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ESTP-INFP Compatability

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This is a discussion on ESTP-INFP Compatability within the ESTP Forum - The Doers forums, part of the SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators category; 2011217, i have to say that none of what was posted by the example of the ESTP male and INFP ...

  1. #141
    Unknown Personality

    2011217,

    i have to say that none of what was posted by the example of the ESTP male and INFP female holds true in my experience. My friend and I both tested in MTBI but I feel the socionomics description of Dual holds true for us. I haven't taken the socionomics test. Still, I would never test as an INFJ, I'm sure. My friend and I don't engage each other's weaker vulnerable functions. We understand one another and deeply trust one another. This doesn't mean that there haven't been misunderstandings, but they have quickly been resolved, as with a Dual couple. I have a boss who is a conflictor and we can only be polite to one another. He's an ISTJ. Neither one of us can predict the actions of the other and we can only discuss superficial matters for a short period of time. My ESTP and I loved to see one another and to talk, sometimes for hours. The only distress between us came from outside influences that we had no control over. Even then we remained true to what we knew was the intention of the other: love and friendship and a romantic bond we couldn't yet talk about.

  2. #142
    ESTP - The Doers

    My INFP friend is the opposite sex and I would never love him in a romantic way, I just can't see that happening. Although, we are very close and get along super well. I don't understand him all the time, like how he talks about ''abstract magical cracks in the tiles'' and I am like ''uh whatta?'' but it doesn't annoy me, I think it's funny XD We're just very comfortable with each other and get along perfectly.

  3. #143
    ESTP - The Doers

    In general I've gotten along well with feeling types, or people who have well developed feeling functions. I would have to be careful about being insensitive, though.

  4. #144
    ESTP - The Doers

    Quote Originally Posted by FakeLefty View Post
    In general I've gotten along well with feeling types, or people who have well developed feeling functions. I would have to be careful about being insensitive, though.
    Well, it's hard not to be insensitive when you're just not seeing the same thing. I look at unicorns and think steak. I've learned sensitive people don't actually want to hear my thoughts out loud.

  5. #145
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by monemi View Post
    I've learned sensitive people don't actually want to hear my thoughts out loud.
    This is a good point.

    Some people who are described as sensitive are often insensitive to others, they can be very egocentric. It's about their own sensitivities with a lack of concern for others.
    Which come to think of it, could follow well with a stereotypical Fi-dom description hahaha
    cosmia and monemi thanked this post.

  6. #146
    INFP - The Idealists

    Wow, my thread.

    I'm an INFP girl with a 31-year-old (male) ESTP. We met over three years ago at a local bar where I was doing campaign work. Something about this guy drew my attention although I was currently dating another guy (ESFP) long term. We talked about politics for hours but nothing happened for the reasons I mentioned in this paragraph. We still lived kind of close to each other and had friends in common so we stayed in touch. Nothing happened until this winter.

    After a night at the bar I ended up at his place. Well, what happened was the usual story involving two adults of opposite sexes and some liquor. At first it seemed like he could be fun company, he was playful, assertive, a go-getter and so on. Neither of us thought the relationship would turn into much more than what two fun-loving criminals would have together. We weren't on the same level of agreenment like I had been with other intuitives and from his point of view I seemed like a complete weirdo at first glance. Then weeks went by and I noticed I had spent EVERY DAY with this guy, mostly at his apartment.

    So, what was first sex turned into liking him and then liking him turned into loving him. What happened was that I was able to see behind his cool boy facade and see that he had good intentions and he was a very loving and caring man. The way he seemed sometimes like bull in a glass house was somehow sweet IMO and he loved the way I seemed sweet and innocent and yet could be a smart and a strong woman. We saw that we were each other, reversed.

    After that there was no turning back. Now we've been together for several months - three actually. And you know what? We've discussed marriage, children and I'm moving together with him next month. We've also met each other's families and friends. To be honest we already live together for I don't really spend much time at home anymore. My INFJ roommate (and friend for 12 years) and her ISTP boyfriend basically live here (we are like commies, lol) although they're also moving this month together to another apartment.

