Hey ESFJs and anyone with tips on how to deal with a lovely ESFJ who just happens to drive me crazy
I'm an INFP moving into the same apartment building as my ESFJ friend and former co-worker. We're not close friends but we're friendly enough, mostly hanging out as part of a work group. She helped me find the apartment and it's a great deal and she's been really helpful. While I appreciate all of her help...I"m getting a little nervous about her potentially driving me crazy. I move in next month and she's already talking about inspecting my furniture to make sure my bed doesn't have bedbugs, because they may crawl through the sockets into her apartment (I'm not a dirty person so I found this offensive; it's not like I asked to inspect her bed for bedbugs before I took the apartment across from her...) Also, she's referring to the shared yard (the building has a total of 5 apartments) as HER yard and already regulating its use with me and the other neigbors. Overall I know she means well but I"m already feeling stifled...she mentions that she and I will walk to work together, she'll drop by to watch TV and make dinner, we'll go to nearby restaurants on weekends, and she can't wait to meet all the friends I"ll have over. HELP! I'm an introvert and I HATE "drop-bys". I HATE having my space violated. And I need time to myself to recharge my batteries. (A bit of background, she's let herself into my previous apartment to "check it out" before when I wasn't home). I want to set boundaries now, but she gets so offended very easily. Here are the boundaries I'd like: I'll have dinner parties and of course she's welcome at some, but I don't want her to assume that anytime I have someone over or go somewhere that she's automatically invited or that I have to "report to her"; I also don't want any unexpected "drop bys"; and she's been giving me "advice" about my dog (she has a dog too) and I have a sinking feeling that she'll start getting into my business about how I walk him, groom him, which vet I use etc. I know she means well but she can be really controlling with her "help" and when she gives "advice" she gets really offended if she's not "obeyed." Again, she's EXTREMELY sensitive to any perceived criticism. So, given this, how do I set the boundaries and preserve the friendship? And, also, how do I respond when she starts bossing me around about how I live my life? I don't want to feel like I"m hiding out in my apartment or sneaking around to avoid her... Thanks!