[Reddechick]

I will start by saying HI to all and it's great to read all your thoughts. I am an ESFP and LOVE learning about personality types, I think because I don't understand why people do what they do sometimes. Why aren't they as empathetic as me? Why don't they want to join in conversations? Why won't they open up?

Learning about personality types gives me a book on how to relate to these people, helps me understand the way they think and perceive the world. I am married to an ESTJ ! which is where a lot of interest in personalities came into play for me. We were so different and always arguing about most things, which was very stressful for me as I like harmony and to have a good ol' laugh. Being with a TJ has definitely changed me and my perspectives on things. As mine has also allowed him to exercise the weaker facets of his personality.



It's weird but having lived with an ESTJ for 10 years I feel like an ESFP is a much weaker personality. Once upon a time I thought that being optimistic and being able to adapt easily would have been a plus for anyone but I feel like I have been beaten down. I now see my 'F' as a weakness and not being able to rationalize my emotions as a negative. I have an ENTJ as a Mother-in-law as well ! I only see her once a year, but it takes me weeks to put myself back together after she spends a week tearing me down with all her 'advice'.

I am now looking after my 14 yr old sister ( I am 34 yrs old), and she is an INTP. We come from different planets I am sure but I am trying to learn more about her as she is so introverted and different in her thinking it's hard to be a good parent/guardian to her. Her detachment is hard for me to understand. It would be nice to see her desire something that is good for her but alas she is quite happy to sit on the computer all day and only communicate in a virtual world ! Any advice??
What did INTP's do before Ipod's and IM'ing.?? at least I have her going to school now.

Anyway that's a glimpse into my story.

Reddechick

[SHISHI]

I will start by saying HI to all and it's great to read all your thoughts. I am an ESFP and LOVE learning about personality types, I think because I don't understand why people do what they do sometimes. Why aren't they as empathetic as me? Why don't they want to join in conversations? Why won't they open up?

Learning about personality types gives me a book on how to relate to these people, helps me understand the way they think and perceive the world. I am married to an ESTJ ! which is where a lot of interest in personalities came into play for me. We were so different and always arguing about most things, which was very stressful for me as I like harmony and to have a good ol' laugh. Being with a TJ has definitely changed me and my perspectives on things. As mine has also allowed him to exercise the weaker facets of his personality.

It's weird but having lived with an ESTJ for 10 years I feel like an ESFP is a much weaker personality. Once upon a time I thought that being optimistic and being able to adapt easily would have been a plus for anyone but I feel like I have been beaten down. I now see my 'F' as a weakness and not being able to rationalize my emotions as a negative. I have an ENTJ as a Mother-in-law as well ! I only see her once a year, but it takes me weeks to put myself back together after she spends a week tearing me down with all her 'advice'.

I am now looking after my 14 yr old sister ( I am 34 yrs old), and she is an INTP. We come from different planets I am sure but I am trying to learn more about her as she is so introverted and different in her thinking it's hard to be a good parent/guardian to her. Her detachment is hard for me to understand. It would be nice to see her desire something that is good for her but alas she is quite happy to sit on the computer all day and only communicate in a virtual world ! Any advice??
What did INTP's do before Ipod's and IM'ing.?? at least I have her going to school now.

Anyway that's a glimpse into my story.

Reddechick

Hi Reddechick,

Wow you are just like me except you are probably more mature :P If you think being with an ESTJ is hard you should try being with an ISTJ! My man says for some reason he gets mad at me if he spends too much time with me!

We are only seeing each other on an average of 2 times a week! I am just a very hyper and bubbly person and high in evergy. Maybe I tire him off being an introvert and all :(

I was a bit hurt because is he says that it means simply being myself can upset him! I know he really likes me but looks like he just can't take me too long :(

And when he is upset he just wanna be alone and not talking to me :( Which I absolutely HATE!!! If I am upset I would let him know exactly why. But he wont tell me... How am I gonna work on myself if he does not even tell me what is it that he does like about me?