    At the moment I'm not in good terms with my ESTP boyfriend. Why? I've had a really bad year. Too much has been going on that's been draining my energy. This drained INFP got passive-aggressive and started bitching at her boyfriend over a week. It was stupid and unhealthy and I can see how much damage it has done to our relationship. Now I need to make things up and make him happy again. Those who say ESTP's are jerks and INFP's are sensitive goody-two-shoes don't have a clue. He can say stupid things sometimes like any extroverted sensor would probably do but the way I can get super mean, petty, annoying and vengeful is another story.

    He said yesterday something along the lines "You dwell on things by yourself and then burst all of a sudden". I should have discussed the things I didn't like about our relationship, like his way of being selfish at times. I know I tend to "burden and burst" and have taken some steps into more healthier communication. I'm still human and failed to remember those earlier lessons I've learned.

    So.
    I did burst.
    He was shocked.
    Then he was angered.
    Then it made him sad.

    Now I'm asking for some advice. If you know any way to cheer him up and make things up I'd appreciate it. I see now how awful I've been and how much I really, really love this man and want to be with him, want to make him happy and so on. I'm going to wear a beautiful dress today, put on some make up and make him some nice food...he's not even expecting me to come as I said I'd be at home "thinking my stuff through". If you have any other good ideas feel free to share them. If you just want to tell me I'm the selfish, arrogant bitch here you don't need to. I know that already

    Another thing: sex is mind-blowing!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!! And if he wants it can have his kids. If he wants ten of them he can have that. Their future mother just needs to grow up first

  7. #147
    ESTP - The Doers

    Apologize to him, Say you're sorry for lashing out, then have the long talk. The talk is you being honest and blunt with him, about how you can throw a tantrum out of nowhere, and that while you're a happy person, you love life,some days you can be real bitchy and catty as the next person. And petty about different things. As an ESTP, he'll appreciate the honesty and the bluntness you're giving him, as we don't like it when people hold back to spare our feelings. Just remember the truth hurts,but it shall set you free. Before you do the talk, assess your relationship with him, think of 5 things you love about him,include that in the talk. I'm sure he'll understand that relationships take work, especially if you're an INFP with an ESTP, there will be bumps along the way,but two people who love each other will get over the bumps, and come out stronger.


    Quote Originally Posted by Lady D View Post
    Wow, my thread.

    I'm an INFP girl with a 31-year-old (male) ESTP. We met over three years ago at a local bar where I was doing campaign work. Something about this guy drew my attention although I was currently dating another guy (ESFP) long term. We talked about politics for hours but nothing happened for the reasons I mentioned in this paragraph. We still lived kind of close to each other and had friends in common so we stayed in touch. Nothing happened until this winter.

    After a night at the bar I ended up at his place. Well, what happened was the usual story involving two adults of opposite sexes and some liquor. At first it seemed like he could be fun company, he was playful, assertive, a go-getter and so on. Neither of us thought the relationship would turn into much more than what two fun-loving criminals would have together. We weren't on the same level of agreenment like I had been with other intuitives and from his point of view I seemed like a complete weirdo at first glance. Then weeks went by and I noticed I had spent EVERY DAY with this guy, mostly at his apartment.

    So, what was first sex turned into liking him and then liking him turned into loving him. What happened was that I was able to see behind his cool boy facade and see that he had good intentions and he was a very loving and caring man. The way he seemed sometimes like bull in a glass house was somehow sweet IMO and he loved the way I seemed sweet and innocent and yet could be a smart and a strong woman. We saw that we were each other, reversed.

    After that there was no turning back. Now we've been together for several months - three actually. And you know what? We've discussed marriage, children and I'm moving together with him next month. We've also met each other's families and friends. To be honest we already live together for I don't really spend much time at home anymore. My INFJ roommate (and friend for 12 years) and her ISTP boyfriend basically live here (we are like commies, lol) although they're also moving this month together to another apartment.

