[Kikotay]

I'm so sorry but this is a long, long post. Just hope someone would help me out. Thanks :)

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I'm in love with an ESTJ. When we first met and hit it off, he was sweet and he was caring. We were in high school together. He was there for me when I was undergoing a painful break up. He surprised me with gifts and made sure that everything's alright for me. We became a couple eventually and I've grown so attached to him that it felt like I was falling in love with him again and again. He'd do almost anything to meet my needs.

We'd find all the sweet things that could make each other happy. We'd contact every day and almost every minute. We were practically joined at the hip! When we had arguements and rough patches, he'd always find some way to solve it or becomes happy back when I express my love to him.

But later on in our relationship, we had the tendency to argue more. Even the little things bother us. Our behaviours annoy each other, our view clash and we both think we're right. Sometimes I try to make him understand my point of view but he wouldn't listen. He grew colder and I became more emotional. He spends more time with his friends and sometimes avoid being alone with me.

Just recently we had a big fight and he suggested a break up, but I held on. He's usually a determined person, but with me, he just couldn't decide. He told me that he love me still, but is tired and less passionate. Through my determination to stick to the relationship, he "found" a solution that he'd live his life without worrying if I'll get hurt or upset. Which means he wouldn't tell me so much about himself anymore and where he's going and what he's going to do. So now our relationship is sort of hanging in the air. He doesn't contact me as much anymore. I've gone through a whole day without him contacting me.



When I'm with him, he still showed that he cares and hugs and kisses are always there. But when I'm away from him, it's like out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes he gets frustrated with me and just couldn't care less.

I was wondering if this is a passing phase or is there anything I could do to win him back again? Will the relationship go back like it was before again? Will we be happy with each other again? I thought of giving him space for a week but it sort of kills me inside and I fear the relationship'd get worse. I heard that INFP and ESTJ are the worst of matches, but I really want to make this relationship work.

I'd appreciate all advices. Thank you.

[Dr. Metallic]

If your ESTJ was indecisive it means he cares very very much for you.

In my experience, ESTJs eat INFPs for breakfast.

Advice: Be direct and truthful with him.

[Happy]

I posted this on the advice forum, so I'll post here just in case you don't see it...

It seems like you are a little obsessed with him. What you said here, gave me some insight on the problem of your relationship...

He told me that he love me still, but is tired and less passionate. Through my determination to stick to the relationship, he "found" a solution that he'd live his life without worrying if I'll get hurt or upset. Which means he wouldn't tell me so much about himself anymore and where he's going and what he's going to do. So now our relationship is sort of hanging in the air. He doesn't contact me as much anymore. I've gone through a whole day without him contacting me.

Notice he said "Tired." This sounds to me like the classic case of "I Need My Space." To me this is one of the most challenging part of a relationship. If you are the jealous type who needs to be with him 24/7, this could get quite annoying for a man so I suggest giving him some space and trust. Being with him and talking to him 24/7 will make him take you for granted because your giving him too much of you. I suggest doing something that makes him contacting you and not you contacting him. Make him become the jealous type.

Anyways, I am just going by what you said so I don't know if this is the main problem of your relationship so don't take my advice if you think I made wrong assumptions. Hope everything turns out ok for you!

[Kikotay]

If your ESTJ was indecisive it means he cares very very much for you.

In my experience, ESTJs eat INFPs for breakfast.

Advice: Be direct and truthful with him.

I posted this on the advice forum, so I'll post here just in case you don't see it...

It seems like you are a little obsessed with him. What you said here, gave me some insight on the problem of your relationship...



Notice he said "Tired." This sounds to me like the classic case of "I Need My Space." To me this is one of the most challenging part of a relationship. If you are the jealous type who needs to be with him 24/7, this could get quite annoying for a man so I suggest giving him some space and trust. Being with him and talking to him 24/7 will make him take you for granted because your giving him too much of you. I suggest doing something that makes him contacting you and not you contacting him. Make him become the jealous type.

Anyways, I am just going by what you said so I don't know if this is the main problem of your relationship so don't take my advice if you think I made wrong assumptions. Hope everything turns out ok for you!

Eat INFP's for breakfast? Oh that would be bad haha!

Lance, yeah, I am a little obsessed I guess. And I am doing everything in my time to get myself as busy as possible so that I'll stop stalking the phone for his calls and messages.

