[defragmybrain]

Anybody in THIS boat??
If you knew what this was like as a kid growing up... jeez it was a PAINNNN.

the NT emphasis on intellect and calculative methods just simply did NOT register AT all and they kept bugging themselves about how they didn't raise me right.
Their structure and J order makes me insane to this day.
As a teenager it was at its worst - our priorities were at opposite ends.
Being the hedon/lazy/unmotivated geek,I didn't fit into what they needed: the A student , honor roll and all.

I never felt like I could talk to them - they wouldnt' know where i'm coming from or what my needs are.

On the up side,
I will say that being an ESFP at 22 growing up with this structure, has made me look into those types of priorities. I'm finding alot more balance in my life that i was taught.



Been there?

[talon235]

I'm attracted to structure but...but I can't stand being told what to do.

I lived with my INTJ sister for a year my freshmen year of college. It was alot of fun but I couldn't take all the pressure from her. The rules werent so much a problem because I wouldnt follow them anyways. lol

I'm very glad I lived with her though because I still took a lot of advice from her to help me with some of my life.

I also have an ENTJ friend who I talk business with. WE love to argue and I think thats one of the best things about our friendship. We are always at odds with each other about our opinions on Investments, it gives us a chance to shoot ideas at each other and learn more about investing. (I'm a finance major and so is he)

[Skarabrae]

Heh, try being married to an INTJ. Classic case of opposites attract. We've taught and rubbed off on each other so much that we've both had a difficult time typing ourselves. lol!

I would look at it on the bright side - you are probably more well balanced than many other ESFP's. Though it can be frustrating at times(!!!!!), and I know how you can feel like a "fish out of water" when you're with them (trust me, I married into a whole family of introverted, intellectual types, coming from a family of all extroverted, trade-working/farmer types), I appreciate how well they offset my personality and how much they've taught me. Thank God I have excellent patience though.

[defragmybrain]

the patience would help, i'd imagine. That's incredible! seems like total opposites. ..how admirable. i dont kno wif i could have ENTIRE extremes for my SO.

[LivingThroughTheLens]

Boy can I relate to this in SO many ways. I was so different from my parents that they actually put me in counseling to see why I was so hyper and free. It was a very sad sad childhood. In highschool I finally came out of my shell not caring what my parents thought of me and it was the best thing I ever did for myself. Although being an ESFP is fun, it can also be very sad when people do not understand you (and I know that first hand). Lucky for me, I have an ESFP daughter and I am embracing this amazing child every single day. She is not only beautiful but she can be the center of attention in any situation. I can't wait to watch her grow up. Her father is an ISTP which seems to settle her down a little but he would never ever stop her from being her. I think he has learned to appreciate me and he knows how to handle her also. My issue is raising a child who is quite obviously an NTJ - this is hard!

[reckless summer nights]

My mother is an INTJ and it's hard living with her, because we are too different.
Why is she always criticizing me and gets angry about nothing?.. It makes me feel useless.

At some point, rude things that she says make me very insecure.
But she is my mother and I love her no matter what.

[petitpèlerin]

I had a similar situation. I'm an STP who was raised by SJ parents with an SJ brother. I can't complain because I had the most stable, reliable parents a child could have and was always well-cared for. But I never felt understood, never felt loved in a way that really mattered to me (different "love languages"), never had my real strengths encouraged, just chuckled at, never got to do the activities that really interested me, and was always made to feel like there was something wrong with me, like I was missing something other people had, and like my life would come together when I would "get organized". It still goes on, but I don't care now because now I get personality differences and don't blame my parents for being who they are. I'm also learning how to laugh with my ESTJ mother about our differences:

Honey, do you know what your plans are for tomorrow?

Mom, I don't make plans. You make plans. I go with the flow.

Maybe "the flow" will lead you upstairs and you can sort through some more boxes.

(We're both laughing by now.)

[Boolean11]

My mother is an INTJ and it's hard living with her, because we are too different.
Why is she always criticizing me and gets angry about nothing?.. It makes me feel useless.

At some point, rude things that she says make me very insecure.
But she is my mother and I love her no matter what.

Socionics says you've got the best relationship possible only when you decide to let your guard down and embrace the experience. You and your mother are just the "same person" function wise, its only that when you interact superficially you'll be using each others ignored (super ego and id) functions which makes you undermine each other in every way.

http://www.wikisocion.org/en/index.php?title=Dual

[reckless summer nights]

Socionics says you've got the best relationship possible only when you decide to let your guard down and embrace the experience. You and your mother are just the "same person" function wise, its only that when you interact superficially you'll be using each others ignored (super id) functions which makes you undermine each other in every way.

Duality - Wikisocion

Things you said are so wise and true! :) Thank you.