    At the moment I'm not in good terms with my ESTP boyfriend. Why? I've had a really bad year. Too much has been going on that's been draining my energy. This drained INFP got passive-aggressive and started bitching at her boyfriend over a week. It was stupid and unhealthy and I can see how much damage it has done to our relationship. Now I need to make things up and make him happy again. Those who say ESTP's are jerks and INFP's are sensitive goody-two-shoes don't have a clue. He can say stupid things sometimes like any extroverted sensor would probably do but the way I can get super mean, petty, annoying and vengeful is another story.

    He said yesterday something along the lines "You dwell on things by yourself and then burst all of a sudden". I should have discussed the things I didn't like about our relationship, like his way of being selfish at times. I know I tend to "burden and burst" and have taken some steps into more healthier communication. I'm still human and failed to remember those earlier lessons I've learned.

    So.
    I did burst.
    He was shocked.
    Then he was angered.
    Then it made him sad.

    Now I'm asking for some advice. If you know any way to cheer him up and make things up I'd appreciate it. I see now how awful I've been and how much I really, really love this man and want to be with him, want to make him happy and so on. I'm going to wear a beautiful dress today, put on some make up and make him some nice food...he's not even expecting me to come as I said I'd be at home "thinking my stuff through". If you have any other good ideas feel free to share them. If you just want to tell me I'm the selfish, arrogant bitch here you don't need to. I know that already

    Another thing: sex is mind-blowing!!!!!!!! Wow!!!!! And if he wants it can have his kids. If he wants ten of them he can have that. Their future mother just needs to grow up first
    FakeLefty thanked this post.

  8. #148
    INFP - The Idealists

    Se + Fi = <3

    Thanks @Brian1.

    The plan worked out well. I just skipped most of the talk for we know each other so well already that few words "honey I should always talk things out and not let them burden inside" tell him enough. We are both blunt honest in our healthy states so that helps a lot. I'm also pretty outgoing for an introvert and he's more of an introverted, sensitive version of an ESTP, almost like an ESFP on the surface. Yet, Fe is not Fi. We've both also had to grow a lot and life hasn't been too easy for neither of us.

    We both thought out how to take the other person's criticism (and I'm far from good at this, a stereotypical INFP on this one) and how to act upon that. From that point no words were needed. Now I know why people say they want to spend the rest of their life with another person. I've been in love before and have been in two long relationships but it hasn't ever felt like this one. I told him in the evening that I need his mother's phone number. He asked me why. I told him I wanted to call his mom and tell her her son is a wizard who's put a spell on me and I'd just like to ask if she knows a similar spell for him. Mothers are ought to know these issues.

    Sorry, it's 6:30 and my thoughts are lingering around his ****, hahahaha I took a mouthful of it before he went off to work 45 minutes ago*

    * I was talking about cake, a special treat - what were you thinking? There are children hanging out at this site, OK? LOL.
    Brian1 thanked this post.

  9. #149
    ESTP - The Doers

    @Lady D,

    Good. Glad to hear it.
    Lady D thanked this post.

  10. #150
    INFP - The Idealists

    Quote Originally Posted by chihiro View Post
    I'm an INFP (both Myers-Briggs and Socionics) and I dated an ESTP. It was fine till I freaked out emotionally, which freaked him out, and we broke up.

    Several months later, he told me he regretted it ending. I could tell this was a big confession for him--he was showing me a window into his private thoughts, and it was said with NO manipulative spirit to try to win me back--as an INFP, it's easy to sense others' wants and get pressured into doing something you don't want to do. I didn't get any of that from him. Anyway, I didn't want to date again, so nothing came of it, but it brought us closer.

    So even though this was my shortest romantic relationship, we remained friends for another six years. And if I still lived in the same city as him, I know we could start the friendship up easily.

    I never thought anything of this relationship till I read about duality, and now I look back on it--the relationship was EASY, which is surprising considering how different we are. I felt so natural and comfortable around him--I was myself around him. I tried new things, was exposed to new experiences that a quiet, fanciful INFP would not have done on her own.

