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Motivation for ESFP Child???
ESFP Forum - The Performers Thread, Motivation for ESFP Child??? in SP's Temperament Forum- The Creators; Can anyone help me with this question? My brother has an ESFP child. He is a bright kid, but he ...
Can anyone help me with this question? My brother has an ESFP child. He is a bright kid, but he doesn't do his homework or study. He is getting terrible grades - sometimes failing. He is getting into trouble at school. My brother only sees him every other weekend, so he doesn't have much of an influence. His mother allows no interference with her discipline - which is nonexistent. So, he is trying to figure out how to motivate the boy to do better in school. Nothing seems to work because he doesn't really seem to care that he is failing. Any ideas???
P.S.Btw. how old is he? Sry, i forgot to ask this first, I was concentrate on talking for 7-13 years old, don't tell me his is older? hhhhh ;)
Well, his mother must have more discipline in his studying!! Firstly, they learn better in the living room around people then alone, but of cours you need to minimze things which would distract them.Seceondly, his mother should learn with him and help him, but not do it by herself then go with him throw his homework. And make it fun if it's possible. For example reading dialog, he reads for one person, she reads for another. They like expressive reading so compliment on that would be nice ;) or if he like allow him to act one of action from his reading.Coloring the most important parts and drawing would also help. And learn him to look on bigger picture not so on details. Also, allow him to have a lot of breaks beetween studying because of his inability to sit down for a long time. Hiis mother can deal with him -if you do this homework you can go and play, but it's verry importan that he doesn't have plenty to do.It's better one homework- 2 hours of play, then again homework and so on.And, I'm not so sure but I think they like sicience so some interesting detailed book with lots of pictures which they, you would read with him could awake his interest in this and in reading by himself.
And most importantly, give him a lot of encouragment, a lot of rewards,approvals and compliments. For example your brother can ask him how is he in school, how are his grates(sit and talk with HIM ;)) and show him that he is not happy about that(but not disappointed in him) and to agree with him if he gets an A from some subject he would buy him smth in his return home. And for start take some easier subject so that he can see that he really can do it, and to feel accomplishment. Your brother would have a great influence if he doesn't see him 2 weeks because his son would appriciate the most compliments by those who don't compliment him a lot(and because he isn't around approval from his father would be crucile to feel loved and important, i hope he compliment him about other things! ;) ) so when he gets a good grate your brother can call him and congratulate him and say how happy he is ho he know he could do it ;) You also can give him compliments once a while. Just don't(you all) compliment him too much ;)
Or if it's possbile to talk with his teacher and tell her/him to encourage him a bit( for example, my sister had trouble with reading, and my mum talk with her's teacher and the teacher encourage her telling her how she reads better and complimented her in front of the class(nothing too much just small compliment) so when she come home she was so happy and wanted to read, and now she is one of the best in reading :))
It's really important to do this things when he is jung so that he can learn to study by himself when he would be older.
Thanks so much for your reply. He is 15 now. I believe your advice is great and some of it was done, but I wish all of it had been done. In some ways, it is almost too late now. But you can't just give up on someone either. He has tried the rewards method, but the kid gets practically everything he wants from his mother for doing absolutely nothing. So why bother with trying to earn something is his philosophy. In fact, when options are held out to him like that, he says 'you mean earn it?" in a very snotty way, as if the mere idea was distasteful. He tried talking to him about what he wants to do when he "grows up" as in what profession he wants to do. But, he really can't think beyond the moment, the immediate gratification of whatever fun he is having. It's like he knows he is messing up, but he doesn't want to put in the effort to correct it. Like it is too much trouble to do better when there are so many other fun things he could be doing. So...I just don't know what can be done. It seems hopeless, as bad as that sounds. But...if anyone has any ideas given the situation...
are his parents devorced? i think he is angry on his father absence, even thoug he understands the situation.
Maybe you concentrate on the wrong problem.I think his father could help him talking with him, findng more time to see him(if that is possible) or to at least call him more.To give him aproval, not complaining about his grades. So i think you should concentrate to raise his self-assurence and also to improve that father-son relathinship and then try to talk with him about what he likes, like sport, art or smth that's not in school program (does he have any hobys?) and then help him to direct his talents in aproffesional way.
Also, maybe to send him on some insturctions or some cours in which he would learn with other people on more interesting way. Like courses for foreigen languages.
Maybe, he should concertate to just have all the positive grades, we aren't all for schol programs and studying even thoug the person have a lot of potential.Mostly those kind of people become better when they know what they want and when they go to colege to study smth that really interest them. So don't worry so much ;) grades aren't everything. This are difficult age, telling him that you would punish him if he don't study or forceing him to study doesn't help.
I hope someone else with more knowledge would answer it for you, my ESFP is 11 so I don't know yet hehe..
And I'm planing to buy this book so I don't know is it good, but how I heard is really helpful-
"Do what you are" Barbara Barron-Tieger and Paul D.Tieger
carriers and talents for every personality type.
I'm an ESFP; I always was, and still am, a terrible student. I'm not stupid, just don't have the patience nor the motivation to study. In fact, I'm thinking about dropping out of my MBA, because I can't get myself to study, it's torture. Your story sounds familiar, so my advice comes from my experience and what I wish people would have done for me.
The only times I ever got good results in classes I wasn't interested in, was when I had a tutor or was studying with someone. That is because the goal changes from merely finishing homework to being on a team and completing a project together.
My mom never had time for doing homework with me, so team work didn't happen very often growing up. The one major success story that comes to my mind is College Algebra. After the first few tests, my average was in the 30's and was on my way to fail the class. However, I found a good Math major student to tutor me for cheap, and got high B's and A's for the rest of the semester, ending up with a solid B.
The worst approach is to force him to study, it'll never work. Next worst approach is to ignore the situation and hope it will get better; even if he promises you in tears that he'll study harder, the promises will evaporate after a few weeks of studying, I've done this all my life. Fear of consequence is not enough for an ESFP.
The best approach is to find him a tutor. He doesn't need a professional tutor, because he's not stupid, what he needs is a team partner. So hire a nerd to work with him throughout the semester. ESFP's want to please, and once he develops a relationship with the tutor, you'll see fast and huge improvement in his schoolwork.
Do not ask him to find a classmate to help him, I've never had success with that. Have him find or help him find someone a little older that he can respect, but still relate to.
Improving his school results might improve his general behavior too. Good results will make him feel good and secure about himself, allow him to hope for a good future and keep him from getting into risky situations.
I've been trying to force myself to study lately, and the result is anxiety and depression, with very little school progress. If I could only find someone to tutor me again....
Motivation for ESFP Child??? 
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