I went out on a date with him today. We ended up talking and laughing but he was still kind of reserved. I guess I'll just take one step at a time. Thank you both for taking the time to read and your advices :)

[cvp1vf]

Hello Kikotay,

I've just read your long message... and you may have seen mine which posed the question "I love an INTP but am ESTJ - what hope?"

I realise you are INFP but there will be some parallels with INTP... and I am an ESTJ like your other half... what I would say is that when we ESTJs get stressed (really stressed/anxious/emotional not just a passing mood) we tend to revert to our 'inferior function' and become more 'I', more 'F'... and what I find this means for me, is that I become more pensive, thoughtful, withdrawn, more wanting space, wanting to be on my own (when normally I wouldn't want that at all) and become more sensitive to our feelings and emotions... So maybe that's what is happening with your ESTJ too??

Just a thought. Hope things work out...
cvp1vf

P.S. Also, yes, ESTJ's like it when we get to deal with directness and truth, so would agree with JoeMetallic...

[Kikotay]

Yes, I've read about that too. I've been giving him space and all and things are starting to look up. He's contacting me more now and has told me he's glad I didn't leave him.

So I'm happy now :)

[Perseus]

I have got a ESTJ Stalker. I warned if she interfered in my affairs I would cleave her head in half with an axe. She promptly ignored the hint and called the Police.

Got the drift?

[starri]

I hope this worked out for u Kikotay..

[autumnbree03]

I'm so sorry but this is a long, long post. Just hope someone would help me out. Thanks :)

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I'm in love with an ESTJ. When we first met and hit it off, he was sweet and he was caring. We were in high school together. He was there for me when I was undergoing a painful break up. He surprised me with gifts and made sure that everything's alright for me. We became a couple eventually and I've grown so attached to him that it felt like I was falling in love with him again and again. He'd do almost anything to meet my needs.

We'd find all the sweet things that could make each other happy. We'd contact every day and almost every minute. We were practically joined at the hip! When we had arguements and rough patches, he'd always find some way to solve it or becomes happy back when I express my love to him.

But later on in our relationship, we had the tendency to argue more. Even the little things bother us. Our behaviours annoy each other, our view clash and we both think we're right. Sometimes I try to make him understand my point of view but he wouldn't listen. He grew colder and I became more emotional. He spends more time with his friends and sometimes avoid being alone with me.

Just recently we had a big fight and he suggested a break up, but I held on. He's usually a determined person, but with me, he just couldn't decide. He told me that he love me still, but is tired and less passionate. Through my determination to stick to the relationship, he "found" a solution that he'd live his life without worrying if I'll get hurt or upset. Which means he wouldn't tell me so much about himself anymore and where he's going and what he's going to do. So now our relationship is sort of hanging in the air. He doesn't contact me as much anymore. I've gone through a whole day without him contacting me.

When I'm with him, he still showed that he cares and hugs and kisses are always there. But when I'm away from him, it's like out of sight, out of mind. Sometimes he gets frustrated with me and just couldn't care less.

I was wondering if this is a passing phase or is there anything I could do to win him back again? Will the relationship go back like it was before again? Will we be happy with each other again? I thought of giving him space for a week but it sort of kills me inside and I fear the relationship'd get worse. I heard that INFP and ESTJ are the worst of matches, but I really want to make this relationship work.

I'd appreciate all advices. Thank you.

Okay.... You may not like this, and I know my situation isn't yours, but I just went through this exact thing with an ESTJ, he was the first man i've ever actually seen a future with, brought out things in me a passion, excitement and sense of 'sexy' that i'd never been able to achieve on my own, I was really happy for the first time, and then all the things you just wrote started happening and I couldn't figure out what was going on, it was almost like he felt like he got too close and it scared the hell out of him and the only thing he felt like he could resort to was distancing himself from me, then eventually sleeping with another women, and to this day I somehow still understand what he did, and try to understand the why, but I'm afraid that there probably isn't any way for you to get back to where you were. It more than likely has very little to do with you and more to do with him being afraid of all the things that are going on inside himself in being with you. But I wish you the best of luck, I do ESTJ's are wonders to behold and harbour so much potential....

[Perseus]

ESFJs are crazy and that is an end to it. A quick fling and disappear without a forwarding address. Don't think they are weird, they're crazy and dangerous.