[pericles]

Any ESTPs here had a period in their life when they were under their shadow personnality (whether the " the grip" INFJ shadow or the ISTJ shadow) for a sustaine period of time? and by sustained I mean it lasted at least one year. For 8 or 9 months I've been regulalry boucing between ESTP INFJ and ISTJ mode, the ESTP mode only last for a few hours and then it's shadow mode again.
It's kind of depressing me because I'm my best self when in Se+Ti mode.

Also, I have developped some sort of misophonia (aka I get heavily irritiated by specific sounds), the weird thing is that sounds only irritate me when in Se mode....I miss myself...

[Carmine Ermine]

I've been in ISTJ mode a lot but it just made me get very agitated with everyone not taking anything seriously enough and not appreciating the virtues of patience and doing things "the right way". People my age would exclude me in return, and I would get a reputation as someone "lower down in the pecking order", so to speak, without realising it.

The times I did realise how awfully I was treated by my peers would result in what I could only describe as very strange experiences where they seemed to have an unwritten rule that they are "obviously superior" to me, despite all the objective evidence saying otherwise. Maybe the Dunning-Kruger effect, which is a major peeve I have from my peers.

That contributed to bullying and lack of respect and, worst of all, lack of sex (this problem still persists due to deprivation of positive social excperiences, but I'm "launching myself" at it more and more intensely with a "do or die" attitude where anything goes as long as I first think about the possible consequences, which I always try hard to do, but even that restriction is likely to ease off if I don't get results in what I feel is a reasonable amount of time).

A good effect was that I excelled at academia and ended up in an environment where I actually have to use my shadow functions more anyway, which could be good for having a more well-rounded personality. Also, older and/or more intelligent people tend to like me much more, and it's only the shallow ones, especially girls, who have something against my ISTJ-ness. I'll be framing it as, well, they want me to be myself and are just trying to act aloof or "untouchable" in an attempt to arouse/motivate me, which works very effectively if I'm in ESTP mode.

INFJ mode does crop up when I'm stressed - at those times I seem to be able to be much more expressive (especially emotionally) and gesture more passionately when explaining negative things, and it seems to almost force especially "shallow girls" to listen and perceive me very deeply even though there's a lot of negativity in my mind at the time.

[pericles]

I think I know what you mean when you say you feel looked down on when in ISTJ mode. The ESTP charm is lost and it sucks. I feel heavy and boring when in that mode.

Some of my relationships deteriorated because of this, there is this ISTP best friend who's got more and more distant, I don't blame him, we used to connect through Se and Ti, so we can't find any common ground when I'm in ISTJ mode.

I actually have to use my shadow functions more anyway, which could be good for having a more well-rounded personality.

I disagree with this. It sucks to be forced to use your shadow functions, even if by using them, you find yourself all of sudden strong where you used to be weak (and vice-versa). For each MBTI type there is an archetype associated with each cognitive function, as an ESTP, Se, the dominant function is associated with the Hero archetype in our psyche and that's the case no matter what cognitive function you happen to be using at the moment. What that means is that you can only feel "heroic" about yourself, aka you can only feel really good about who you are if your are using your dominant function.

What triggers your ISTJ mode? I find that the fact that there is no evident trigger my shadow episode makes it all the more unsettling. (There isn't much stress or anxiety in my life, only disappointments from the past, so why i'm caged in my shadow?)

[Carmine Ermine]

What triggers ISTJ mode? It's hard to find the trigger actually. Like you said, it isn't stress or anxiety. Disappointments from the past may be a factor, since that could end up making us try to act in a way so as to prevent past mistakes. When I see others acting in a way that seems too uninhibited, I might think I have made that "mistake" in the past before and don't want them to do the same thing. It goes something like: "I've tried that and it failed, so why are *you* trying it?". That's probably the essential step, it's not far from "you shouldn't even be trying that".

I find that often when some kind of attempt at doing something fails (especially a big fail) I think it can't work and I need to find another way, although I've heard, especially in social situations, sometimes you have to try the same thing more than once before abandoning it (say 10 times is given as a better example). I find it hard to do that because if it failed once, it seems so much more likely to fail the next time that I'd rather just try something different if I can think of it.

Also being isolated can cause the ISTJ-ness to self-perpetuate perhaps. When I get into reading books in order to find inspiration or more knowledge/options, the ISTJ attitude kicks in. Also the Si function can be very addictive because, for example, I've got a diary and associate lots of music to good times in the past, which perpetuates it. It's almost like a storage tank of good emotion from the past, and distracts me from the present, so I should watch out for that. The past can be one of the most addictive "drugs". The thing is, my best past experiences are from using Se, so the way out is probably to try to find new experiences with Se - this can trick the Si function into thinking it will be "fed" more data, when really there's an unlimited supply available from the present (well, it's "unlimited" as far as the human body is concerned with its finite resources).

[laikta]

Any ESTPs here had a period in their life when they were under their shadow personnality (whether the " the grip" INFJ shadow or the ISTJ shadow) for a sustaine period of time? and by sustained I mean it lasted at least one year. For 8 or 9 months I've been regulalry boucing between ESTP INFJ and ISTJ mode, the ESTP mode only last for a few hours and then it's shadow mode again.
It's kind of depressing me because I'm my best self when in Se+Ti mode.

Also, I have developped some sort of misophonia (aka I get heavily irritiated by specific sounds), the weird thing is that sounds only irritate me when in Se mode....I miss myself...

That is like me! I switch so often that I just go by my mood now. Just whatever I feel like, its kind of tiring...
When I am happy, positive and excited I am definately in ESTP mode.
When I am angry, upset and hurt I am definately in INFJ mode.
I think my Enneagram type also contributes. My combination is a little rare from what I heard.