and intensity.
He's a very intelligent and clear-sighted guy, classical Se, but with fairly well developped Fe (and Ni to a lesser extent) - 35 years old when I met him, which might explain why.

 

I find that Personality Central has the best breakdowns of each possible type pairing:

INFJ-ESTP Relationship

 

In my experience, the ESTp I was with gave me a long lasting impression which meant that he made a huge impact in my life. Not only in dating, but there are a few EStps whom I admire growing up such as my mother's close friend who was always giving and showered me with plentiful of expensive clothes that I didn't ask for. I remember vividly that she also lent me some money in the mall while we were shopping together.

For the Estp man that I loved, he was with me for almost 2 years and took care of me when I was sick, brought me to the hospital, fed me, tied/brushed my hair, helped me with practical matters, taught me to be a lot street smart, persuasive (this can be deemed as manipulative for some people), and a smooth talker.

Unfortunately he is psychologically unstable which not only gave me pain but I must let go of him. (Really painful to let go of someone whom you love) I have experienced grief/bereavement but this one was particularly worse in my opinion.

He once saved me from life threatening events that were dangerous and nearly killed me. There was a time when we were walking across the street until a car nearly hit me, but he manage to grab me tightly from behind and the car just passed by me. I honestly was not aware of my environment and because he was an Se dom, he was really quick on his feet.

Not only that, there was a time when I almost fell off a bridge (because of course, my right feet was dangling over and got stuck in that hole) that he manage to get me out of that situation. I could have fallen on the ground and injured myself if I actually couldn't hold myself any longer because honestly we were in the middle of the woods and not many people were there.


He was quick to read my expression, my body language and the tone of my voice. He pushed me to speak up and be assertive. If I missed any detail around me, he would tell me and correct me (not in a condescending way) However, there were times when he was quite arrogant (not just to me) so yes.

Everytime I am with him, he asked me how my day was, asked me if I needed anything, made sure my jacket was worn correctly during the winter and opens the door for me like a gentleman.

The teddy bear in his car, I tried to put on a minnie mouse voice saying, "You are so energetic, Mr (his name)"

And he smiled while driving.

During our ride, he let pedestrians pass by and not many drivers would do this because there was no traffic light, so yes it shows something even it was a small gesture.

I could go on about my experiences with him if I wanted to.. however these are just the ones that I can recall