Oh well... it is really hard to be with someone who is so different from me... but he does have alot of qualities that I love. So I just need to work with it I guess....

Sigh it is not easy being an ESFP really... people around you think you are superficial and silly :( I am actaully very sensitive and I have alot of pride in myself and a lot of determination. I just really dislike being too serious all the time...

[Reddechick]

Hi Shishi,

Ahh refreshing talking to someone I can relate to. I spend so much time trying to adapt myself around other people, cause that's what we do, people please, it's exhausting sometimes. Believe me if you knew what your ISTJ was thinking it would be hurtful I imagine. It's probably the same as my ESTJ except he tells me ! So I get a barrage of criticism. Luckily for me he likes to improve himself by being the best, so in order to do that he knows his personality type and tries to fix his weaknesses. lol. And he knows he can be too harsh and not take my feelings into consideration.
I'm finding I need to see more strengths in my personality. I am optimistic and considerate and accommodating to people's thoughts and opinions. And I am very determined too. I might get beaten down a little quicker than others because I'm sensitive but I still get up and go and don't use that as an excuse to never try again. And I don't trample all over people or manipulate them to get the things I want/need.

I don't know alot about ISTJ's but I'm guessing that you could figure out what his issues are with you by reading the things that really urk them. But seriously, if it is the major points of your ESFPness that he is frustrated with it's going to be very hard for you to change without feeling resentment. If it's just that you talk a little too much or that you don't like to plan things and are late.... that can be modified, but deeper issues than those will make for a bumpy ride. And one thing I know is that we need to express and talk about what's going on. We don't THINK our way out of things.
I guess for me being with an ES is good because he verbalizes what's going on all the time. When we have disagreements, we have to talk and talk and talk to get to the actual root of the problem. That would be made so hard being with someone who doesn't want to talk about it. It's hard enough getting to the solution with someone that does talk !
But I believe if 2 people love eachother and are both WILLING it can work.
Anyways, I'm babbling like an ESFP.....
Would love to hear more of your thoughts

[Tal]

My take on ESFP's is they do what they want, when they want, how they want, and with who they want, whenever they want.

Which can be really entertaining sometimes.

My ex gf is an ESFP and we had a lot of fun together, but decided not to have any real conversations from early on in the relationship. We didn't fight as long as we both kept our mouths shut, or focused on mundane, irrelevant topics.

[SHISHI]

Hi Reddechick :)

Looks like we really can relate to each other so I figured why not talk in private?

Lets me guess your personality. Since you are a leo as well you are probably really friendly, appear really confident, a good dresser, take good care of yourself, funny, and never lack male attention correct?

Well I am bubbly like that and I really like to talk to people who are nice to me :) I am not very nice to people whe are mean though lol I used to want to be everyone's friend but I gave up. No point.

I have dated an ESTJ in the past and well he was pretty understanding though. He has a strong opinion about things but he is a good listener as well. He would listen to what I have to say and try to understand my point.

My ISTJ is a really really great person at heart. He is not that social on a daily basis because he does not have the need to be nice and friendly with everyone. But he is very good to those who he chose to let in and see the real him. He acts all cute and silly with me when we are alone. Oh did I mention he has a very attractive physic? lol I think that was what attracted me to him in the first place :P (I am not gonna lie I need a strong physical attraction in a relationship)

We do get mad at each other from time to time but looks like as long as he gets some alone time he will be okay the next day. I suppose I will just have to accept it and work on it.

I understand how it feels when your loved one is always picking on you :( I think you feel like you are already trying your best and it is never good enough for him. I feel that way and my dad is an ISTJ too :P Its like he always say things like why did u not get perfect on that math exam etc lol

[Reddechick]

Hi Reddechick :)

Looks like we really can relate to each other so I figured why not talk in private?

Lets me guess your personality. Since you are a leo as well you are probably really friendly, appear really confident, a good dresser, take good care of yourself, funny, and never lack male attention correct?

