[ESTJ] ESTJ and ENFP relationship

ESTJ and ENFP relationship

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This is a discussion on ESTJ and ENFP relationship within the ESTJ Forum - The Guardians forums, part of the SJ's Temperament Forum- The Overseers category; I'm sure there is post here somewhere about this combination in a relationship but didn't want to look that long. ...

  1. #1
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    ESTJ and ENFP relationship

    I'm sure there is post here somewhere about this combination in a relationship but didn't want to look that long. Any experiences with this combo? Since there's not many estj's here I'll probably post on the enfp forum as well. Tell me you're experience, or your opinion positives or negatives please! I'm fairly new at the personality types and know it's not a favorable combination but would love to hear your thoughts.....Thanks!
    iemanja thanked this post.



  2. #2
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Compatible... But interesting at first.

    So I am a hardcore ESTJ. I find it difficult to get comfortable with guys unless they take it really slow. My boyfriend is an ENFP, he is all lovey dovey PDA guy. It works because he gets me out of my shell, he is really affectionate and complimentary, and he knows I think nice things about him even if I do not say them 24/7. He is bad with money, I am good with money. He sometimes has crazy ideas, I keep them in check. Its hard to love an ESTJ, but we are loyal and we will be honest and eventually very dedicated. Its nice to have someone who can make you laugh, is extremely warm and outgoing to compliment you. :)
    GreenCoyote and Diamonic thanked this post.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    My older brother is a ESTJ (probably a unhealthy one) I get along with him pretty well. However, he does have some misogynistic views that I vehemently disagree with.

  4. #4
    INFP - The Idealists

    My boyfriend of over a year is an ESTJ and I'm an ENFP. It took me the longest time to figure out what type he was, but he tested ESTJ rather than ENTJ (my initial thought).

    You can probably search through my rambling posts about ESTJ/ENFP relationships to find out more. :P

    Overall, it's the best and most fulfilling relationship I've been in so far. Not just romantically, but also as a friendship.

    Everything Christina said was spot on.

    Quote Originally Posted by Christina Baworowsky View Post
    So I am a hardcore ESTJ. I find it difficult to get comfortable with guys unless they take it really slow. My boyfriend is an ENFP, he is all lovey dovey PDA guy. It works because he gets me out of my shell, he is really affectionate and complimentary, and he knows I think nice things about him even if I do not say them 24/7. He is bad with money, I am good with money. He sometimes has crazy ideas, I keep them in check. Its hard to love an ESTJ, but we are loyal and we will be honest and eventually very dedicated. Its nice to have someone who can make you laugh, is extremely warm and outgoing to compliment you. :)
    I'll have to add more later because work is so busy today!
    GreenCoyote thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    @Ahiko Can't wait to hear more!

  6. #6
    INFP - The Idealists

    Back!

    Background story: We met when we were 20. I crashed a party at his house and he was the random, nerdy, computer science major who liked video games. At the time, I was just an avid socialite, going to every party I could to meet people and make friends. (We were both in our own frat and sorority.) I'm also a nerd, too. I loved playing video games so I would literally spend most of my time watching him play haha. He was really friendly, so I never thought much of him, but there was always a mutual "good friendship" connection. As friends, we were great together. We would seem to gravitate toward each other with talking and conversations. The conversations were always good and happy. :) I did end up rejecting him three times because I wasn't ready for a relationship. He gave up for a bit, but after not seeing or talking from Halloween to New Year's, we started talking again and I finally gave him a chance. It was worth the wait and all the rejection. I was emotionally ready to be in a relationship, and he was willing to put all the effort into making it work out. I guess all the rejection made us want to work harder in our relationship for each other. :P

    As more than friends:

    This quote stuck out at me!

    Quote Originally Posted by Christina Baworowsky View Post
    Its hard to love an ESTJ, but we are loyal and we will be honest and eventually very dedicated.
    I actually found him to be the most lovable out of all the guys he lived with in his house. I was instantly drawn to his intellect, our similar interests, and his kindness. Even before we started dating, I would keep denying that he would ever like me because he was "too nice", and that I didn't deserve that amount of kindness. (Hence all the rejection by me LOL!) :X But whenever we would party, he would always be the one willing to take care of me. No one ever wanted to cuz I would always drink myself to tears, but he didn't mind. Even his frat bros didn't think we would work out together because we were so different. He was always the cool-headed one and I was the loud, over-enthusiastic, crazy one. >.<

    When we started dating, he would plan all the dates and I would always return the favor with enthusiasm and appreciation. I loved hanging out with him and getting to know him, and I'm sure he felt the same. I was scared of moving out of friendship, but the dating and relationship stage with him was infinitely better.

    He really fits the guardian type. He would comfort me, be patient with me and stand up for me no matter what. And I would always shower him with affection, gratitude and admiration for making me feel beautiful. Even when school, my sorority or parents were giving me a hard time, he would do anything he could to cheer me up. Sometimes if my day was bad enough and I just needed a hug or to see him, he would drop everything to let me come over and cheer me up.