    When we first broke up, I too had reacted badly. I thought: "what a jerk and a player." What a sleezy slimeball with his fake charm. But lucky for me, I got to know him as a friend afterward and realized how wrong I was. I also realized I wasn't an innocent bystander. I had jumped to conclusions about him, because I didn't understand his behavior. I blew up at him. I made assumptions, based on stereotypes. And in the end, it was I who walked away, not him.

    Some of the things I realized: the charm is natural enthusiasm for life. I also learned that I could speak my mind with him. Unlike others who would take offense (which I would preempt by just not saying anything, because I'm so sensitive to conflict), I learned I could disagree and retaliate and be blunt w/o any awkwardness or hurt feelings or starting a fight.

    So that's my experience.
    Had a similar experience. He didn't get my emotions sometimes or why I was upset, though he might have been unhealthy, as he did one thing that could have gotten me in legal trouble, and when I tried repeatedly to reach him over my birthday weekend and he was off doing drugs and was unresponsive for five days, yes, I got mad. He stopped communicating with me after one visit... again some of it miscommunication, but I felt like if he'd paid a little more attention to me or at least communicated better, then my own concerns, fears, etc. would not have built up, because I just need a little time consistently to feel connected. And the relationship provided me with extra strength and support when he would be available, and just feel like his type doesn't need as much assurance, so he didn't get why long stretches without communication would end up being upsetting to me and damaging the relationship. To be fair, he also blew up and couldn't deal with conflict, even minor, when it came up.

    He has exposed me to living life more fully and I am content with him when not feeling too afraid about him doing drugs or something overly crazy. : / I've had fun, great sex, relaxed more, picked up some social skills. It is a hard relationship, at least until the differences are understood... and felt he had little time or desire to understand, which I also felt added to him making rash judgments about our relationship, when he didn't even understand the big picture. We got in touch later... he hadn't expected to see me again, but said he couldn't ignore me, and was surprised after five months later with no contact he still had a photo of us on his computer screensaver.

    I made a lot of effort to understand him and own my stuff, but also felt he wasn't as willing to make adjustments. Many people thought he was fun and nice guy, and he could be generous, he just also was inconsistent, self-centered and would want to run off to drugs or attention of other people if we bumped heads. I grew so much in this relationship, and still feel we grow the most together or can accomplish more together, so that makes me mad especially when I feel I should cut things off with him, just don't know how much more I can take unless he's willing to meet my needs... whether just a little more reliable communication, not constantly checking out people in front of me while failing to express what he finds attractive in me, and the drug habit is really bothersome, and total resent and am angry about the times he went to buy drugs with me in the vicinity, because I don't do that crap. I was happy to let him lead and we had fun, he just didn't seem to like it when I called him out on something, and didn't get that I operate differently and can't go and go all the time, or that my inexperience in the party scene or whatever meant that I needed a little more information and sensitivity to not feel anxious.

    He also could be chillingly accurate in his observations of me and our interactions, but sometimes still felt he missed part of the picture and while spoke of love and wanting to have kids with me, he also got distant and didn't seem to want to commit later. At home we functioned well together and I liked doing all the activities and adventures with him. As a somewhat commitment-phobic INFP, he didn't bother me at all and felt he was a good match, at least until his behavior triggered an issue with me, usually around honesty, integrity, or his wanting to do hard drugs put me on edge... they are illegal and can be damaging, so while I grew to accept other things, that habit was stressful, along with his trying to control me or threaten me with actions and statements about how many people he's slept with, how easy it is for him, and that other people find him attractive. Even if they do, I don't think mature to run off for sex or attention if you are having a partner conflict. And he loved me, and probably why it all bothered him more when I would't be approving of some of his behaviors. And really, cocaine supports a lot of violence, which I really can't support, and maybe would be less harsh about it if it wasn't so, and if it didn't potentially damage your brain and increase legal risk.


 
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