[cnote]

And he's an ESFP.

And I HATE that I like him. He's such a social butterfly and he just always wants to keep moving and meeting new people. Even if I reeled him in for about a week, after that I'm afraid he'd just take off.

So what in the WORLD does it take to get an ESFP to commit? Age? Because if that's the case, I'm done. And I'm not talkin marriage, dude. Just ... relationships wise.



He keeps coming around and then taking off and I can't stand it.

[talon235]

What does he say when you tell him you feel this way?

[Gwenspirit]

So what in the WORLD does it take to get an ESFP to commit? Age? Because if that's the case, I'm done. And I'm not talkin marriage, dude. Just ... relationships wise.

He keeps coming around and then taking off and I can't stand it.

I want to know the exact same thing. PLEASE someone give some insight!

I'm an ISFP. I was in a relationship with an ESFP guy who really left a mark on me. We met at a sophomore college party. Magnetic attraction right away. He told me off the bat that he didn't want to get married until he was older. He wanted to do a lot of traveling first, and he was terrified of getting 'boring' like his married-couple friends. I was fine with that, I wasn't in a hurry to settle down either!

He fell for me (I was already completely head over heels) and asked me out very romantically.

We dated for about 5 months. He was the guy of my dreams and I felt like I was the 'perfect' supportive and funloving girlfriend. It was really exciting going to clubs and restaurants and events (not something an introvert like me does all the time, but I absolutely loved it with him!) His values were pretty conservative, but he was one of those guys who could never sit still for too long. His friends told me I was his first serious girlfriend.

One night when we were leaving a club we got pulled over. He was *barely* over the alchohol limit but they still put him in handcuffs and got ready to haul him to jail for the night. I'm an introvert, but I just started crying and crying, I felt so horrible for him; nothing about it was fair. Inside, I was realizing how much he really meant to me. When I tried to hug him before leaving he told me to "Just go".

From that point, slowly, he started becoming more distant. He was a pro at talking alot without really saying anything substantial. Whenever I tried to ask what was up, he would shift the conversation to something jolly, or jump into whatever our next activity was. He started to hang out with friends without inviting me along. He was always cheerful but I could tell something was wrong.

He asked me to meet him for a talk one day. I thought "Great, he's finally going to apologize for ignoring me so much, and this phase will be over". He told me his "feelings had changed" and he didn't want to keep dating, and he traced it back to that one night. It was like the ground dropped out from under me. I just couldn't believe it was that simple. It was a what-the-hell-just-happened, jaw-dropping pain moment.

This was several years ago. He never came back around; he had a lot of chances but he made it a clean break. I finally emotionally stopped waiting.

What was he so afraid of??? He didn't start dating other women as far as I know.

And how can someone so talkative have such a HUGE communication problem?

[ashmk3]

I want to know the exact same thing. PLEASE someone give some insight!

I'm an ISFP. I was in a relationship with an ESFP guy who really left a mark on me. We met at a sophomore college party. Magnetic attraction right away. He told me off the bat that he didn't want to get married until he was older. He wanted to do a lot of traveling first, and he was terrified of getting 'boring' like his married-couple friends. I was fine with that, I wasn't in a hurry to settle down either!

He fell for me (I was already completely head over heels) and asked me out very romantically.

We dated for about 5 months. He was the guy of my dreams and I felt like I was the 'perfect' supportive and funloving girlfriend. It was really exciting going to clubs and restaurants and events (not something an introvert like me does all the time, but I absolutely loved it with him!) His values were pretty conservative, but he was one of those guys who could never sit still for too long. His friends told me I was his first serious girlfriend.

One night when we were leaving a club we got pulled over. He was *barely* over the alchohol limit but they still put him in handcuffs and got ready to haul him to jail for the night. I'm an introvert, but I just started crying and crying, I felt so horrible for him; nothing about it was fair. Inside, I was realizing how much he really meant to me. When I tried to hug him before leaving he told me to "Just go".

From that point, slowly, he started becoming more distant. He was a pro at talking alot without really saying anything substantial. Whenever I tried to ask what was up, he would shift the conversation to something jolly, or jump into whatever our next activity was. He started to hang out with friends without inviting me along. He was always cheerful but I could tell something was wrong.

He asked me to meet him for a talk one day. I thought "Great, he's finally going to apologize for ignoring me so much, and this phase will be over". He told me his "feelings had changed" and he didn't want to keep dating, and he traced it back to that one night. It was like the ground dropped out from under me. I just couldn't believe it was that simple. It was a what-the-hell-just-happened, jaw-dropping pain moment.

This was several years ago. He never came back around; he had a lot of chances but he made it a clean break. I finally emotionally stopped waiting.

What was he so afraid of??? He didn't start dating other women as far as I know.

