ESTJ: Relationship Resolution

Here is the ESTJ way. You will see the many and varied personality traits that ESTJs naturally show as they relate to others. If you are an ESTJ let this self-knowledge help and guide you in your marriage and family life. If you are in relationship with an ESTJ allow the wonder of what you learn here to guide your understanding of and responses to how ESTJs behave.

Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - ESTJ Personality Traits
• The ESTJ will likely desire to be in control, in charge of the relationship
• The ESTJ is very practical, sensible, realistic, matter-of-fact when deciding for the relationship
• The ESTJ is likely to be more commanding, firm, authoritative in relationship
• The ESTJ is likely to be less responsive, aware of a mate’s needs and desires
• ESTJs will provide stability to any relationship
• ESTJs center of attention is on the here and the now
• The ESTJs see it as their responsibility, obligation to tell mate and children what to do
• ESTJs are likely to see the “need” for romance as unrealistic
• The ESTJ will likely uphold tradition both family and otherwise (holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.)
• The ESTJ under stress may become emotional, withdrawn, and catastrophic greatly
• The ESTJ approaches sex as an important experience, nothing more
• The ESTJ will typically be very loyal to a mate, given the above
• The ESTJ is likely to view sex an unconnected to anything else, even after an argument sex will still be desired with no attachment to the argument
• The ESTJ will also likely see sex as a method of making up
• The ESTJ likely will expect children to live up to their standards
• The ESTJ under stress may place their anger on a mate and family

On the Personality & Marriage section of this site the statement was made that all relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control and will INSTINCTIVELY and NATURALLY use our personality traits in a conflict resolution activity, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the ESTJ approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

ESTJ Conflict Reactions Personality Traits
• ESTJ will likely view conflict as a natural part of marriage
• ESTJ will likely not take the conflict personally, unless highly stressed
• ESTJ will confront the conflict
• ESTJ will usually take the most logical approach to finding the solution
• ESTJ will want to solve the conflict as soon as possible
• ESTJ typically responds directly to the conflict, won’t put it off
• ESTJ likely will focus on the in the now solutions

ESTJ Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• ESTJ will naturally consider an objective approach to conflict resolution activity
• ESTJ will rather quickly make a decision; involve people if needed
• ESTJ will approach pros and cons of the situation
• ESTJ will typically look for logical solutions to the conflict
• ESTJ will try to avoid making the conflict resolution activity personal
• The ESTJ will likely discuss the issue briefly, concisely in a to the point kind of manner
• ESTJ will lean toward decision options that can be quickly implemented rather than future oriented

ESTJ Likely Positive Solutions Will Be:
• Fair, reasonable, considerate
• Logical, rational, commonsensical
• Well organized, competent, capable
• Traditional, institutional
• Energetic, lively, active

ESTJ Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• ESTJ will typically minimize the significance of personal feelings, theirs and others
• ESTJ may see debate as objective problem solving and not understand how others do not
• ESTJ may not see the potential future concepts of the situation
• ESTJ may overlook, disregard, write off solutions that seem more people-oriented
• ESTJs are likely to control the conflict resolution activity
• ESTJ are prone to independently make decisions thus risk losing support of others stakeholders
• ESTJ struggle if they cannot discuss things calmly and realistically
• ESTJs may have difficulty offering appreciation prior to criticizing
• ESTJs may decide much too quickly
• ESTJs may try to fix what someone just wants them to listen to
• ESTJ may fail to see all the potential options



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Hi...hmmm....ok agree with some :) but not others although I understand every estj is different, here's my answers to the statements:

Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - ESTJ Personality Traits
• The ESTJ will likely desire to be in control, in charge of the relationship - Nope, I like to compromise!
• The ESTJ is very practical, sensible, realistic, matter-of-fact when deciding for the relationship _ Yes
• The ESTJ is likely to be more commanding, firm, authoritative in relationship - Nope just that my needs and feelings are noted, even though partner doesn't agree
• The ESTJ is likely to be less responsive, aware of a mate’s needs and desires - Yes, I like it when partner tells me what they want
• ESTJs will provide stability to any relationship - Yes
• ESTJs center of attention is on the here and the now - Yes
• The ESTJs see it as their responsibility, obligation to tell mate and children what to do - No, compromise is best
• ESTJs are likely to see the “need” for romance as unrealistic - No, I like romance, I get shy but nevertheless I do like it
• The ESTJ will likely uphold tradition both family and otherwise (holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.) - Yes
• The ESTJ under stress may become emotional, withdrawn, and catastrophic greatly - emotional and withdrawn but not catastrophic
• The ESTJ approaches sex as an important experience, nothing more - Yes in that 'love each other way'
• The ESTJ will typically be very loyal to a mate, given the above - Yes
• The ESTJ is likely to view sex an unconnected to anything else, even after an argument sex will still be desired with no attachment to the argument - Nope
• The ESTJ will also likely see sex as a method of making up - Nope
• The ESTJ likely will expect children to live up to their standards - Don't know, don't have children yet
• The ESTJ under stress may place their anger on a mate and family - No way, my stress is my stress, don't take it out on anyone if they have nothing to do with it.

