ESFJ: Relationship Resolution

**Grey** · 01-30-2010, 12:19 PM

Here is the ESFJ way. You will see the many and varied personality traits that ESFJs naturally show as they relate to others. If you are an ESFJ let this self-knowledge help and guide you in your marriage and family life. If you are in relationship with an ESFJ allow the wonder of what you learn here to guide your understanding of and responses to how ESFJs behave.

Myers-Briggs “Compatibility Test” Results - ESFJ Personality Traits
• The ESFJ will likely radiate warmth and love in a relationship
• The ESFJ will work hard at creating and maintaining harmony in the family
• The ESFJ is likely to be much less commanding, firm, authoritative in relationship
• The ESFJ is likely to be more responsive to the emotional needs of a mate
• ESFJs will provide stability to any relationship
• ESFJs center their attention on the here and the now
• The ESFJs enjoy things and will work to create and maintain a attractive home
• ESFJs are likely to be repelled by criticism and negative comments
• The ESFJ will likely uphold tradition both family and otherwise (holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, etc.)
• The ESFJ under stress may become emotional and withdrawn and become critical of self and others
• The ESFJ will desire sex to express their love but less likely to experiment
• The ESFJ will typically be very loyal to a mate
• The ESFJ is likely to be generous with praise and appreciation and needs it in return
• The ESFJ will be attractive to community action and community affairs will like the mate to be also
• The ESFJ likely will teach children the “right thing to do”
• The ESFJ will desire much interaction with others

On the Personality & Marriage section of this site the statement was made that all relationships will encounter conflict. It is part of being human. How we experience conflict, react to it and move to solve it are instinctive. So we have some power and control and will INSTINCTIVELY and NATURALLY use our personality traits in a conflict resolution activity, at least some of the time. The following personality traits are keys to understanding the ESFJ approach to conflict in relationships/marriage.

ESFJ Conflict Reactions Personality Traits
• ESFJ will likely feel very uncomfortable with conflict
• ESFJ is very likely to take the conflict personally
• ESFJ will likely not confront the conflict
• ESFJ will usually take the most harmonious approach to finding the solution
• ESFJ will want to solve the conflict as soon as possible
• ESFJ typically will see how others will be impacted by the conflict
• ESFJ likely will focus on the in the now solutions

ESFJ Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits
• ESFJ will naturally consider an objective, somewhat detailed, practical approach to conflict resolution activity
• ESFJ will rather quickly make a decision; involve other’s feeling as much as possible
• ESFJ will avoid criticizing almost at all costs….they feel the criticism
• ESFJ will typically look for harmonious solutions to the conflict
• ESFJ will focus on what each individual wants to take place
• The ESFJ will likely discuss the issue briefly, concisely in a to the point kind of manner
• ESFJ will lean toward decision options that can be quickly implemented rather than future oriented

ESFJ Likely Positive Solutions Will Be:
• Fair, reasonable, considerate
• Helpful, useful, positive, beneficial to people
• Well organized, competent, capable
• Traditional, institutional
• Arrived at through consensus
• Win-win in focus

ESFJ Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities
• ESFJ will typically take everything personally
• ESFJ will not see debate as objective problem solving and not easily understand how others do not
• ESFJ may not see the potential future concepts of the situation
• ESFJ may overlook, disregard, write off solutions that seem non-people-oriented
• ESFJs are likely to ask questions when they are really wanting to make a statement
• ESFJ are prone to indirectness and thus appear to be manipulative
• ESFJ struggle if they cannot discuss things calmly and without strife
• ESFJs will have difficulty with those who openly blame and criticize
• ESFJs may decide much too quickly
• ESFJs may not easily see the big picture
• ESFJ may overlook their own feelings as clues to what is causing the problem
• ESFJ may later regret deciding so quickly, but the drive is there to remove the pain
• ESFJ may exaggerate the effect of their hurt feelings and others

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