And how can someone so talkative have such a HUGE communication problem?

minus the specifics this is exactly what i go through with the ESFP that I know. it's TERRIFYING how quickly they change their minds. and how very abrupt and sudden it is. Up until this weekend I was convinced that he was NOT interested, and I was okay with that because I'm terrified he would never commit to me, and now I'm pretty much freaking out that this is exact thing will happen - one day - change his mind - and be gone.

[BluSkyes]

Feel the same way. I find it mind boggling that they change their minds so quickly. The commitment thing... I honestly do not know the answer to that, but I feel for you. All I know is that I care about him too much to say anything about it. xD I'm hoping I'll just get used to it, and that it'll help me grow into a better person who is less...(for lack of a better word) clingy.

[Thrifty Walrus]

All my friends are ESFP's, and while I love them, they do that all the time. Unfortunately I don't think there is anything you can do :(

[BluSkyes]

Scratch my first reply. The ESFP I love just broke my heart. dont trust 'em.

[Gwenspirit]

The silence from the ESFP's is deafening

Either they're all out partying, or there's really nothing they'll commit for...

[RobinHood]

I'll talk. My Cog functions test places me as a ESFP and the myers-briggs gave me a ESTJ so, take it with a grain of salt.

I was in a long relationship with this girl [ISTJ] (4 years) which I started dating my first year of college. First year was awesome fun and just everything was great. Second year had much of the same. After those 2 years I found myself in the relationship just because it was comfortable. I hung out with my friends more, and ended up letting the relationship deteriorate to the point that she cheated on me. During those years I remember thinking to myself what is a good way out of the relationship. It had become quite boring.

I am currently in a relationship with another ISTJ however she is a little more healthy than the previous. We both have our own space and our own time to do our own thing. It is a much better balance and she is also quite more mature than the previous as well.

I don't mind being in relationships, but I still have the need to have my friends and to hang out with them.

[talon235]

I want to know the exact same thing. PLEASE someone give some insight!

I'm an ISFP. I was in a relationship with an ESFP guy who really left a mark on me. We met at a sophomore college party. Magnetic attraction right away. He told me off the bat that he didn't want to get married until he was older. He wanted to do a lot of traveling first, and he was terrified of getting 'boring' like his married-couple friends. I was fine with that, I wasn't in a hurry to settle down either!

He fell for me (I was already completely head over heels) and asked me out very romantically.

We dated for about 5 months. He was the guy of my dreams and I felt like I was the 'perfect' supportive and funloving girlfriend. It was really exciting going to clubs and restaurants and events (not something an introvert like me does all the time, but I absolutely loved it with him!) His values were pretty conservative, but he was one of those guys who could never sit still for too long. His friends told me I was his first serious girlfriend.

One night when we were leaving a club we got pulled over. He was *barely* over the alchohol limit but they still put him in handcuffs and got ready to haul him to jail for the night. I'm an introvert, but I just started crying and crying, I felt so horrible for him; nothing about it was fair. Inside, I was realizing how much he really meant to me. When I tried to hug him before leaving he told me to "Just go".

From that point, slowly, he started becoming more distant. He was a pro at talking alot without really saying anything substantial. Whenever I tried to ask what was up, he would shift the conversation to something jolly, or jump into whatever our next activity was. He started to hang out with friends without inviting me along. He was always cheerful but I could tell something was wrong.

He asked me to meet him for a talk one day. I thought "Great, he's finally going to apologize for ignoring me so much, and this phase will be over". He told me his "feelings had changed" and he didn't want to keep dating, and he traced it back to that one night. It was like the ground dropped out from under me. I just couldn't believe it was that simple. It was a what-the-hell-just-happened, jaw-dropping pain moment.

This was several years ago. He never came back around; he had a lot of chances but he made it a clean break. I finally emotionally stopped waiting.

What was he so afraid of??? He didn't start dating other women as far as I know.

And how can someone so talkative have such a HUGE communication problem?

For your situation Gwen I ask myself have I done this exact same thing ? The answer is yes, but its never so simple when I finally decide to just cut all communication. I spend an enormousness amount of time thinking of all the things I've done wrong. I weigh out my own actions and think about all the situations that have happened between when the relationship started and how that's affected me and her.

Yeah we have a communication problem, its hard for us to express our negative emotions especially to those we care about. I find that those who put up a fight tend to have a better chance to get me to tell them whats going on than those who just try to let me figure it out on my own.

It could have been "that simple" for him to drop you but in my opinion it probably wasn't. I'm sorry for your situation and I have no answers.

As for the silence from the ESFP's thing well I've learned that I can't stand this forum anymore and I'm leaving. There are only like 3 others here aside from myself that have more than 100 post. A LOT of new ESFP's have told me that the stereotyping here is strong, and I use to try to look beyond it so that maybe more understanding could be reached. Lately though as I see all the generalizing, all I think to myself is... Maybe they're right and maybe we're just horrible people. Anyways, this will be my last post its mostly a personal problem

maybe you've read this already too but yeah you can read this maybe it will help
esfp's and relationships