On the Personality & Marriage section of this site the statement was made that all relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control and will INSTINCTIVELY and NATURALLY use our personality traits in a conflict resolution activity, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the ESTJ approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

ESTJ Conflict Reactions Personality Traits
• ESTJ will likely view conflict as a natural part of marriage - yeah, but isn't that 'normal' - can't always be airey fairy all the time, we're all humans and have ups and downs.
• ESTJ will likely not take the conflict personally, unless highly stressed - Probably, although most times I HATE conflict
• ESTJ will confront the conflict - Yes
• ESTJ will usually take the most logical approach to finding the solution - Yes
• ESTJ will want to solve the conflict as soon as possible - Yes
• ESTJ typically responds directly to the conflict, won’t put it off - Yes, unless I feel it's complicated - got a web of emotions
• ESTJ likely will focus on the in the now solutions - Yes and no - I think long term too

ESTJ Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• ESTJ will naturally consider an objective approach to conflict resolution activity - Yes, but do like to discuss feelings too
• ESTJ will rather quickly make a decision; involve people if needed - Yes
• ESTJ will approach pros and cons of the situation - Yes
• ESTJ will typically look for logical solutions to the conflict - Yes
• ESTJ will try to avoid making the conflict resolution activity personal - Yes
• The ESTJ will likely discuss the issue briefly, concisely in a to the point kind of manner - No,I like to also discuss it if it's a 'deep' issue
• ESTJ will lean toward decision options that can be quickly implemented rather than future oriented - Yes and no, I tend to think future-oriented.

ESTJ Likely Positive Solutions Will Be:
• Fair, reasonable, considerate - Yes
• Logical, rational, commonsensical - Yes
• Well organized, competent, capable - Yes
• Traditional, institutional - Yes to traditional, not really to institutional - like some flexibility
• Energetic, lively, active - Yes but not overly so

ESTJ Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• ESTJ will typically minimize the significance of personal feelings, theirs and others - sometimes. I make special effort now to stop and ask how the other's feeling
• ESTJ may see debate as objective problem solving and not understand how others do not - Yes
• ESTJ may not see the potential future concepts of the situation - Nope, I am a future thinker, head is always in the future.
• ESTJ may overlook, disregard, write off solutions that seem more people-oriented - Nope, I'm people-oriented
• ESTJs are likely to control the conflict resolution activity - Not always
• ESTJ are prone to independently make decisions thus risk losing support of others stakeholders - Mostly
• ESTJ struggle if they cannot discuss things calmly and realistically - Yes
• ESTJs may have difficulty offering appreciation prior to criticizing - Yes
• ESTJs may decide much too quickly - Yes, am practicing 'patience is a virtue'
• ESTJs may try to fix what someone just wants them to listen to - Nope
• ESTJ may fail to see all the potential options - Sometimes

Thanks, it's an eye-opener these statements! although I do believe, as my MBTI practitioner says, that there's more to an individual than being put in a 'personality type box' - he says that your personality type is just how we percieve things and make decisions. I believe there's more to us, life experiences and our unique individual personality
People and the human behaviour is so fascinating to me!

I have to say, that if we're really talking about personality typing as like a backbone structure, or natural preference, every single one of these applies to me.

Yes people can change and try to better themselves etc. And whether you actually act this way is dependent on experience and the way that we were raised, however, that doesnt mean that when you really get down to it these things arent your natural instincts. Each person is obviously very different, but people of the same personality type tend to be the same in a specific way.

It could just be me, but you sound a little more F like to me. And a little more introverted. If I had to define an ESTJ I would put most of the things that you said no to. And I am never future oriented. I can plan for the future, but I'm really right here, right now. Always, future oriented is very N like.

Originally Posted by kept81213

I have to say, that if we're really talking about personality typing as like a backbone structure, or natural preference, every single one of these applies to me.

Yes people can change and try to better themselves etc. And whether you actually act this way is dependent on experience and the way that we were raised, however, that doesnt mean that when you really get down to it these things arent your natural instincts. Each person is obviously very different, but people of the same personality type tend to be the same in a specific way.

It could just be me, but you sound a little more F like to me. And a little more introverted. If I had to define an ESTJ I would put most of the things that you said no to. And I am never future oriented. I can plan for the future, but I'm really right here, right now. Always, future oriented is very N like.

Hi Kept, yeah my MBTI results were that my T was 25....so looking at both ends:
Thinking.....................Feeling
60.................0..............60

I was 25 leaning towards the T side so it's not necessarily a strong T, I do some of the F traits. The psychometric assessment results explained that I have high empathy as well, as well as looking at other factors such as confidence, sensitivity, creativity/logical etc. I myself have had some talking therapy which has put me more in touch with my F side, but yes I agree - I do have natural instincts which veer towards being an ESTJ but it's not 'fixed' as I also have a few INTJ and a few ENTJ traits. And yes I am borderline Extrovert which the score was 3. The way I behave depends on my mood and the circumstances!