[Mendi the ISFJ]

Are you of the mind that she would in some way be excused or justified in some way by choosing to cheat? If so, I'd like to hear the reason(s)/circumstance(s) you think would apply there.

if her husband had cheated i wouldnt say that cheating on him is a healthy thing to do, but i dont see her being any worse than him... as they would be equal in their wrongdoing. If he was abusive i could wrap my head around why she would seek positive attention from a new guy. I believe my suggestion to her was to end the relationship if that relationship was not good.

its not about my justifying anything, its about whether she justifies it.

[redmanXNTP]

if her husband had cheated i wouldnt say that cheating on him is a healthy thing to do, but i dont see her being any worse than him... as they would be equal in their wrongdoing. If he was abusive i could wrap my head around why she would seek positive attention from a new guy. I believe my suggestion to her was to end the relationship if that relationship was not good.

its not about my justifying anything, its about whether she justifies it.

Ok, fair enough. I'm interested in hearing what she has to say about it too. I just don't think that we're ever going to see @Just talk to me. again in this thread.

[Duck_of_Death]

i just think that people are coming down hard on her without having all the facts as to why she would do something so drastic.

She wanted to cheat and she could. People do unethical things everyday and rationalize it all away.
The whole "spouse did this, so I did that" angle doesn't cut the mustard anymore.
People are held accountable for their actions.

Get your head out of the clouds and accept reality.

[redmanXNTP]

She wanted to cheat and she could. People do unethical things everyday and rationalize it all away.
The whole "spouse did this, so I did that" angle doesn't cut the mustard anymore.
People are held accountable for their actions.

Get your head out of the clouds and accept reality.

Also @Mendi the ISFJ , grow a spine enough to say, "That is wrong!" when you see someone engaging in wrong behavior. It's fine to empathize about someone's situation, but this world is ultimately about what you do far more than how you feel.

And BTW, to move away from moralizing given your apparent discomfort with that, to the extent that the affair is escapism (and most affairs are in some way) it's not even psychologically healthy given that it is avoidant behavior rather than behavior that addresses a problem directly.

[Duck_of_Death]

^^^This.

It's easy to understand why she cheated: She was immensely attracted to this guy and wanted to use him to get her rocks off. Cut down on the convolution and there you have it.

Additionally--as goldentryst alluded to--stealing a mate from another is the ultimate booster in self-confidence. The shit backfired (Note: Did you read the emphasis on that area in the OP?)

In this thread, this woman revealed herself for what she is without even saying it forthright. Hubby doesn't even get any air time, really; he is nothing more than an outmoded household appliance she is more than ready to toss out because she doesn't "need" him anymore.

The. End.

[redmanXNTP]

Hubby doesn't even get any air time, really; he is nothing more than an outmoded household appliance she is more than ready to toss out because she doesn't "need" him anymore.

According to someone's message on her "wall" in her profile, her husband is US military stationed overseas in Japan.

Fascinating, huh?

[Duck_of_Death]

Heh. Military wives have a reputation for such a thing.

[Mendi the ISFJ]

Also @Mendi the ISFJ , grow a spine enough to say, "That is wrong!" when you see someone engaging in wrong behavior. It's fine to empathize about someone's situation, but this world is ultimately about what you do far more than how you feel.

And BTW, to move away from moralizing given your apparent discomfort with that, to the extent that the affair is escapism (and most affairs are in some way) it's not even psychologically healthy given that it is avoidant behavior rather than behavior that addresses a problem directly.

Its not my nor your place to judge her actions. She is the only one that will have to pay for these actions. My telling her shes wrong for it is pointless as she has already done it and it does not effect me in any way. My concern lies with what would make her want to do it, she came onto a forum with her personal information making herself vunerable to your and other heckling and rule mongering. Does that seem like a normal thing to do? I take the fact that she posted it at all as a sign of remorse and i have no need to punish her. I question why any complete stranger has that need.

[redmanXNTP]

Its not my nor your place to judge her actions. She is the only one that will have to pay for these actions. My telling her shes wrong for it is pointless as she has already done it and it does not effect me in any way. My concern lies with what would make her want to do it, she came onto a forum with her personal information making herself vunerable to your and other heckling and rule mongering. Does that seem like a normal thing to do? I take the fact that she posted it at all as a sign of remorse and i have no need to punish her. I question why any complete stranger has that need.

I note that you have ignored every piece of information put out there in criticism, every assertion and its basis, and even things like noting that what she's doing is self-destructive. Instead you've chosen to blanket this thread in a vague whine about judging.

It's not my place to judge? Really? I've got a brain in my head and plenty of life experience and input from others that I can apply to a situation.

You're blind to your own hypocrisy. You're judging her too, you're just doing everything you can to do so sympathetically and positively. You want evidence of that? You claim that the mere fact that she posted here is evidence of her remorse. Look at the last sentence of the OP, which is the only request that she makes in the entire thing:

I know I may get flak for all this but I just would like some insight into what is in his head.

That's not remorse. That's expressing a desire to further her relationship by understanding better where her partner is coming from. Get real.

[Mendi the ISFJ]

I note that you have ignored every piece of information put out there in criticism, every assertion and its basis, and even things like noting that what she's doing is self-destructive. Instead you've chosen to blanket this thread in a vague whine about judging.

It's not my place to judge? Really? I've got a brain in my head and plenty of life experience and input from others that I can apply to a situation.

You're blind to your own hypocrisy. You're judging her too, you're just doing everything you can to do so sympathetically and positively. You want evidence of that? You claim that the mere fact that she posted here is evidence of her remorse. Look at the last sentence of the OP, which is the only request that she makes in the entire thing:



That's not remorse. That's expressing a desire to further her relationship by understanding better where her partner is coming from. Get real.

i read everything you typed to me, i just disagree. has someone cheated on you?