Question!

**elissabowden** · 12-14-2011 05:50 PM

Do you help people when they don't ask for help? I'm just wondering because my ESFJ sister does this.

**Slogo** · 12-14-2011 08:19 PM

Sometimes I do, but I usually try to ask or get approached. It's what some say to do instead of just jumping to help. Also, if it's a co-worker or someone is trying to learn how to do something, it's important to step back so they can learn how to do a task even if there is failing. I know I learn by doing (sometimes), so it's important to let others and myself do things alone. But yeah, I am always eager to help.

I have the enneagram 2 thing where I feel bad asking for help...it's easier to give or tell than receive or ask for me. This could be part of my enneagram 1w9 too (perfectionist).

**elissabowden** · 12-16-2011 10:35 PM

wow, no other responses?

**Slogo** · 12-17-2011 04:09 PM

Yeah, I think we're really rare on here and/or too shy and/or doing other things. We are very present IRL tho.

**Chipps** · 12-21-2011 09:21 PM

Originally Posted by shykind

Yeah, I think we're really rare on here and/or too shy and/or doing other things. We are very present IRL tho.

Ain't that the truth.

**Ahiko** · 12-22-2011 10:34 AM

My ESFJ boyfriend always tries to help me out when he can. Sometimes I don't even ask for it and he will try to help me out. When I was in financial trouble, he would go out of his way to try to pay for our food and even loan me money, but I'm really against borrowing money because I don't like the feeling of financial debt toward another person.

After my car accident a few days ago, he was really upset that he couldn't be there to take care of me or even give me a hug. He's in NorCal visiting home since school is out.

He has a tendency to helping people out. I know before we started going out, he'd be really kind and helpful to girls. They tended to gravitate toward him for advice on their boyfriends, and he usually won't mind helping people out with rides if they need it. I guess he gives off the impression that he's really nice, and people go to him for help. If they ask, he definitely can't turn them down. It's almost to a fault.

Also, if it's a co-worker or someone is trying to learn how to do something, it's important to step back so they can learn how to do a task even if there is failing.

Yep! He's definitely understanding of this idea. I'm going back to school for computer science (he's a computer science major), and he's helping me out with it. He's an amazing teacher, but he knows when to back off to let me learn on my own. I really admire his understanding of that. :D

For your sister, are the people she's helping close to her?

**gurlygurl** · 12-22-2011 10:30 PM

Do you help people when they don't ask for help? I'm just wondering because my ESFJ sister does this.

Depends on the person. . .

Some people, I couldn't care less about, because they don't deserve help and they're in their situation for a reason. Others, I would happily help but they like to do things for themselves and they get angry at those that try to help them. Some, I am clueless to because they aren't close to me. And everyone else, I will help if at all possible in whatever way that I can.

I pretty much will ALWAYS help those that ask directly for help though. It physically hurts me to turn those people down. . .

**BlondeRJ** · 12-23-2011 11:38 PM

Originally Posted by shykind

Yeah, I think we're really rare on here and/or too shy and/or doing other things. We are very present IRL tho.

Too shy?? When has anyone ever met a shy ESFJ?
I've been in babyland since having my daughter this year. Kind of need to get back on here.

**Slogo** · 12-24-2011 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by BlondeRJ

Too shy?? When has anyone ever met a shy ESFJ?
I've been in babyland since having my daughter this year. Kind of need to get back on here.

I am a shy one...I'll admit it is rather rare. lol. Everyone is shy sometimes in certain ways. You do need to come back...not kinda! Congrats on babyland.

**elissabowden** · 12-25-2011 12:26 AM

Ok just because you're an extrovert doesn't mean you're automatically not shy. I'm pretty shy until I'm comfortable in my surroundings.

Yes she's always helping me. She did this a couple days ago. She doesn't even ask. "you're welcome for cleaning your room" um how the hell am I going to find anything? If I wanted her to clean I would've asked. She acts like I don't appriciate her but how can I when I didn't ask for it? I don't go in her room and move shit around. Or ye
sterday I was working on a christmas project and I leave for an hour somewhere and she starts on it.

How do I make it clear that I'm very independent and she needs to back off? If I need help i'll ask. it's driving me nuts and I don't want to play dirty and make a point by moving her stuff around.