Well I am bubbly like that and I really like to talk to people who are nice to me :) I am not very nice to people whe are mean though lol I used to want to be everyone's friend but I gave up. No point.

I have dated an ESTJ in the past and well he was pretty understanding though. He has a strong opinion about things but he is a good listener as well. He would listen to what I have to say and try to understand my point.

My ISTJ is a really really great person at heart. He is not that social on a daily basis because he does not have the need to be nice and friendly with everyone. But he is very good to those who he chose to let in and see the real him. He acts all cute and silly with me when we are alone. Oh did I mention he has a very attractive physic? lol I think that was what attracted me to him in the first place :P (I am not gonna lie I need a strong physical attraction in a relationship)

We do get mad at each other from time to time but looks like as long as he gets some alone time he will be okay the next day. I suppose I will just have to accept it and work on it.

I understand how it feels when your loved one is always picking on you :( I think you feel like you are already trying your best and it is never good enough for him. I feel that way and my dad is an ISTJ too :P Its like he always say things like why did u not get perfect on that math exam etc lol

I'm almost as you described except I'm not so much of a flirt. My man looks pretty hot (which is important to me .. lol). I'm very conscious of my appearance but I can only work with what I have and I ain't no beauty queen. . My ESTJ has advised me that men will say anything to tickle a girls ego but in the end they are just people with the same issues as everyone else and that no-one can love me like he does. I know he is being manipulative in saying that but it's true he has proved that. While other guys from my past haved proved their worth too, I was very taken in by all the smooth lines. I could see through it but I loved it all the same.

I think one of my biggest downfalls is caring what people think. There is this driving force which undoes me. Even when I'm trying to keep my distance from someone and not let them hurt me I am thinking all the while 'I hope they are ok, I hope their not hurt by my attitude' it makes it really hard to be a little 'harder' when I have this underlying worry about how everyone is feeling. Don't get me wrong I have been told many a time I'm being insensitive, but it's a lot rarer nowadays and I changed my sarcastic ways around 10 yrs ago. I'm now 34 yrs old out and I feel that my 'P' is becoming more of a 'J'. But still my version of a 'J' is nowhere near my ESTJ partner. I am learning not to trust people so easily and open up too quickly, but that takes work on my behalf. I'm like an excitable puppy. I am now a stay-at-home Mum which makes me a lot more docile though. I am really laking in my social needs. I go to playgroup once a week and gym but that's it. I don't have a lot of good friends anymore. I'm so fanging to go out dancing or clubbing but haven't been out in 2 years !

[SHISHI]

Reddechick honey... we should be friends :) We are too much alike and I think we should start a private convo :P I have sent you a private msg take a look :D

[Liontiger]

I was looking for a place to sing the praises of ESFP, so I'll do it here

I recently made an ESFP friend, and she's been a tremendous help in my life. She's sort of my rock. When I need a shoulder to cry on, she's always there. When I need someone to help me sort out my problems, she keeps me grounded in reality. So I would just like to say, thank you ESFPs for being the way you are :D

[SHISHI]

Awwww at least we CAN help people and they DO appreciate our kind heart

[Nomenclature]

A huge chunk of my friends are ESFPs.

They:

• are flaky. My ESFP lab partner straight up forgot the ENTIRE "procedures" section on our lab report.
• avoid learning and reading whenever possible.
• just say whatever, no matter how odd it might sound. (out of nowhere: "I love baboons. They fascinate me.")
• can talk for hours on end.
• laugh at EVERYTHING.
• take everything lightly EXCEPT the aphorism "you're never wrong when you follow your heart".

I have friends of every type, but the ESFPs are the most fun to go out with. You know that mood you're in where you can just laugh nonstop over the silliest things? Yeah, being with them is like that.

But putting them in leadership positions is a big no-no. At float, our class officers had NO organization and were pretty much running amok. I felt like chicken wire was necessary for more than just building the float.