[rd93]

Gosh, as much as I love people - I really find that I need my down time. I'm at a point in my life where I don't have much privacy or time to myself and it's really messing with my head.

Also, when I'm not feeling so confident, I find that I don't enjoy being around a lot of people like usual. Why do I get so introverted when I'm feeling down or unsure?

YOU HAVE OVERCHARGED YOUR EXTROVERTED BATTERY LIFE. Just kidding, you will probably realize the need for alone time after extreme social exposure or consistent penetration of external sources. It's your inner INTP speaking...


You don't like being around others when not confident because you gauge yourself through other people, not within yourself. You take things in externally (ESFJ values are primarily gathered externally). If you are not happy with yourself, you no longer wish to be around people, as they are usually a very important part of your external living. ESFJs also tend to see themselves through the eyes of other people, whether or not the things in question are actually seen by those people. Unconsciously, I think about myself through other peoples' eyes, which makes me very flexible, always changing, and in some ways lacking consistency. When I feel self-conscious (whatever it may be), I’m certain other people will see it clearly and it makes me uncomfortable. Lately I have come to realize that these perceptions are mostly only visible to myself, and the people I'm around don't always share the same opinion. In other words I’m too hard on myself. It's our damn J function. Always changing how we feel and then feeling it too solidly and strongly. It has to be decided, always strictly one way, and that doesn't leave much room for contemplation. Once we think it, we're set on it, and after several bouts of changing what we think as we gather new information, our confidence can become deflated.

It's kind of a stabilizing mechanism in a way, to make sure that nothing is in the dark; we think the worst, making us internally pessimistic. But it's a different kind of pessimism, a way for us to establish order and protect ourselves from the worst. By thinking the worst, and setting ourselves to higher standards, we aim to avoid bad situations and unwanted traits/habits. And in this way we can also lose sight of the positive traits we have. Then our confidence goes out the window yet again.


Sorry for writing way too much/over-explaining.
And this may not even have been what you were talking about. But if it was, I hope it helped.

[The Darling]

Rant: I want to get the out of this house but I can't because I don't have sort of transportation. My laptop's charger is messed up so I'm forced to use my dad's desktop. Which means I keep hearing my parents argue because I'm not in my room where I usually am. Which is really messing with my head because it brings me down to hear them argue with one another because it reminds me of my biological father...and yeah.

Rave: Umm, it looks pretty outside? The sun is going to be setting soon and the sky looks really nice. Also I get to get my hair done tomorrow lol. I know that probably isn't a big thing for you guys but when my hair looks good I feel good so I'm looking forward to it.

[candyoverlord]

It's your inner INTP speaking...

Speak of the devil, and he doth appear... >:3

I agree. As a professional introvert staying in is a nice, safe place to stabilize and recharge. Just because you're mainly an extravert doesn't mean you can't benefit from a little introversion from time to time. Even introverts will sometimes grace the world with their presence.

Can't be up and go go go all the time. =)

[Hunny Bunny]

Didn't know where else to put this, so I'll just leave it here.

My sister's birthday is coming up in a few days and my Mom (ESFJ) sends her a package in the mail (early, as usual). My sister is all happy and says, "Mom sent me a Birthday gift." :-)
Then she opens it.

It's a 24-pack of white washcloths and a birthday card with money in it.

White washcloths??
CAN ANYONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME?? So my sister (INTJ) says, "apparently Mom thinks I don't have enough washcloths."

Needless to say my sister was dumbfounded and disappointed.

I love my Mom, but WTF? I'm determined to get to the bottom of this. See, even fellow ESFJs don't get each other sometimes!!

[kodabear205]

im like that. i think its because we dont know how to describe our feelings in words so we shut down out of sadness or just.. i dont know. iv been trying to figure that out myself-.-

[step606]

Why is it so hard for other people to ask questions when they're not sure about stuff (emotional stuff)? It is so frustrating to find out after a relationship (romantic or otherwise) has come to an end that all it would have taken was them asking for clarification. Is it just me? I have zero problem asking questions if I'm not clear on something. I simply do not understand the fear that prevents a person from asking. What is the worst thing that could happen?! Really?!

[rd93]

Why is it so hard for other people to ask questions when they're not sure about stuff (emotional stuff)? It is so frustrating to find out after a relationship (romantic or otherwise) has come to an end that all it would have taken was them asking for clarification. Is it just me? I have zero problem asking questions if I'm not clear on something. I simply do not understand the fear that prevents a person from asking. What is the worst thing that could happen?! Really?!

Hallelujah!!! Took the words right out of my throbbing brain. This has repeatedly frustrated me beyond reason. All I need is to KNOW. I don't like to be lied to, I just want the truth, no matter how bad it is. I hate the idea of deluding myself. And I'm so honest, if people ask me, I will most likely give them a straight answer.

[kodabear205]

i feel you. im in that mood of sinking down right now and its really crashing hard. while im here i really cant keep doing the same thing everyday. it is almost painful..sleep..band..school..band..sleep. like. i dont even know what to do.. i feel like iv been shit on. no one understands me.. no one ever says "hey i want to know that girl!" you see it happeneing all the time. people meeting new people.. and it just drains me not haveing anything exciting going on and it just makes me break down. iv broken down for the last 4 days is a row feeling lonley.. it sucks butt..i cant even describe my emotions because im like lkdjfbwlfdgkdfngls... there is to much going on right now

[Hunny Bunny]

Being sick always makes me depressed.

[rd93]

i feel you. im in that mood of sinking down right now and its really crashing hard. while im here i really cant keep doing the same thing everyday. it is almost painful..sleep..band..school..band..sleep. like. i dont even know what to do.. i feel like iv been shit on. no one understands me.. no one ever says "hey i want to know that girl!" you see it happeneing all the time. people meeting new people.. and it just drains me not haveing anything exciting going on and it just makes me break down. iv broken down for the last 4 days is a row feeling lonley.. it sucks butt..i cant even describe my emotions because im like lkdjfbwlfdgkdfngls... there is to much going on right now

I'm going to take a wild guess here (not really) and say that you're depressed because of lack of desirable social interaction and because traditional social milestones don't seem to be happening to you like they do to everyone else. Everything is routine, there is nothing interesting and new, and you long to be somewhere exciting, somewhere that you always see via mass media but never experience. Nothing is how you want it to be, you have no control, and everything is depressing. Do you happen to have a parent who is very controlling too? Sorry this might all be nonsense and mean nothing to you, but I'm trying to help you explore your feelings and maybe figure things out by giving you questions to answer.
Talk to me!