[punky16]

Ok so I am not an ESFJ, but I thought this would be a good way to get them to come hang out on this forum. Who doesn't like being the center of attention?! So if you are an ESFJ then please let us know that you will answer our questions for you... ENTP's, INFP's and ISFP's are dying to talk to you!

[Blonde_Doctor]

OK, so I may be the one willing to answer:)

[punky16]

OK, so I may be the one willing to answer:)

Ok ..here is my burning question...

After you have been wounded deeply by a person...I hear that ESFJ's can close that person out and never talk to them again. That is my experience with one ESFJ that I know...what would soften your heart and get you to talk to that person again? Have you ever had any experience along those lines? Thanks in advance.

[Ohhiknow67]

Ok ..here is my burning question...

After you have been wounded deeply by a person...I hear that ESFJ's can close that person out and never talk to them again. That is my experience with one ESFJ that I know...what would soften your heart and get you to talk to that person again? Have you ever had any experience along those lines? Thanks in advance.

Personally, as an ESFJ, when in any kind of relationship I get attached to the particular person and give them several chances to redeem themselves because I understand that we all kind of screw up sometimes. It really depends on what you did. If I were cheated on I wouldn't stand for that crap. If it was a fight of some sort, I am actually pretty forgiving once people admit what they did wrong. What softens the heart of an ESFJ is pretty much honesty, compassion, and sincerity. Do not let your actions and your words seem contrived because I think ESFJ's hate lying the most.

If this doesn't answer your question, you can tell me a bit more and maybe I can help you out better. :-)

[Linnifae]

Here's a question...but before I ask it, I just want to say I only have one ESFJ friend that I'm aware of. She's text book ESFJ and I really like her a lot..I find it odd that some people on the forums say that they find ESFJs really hard to get along with. My friend is incredibly popular and gets along with just about everyone.

So my question is what do you think the biggest misconceptions are about ESFJs and why do you think other types have them?

P.S. If this came across insulting in any way I assure you, that wasn't my intent.

[dagnytaggart]

When I get into an argument with an ESFJ (this included my mother and a few ESFJs I knew casually) about something I did wrong, instead of focusing on solutions to fix the problem and moving on, they want to bitch at me for even doing the bad thing in the first place! They're so focused on "my intention" and "how I could've possibly done such a thing."

When I have an issue with someone, the argument is over as soon as an actual solution is agreed upon. The end. Why drag unnecessary drama?

[punky16]

Personally, as an ESFJ, when in any kind of relationship I get attached to the particular person and give them several chances to redeem themselves because I understand that we all kind of screw up sometimes. It really depends on what you did. If I were cheated on I wouldn't stand for that crap. If it was a fight of some sort, I am actually pretty forgiving once people admit what they did wrong. What softens the heart of an ESFJ is pretty much honesty, compassion, and sincerity. Do not let your actions and your words seem contrived because I think ESFJ's hate lying the most.

If this doesn't answer your question, you can tell me a bit more and maybe I can help you out better. :-)

Well...he did give me a year to redeem myself. I didn't take it. I broke his heart and moved on. I didn't cheat. But now looking back...I realize it was a mistake and he was the greatest love of my life. To be fair, I was going through the death of a loved one at the time so my judgment was impaired...and I dated a guy that reminded me of the man that died that I had loved once. So when I moved on...my ESFJ still paid all my bills and called all the time and wanted to stay best friends, but I told him that I needed him to back off and he did and never came back. I found out later that he tried to commit suicide after losing me and had had a nervous breakdown and could not function for quite some time...I think he is afraid to be hurt by me...and that the trust is broken. But love like we had is of the soulmate variety and I would do anything now to mend it. But he is bitter and angry. He won't talk to me and his family warns him to stay away because they fear for his sanity. All of my family tried back then to tell me he was my one but I couldn't see it yet. Well now he has a girlfriend and he won't so much as reply to my messages. I know that he doesn't love her as deep as he loved me because he isn't public about his affection for her. And to be honest...I would be happy with even an acquaintanceship or friendship again. But I don't know how to repair what I damaged so that he will talk to me again. I think that he feels like Frankie J from this song:

[Blonde_Doctor]

When I have an issue with someone, the argument is over as soon as an actual solution is agreed upon. The end. Why drag unnecessary drama?

ESFJs live on their feelings. And during a" drama" feelings get very intense, so we unconsciously push until the tension (and the feelings) reach their top.

[punky16]

ESFJs live on their feelings. And during a" drama" feelings get very intense, so we unconsciously push until the tension (and the feelings) reach their top.

I like that. It seems like ESFJ's are so alive to me. I miss my ESFJ.

[dagnytaggart]

ESFJs live on their feelings. And during a" drama" feelings get very intense, so we unconsciously push until the tension (and the feelings) reach their top.

But why? Why not just solve the problem and get it over and done with?

QUESTION 2: Why do ESFJs oversacrifice for others just because they "feel sorry" for people? It makes absolute 0 sense.

QUESTION 3: For the ESFJ who does the above, take your punishment in silence when you feel the sucky effects. Why take your resentment out on the person you felt sorry for (and hence screwed yourself over for)? It's irrational.