    Our personalities together:
    • He's logical and rational. I'm not. His logic and reasoning really helps keep me down to earth.. because if I didn't have someone keeping me in check, I'd have my head in the clouds getting myself ready to fly up to the moon. :P
    • He's usually good with money. I'm not. :P But he says when the woman comes in, he can be bad with money. He likes to spoil me with food, but that's also my fault because I have this weird skill of making food sound sooo good. Dx
    • I can get really emotional. It never bothers him, but he's always willing to understand where I'm coming from and how all my crazy feelings are triggered. He's always interested in how I feel and would always approach me with "Tell me what's on your mind", and that eased me into being completely open with him about any emotions I have.
    • I'm very ambitious and have huge aspirations. He seems to be amused and genuinely interested in them. I'm going back to school to study computer programming. I want to get a bachelor's, but I have to settle for an associate's degree first. He's willing to help me and loves tutoring me, even though I frustrate him when he has to go over a concept a few times.
    • He's a great teacher! Good with words and very good at explaining things to me!
    • We can easily have intellectual conversations with each other. Even though I can act like an airbrain at times, he knows I'm not stupid (my parents think I am) and we respect each other's intelligence. Our different viewpoints allows us to challenge each other's intellect. It also helps us to expand it by giving us different insights.
    • We inspire each other. Food, activities, etc. It seems like we feed off of each other's energy and enthusiasm.
    • He admitted that being with me has helped him to be more patient and understanding of people. I can get pretty out of hand emotionally. I get put down by my parents.. they don't like that I didn't want to do anything with my Public Health degree and am switching my career concentration to computer programming.. and he's usually the one picking up the pieces. When I get emotionally unstable, I push people away, but he would stick around until I told him what was going through my head so that he could understand me.
    • We're both good socially. Me more than him, but he can easily win the hearts of people, too. He's a little more reserved in that he prefers hanging out with his close friends than meeting new people. It would get frustrating at times to get him to come out with my friends. :/ But I'm slowly learning to accept it. I'm okay with meeting anyone and making friends with them, so it was a little hard to accept that about him at first.


    There's more, but I can't think of them right now LOL. If you have any specific ones you'd like to know, feel free to ask! :)

    On the next update, I'll let you know about how our one year mark has been. :]

    And another good thing with our relationship is that we always have good hangouts, especially with our common interests. I'm off to visit him & we're gonna go to LA to visit some fish stores for his new aquarium! Grab yummy Chinese food from a local mom & pops store that we love and then head back to his place to work on our programming projects. He's gonna tutor me too! Yay. :D

    I hope this helps. More soon!
    WickedQueen, GreenCoyote, AgAu and 2 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I've been married almost 16 years to an ESTJ. It's a pretty amazing dynamic. We really do build each other up, and look out for the other's blind spots. Feel free to search my posts, I have written a fair amount on the topic.

    For the most part, my experience has been similar to what @Ahiko posted above.

    @Diamonic Is there an ENFP guy you have your eyes on? If so, tell us about him...
    WickedQueen and freeone77 thanked this post.

  8. #8
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    I find it easy to open up with my ENFP friends too. The conversation I enjoy the most with them is usually about the deeper meaning of life and self-fulfillment. Not sure if I want to date them, though. Not because I don't find them attractive (especially their beautiful hearts), but most of the times it's because I'm afraid that I will only hurt them and destroying their optimist attitude on life. I like them just the way they are.
    pinkrasputin, AgAu and Ahiko thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ESTJ - The Guardians

    Thanks guys for all your input. @Ahiko, I noticed in some of your post before that you were trying to figure out what type your guy was and you thought maybe he was an esfj. Has he tested more that made you know for sure he was an estj. Just curious. Can't wait to hear about your one year mark!!

    @WickedQueen The thing I love the most about my enfp is that beautiful heart. Thats the one of many things he has that I covet. I know how we can be joykills so I really try not to that. When he comes up with some of his wild ideas I try to mention just a little practical thing about it he might think about and I notice after a few days he's on to something else. lol

    @AgAu I've been dating an enfp for over 2 years now and I must say its been very growth filled relationship. It definitely has its challenges but being with him has made me a better person for it. I'm so much closer to the person I've wanted to be and have so much more self awareness now. I think me being 40 helps with working on myself more as well.... I believe his heart is perfect and love that about him. He is so much fun and makes me feel like I'm the only woman in the world. He's written me 3 songs and numerous poems. I've always said I wanted Edward from twilight and he is definitely right up there with him. So there's some of the positives....

    The negatives are..... he's messy, kinda lazy, watches to much tv, not good with money and is currently starting a whole new career. I know there are things we have to compromise with any relationship and we have both done that. But there are some things that are our core and we cannot compromise.
    Mine are security and stability and that is something that alot of enfp's know nothing about. LOL I need those things inside as well as externally. I need to feel secure on the inside that I can trust him and that he loves me no matter what and I know that enfp's can have some commitment issues. He's never been married and is 44. He said he never found the one and wanted to marry me after a month of dating. Also, I need security as in retirement and not wanting to struggle later in life either.
    I need stability externally, as in he HAS to work! lol And I would prefer he stay at the same thing cause to much change freaks me out!! hehe I'm divorced and said if I ever marry again then the unsaid part of the vows would be, I will not tolerate an alcoholic, drug addict and I WILL NOT support him! hahaha
    So glad to hear your combination has worked for you and your estj. I told my guy I would love to meet a couple with our combo. We could definitely have some laughs!
    Would love to hear your or anyones thoughts on this! Thanks
    WickedQueen and Ahiko thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Unknown Personality

    Quote Originally Posted by Diamonic View Post
    I'm sure there is post here somewhere about this combination in a relationship but didn't want to look that long. Any experiences with this combo?
    There is some advice in relationship combos for ESTJs in these articles: Love Types ESTJ


 
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