So I must warn you, this is long. Apologies. I hope you can bear to read through it for the problem-solving buzz. I have no one else to turn to!
So I broke up with my ENTP boyfriend a couple of months ago, it was around mid February. I ended it because I felt like we just couldn't see eye to eye; his world view and mine clashed constantly and we were stuck in a terrible rut. We are both young fairly unhealthy, he being too narcissitic and extremely preoccupied by image, wealth and status (which drove me insane because at times it felt like I was living in American Psycho, no joke) and I being too depressive, prone to horrible cycles of melancholy which render me pretty much lifeless. Not a good match.
I tried to end it once last December, but he cried so hard (yes, he honestly cried!) that I felt unbelievably guilty and took him back, under the conditions that we'd be more honest and open with each other with the future. Nothing changed of course, and so I broke up with him for good in February. He was stunned and incapable of speaking to me at the time, but we met a week later and chatted about it and agreed it was for the best - we were both too busy and ambitious to focus on the relationship, and things hadn't been good for a while.
Since then, he has called me several times on random days, sometimes turning up at my door, usually at odd hours, and most often drunk. Stupidly I always let him in, thinking he's came to 'talk' and that we'll maybe tie up loose ends, as we obviously still have complex feelings for each other, and I think it helps to talk these things out rationally. However when we see each other, it's like we're both lost for words and we get really shy, and we end up just kissing really frustratedly. Then he usually falls asleep and leaves the next morning, and it's forgotten about. Until next time he calls.
Anyway, I hadn't heard from him for three weeks - the longest spell yet - and so I assumed he had found another girl. Long story short, I found this to be true - he's had another girl round for dinner and I believe they've slept together more than once.
But the worst part is: SHE LIVES IN THE FLAT RIGHT ABOVE ME. Her bedroom is literally directly above my own, and I can hear her music, her footsteps, sometimes her conversations. So god knows what I'd hear if he were to visit... :(
I'm trying not to be too mad because I understand that you can't help who you fall for, and I'm not sure whether he knew her address before he started talking to her.
In either case, the situation is fucked because last night, he called me around 5am after a night out. Again, stupidly, I let him in. I'll admit I was curious and hoped he'd have something interesting to say. But he kissed me everywhere and tried to sleep with me, I pushed him off and told him to go home. When he left he kissed me passionately, violently even, and since then has dropped me 2 text messages, one of those being around 5 minutes ago. Now I assume she is with him at the moment because upstairs is silent and she left the flat looking 'datey' (I looked through my peephole when I heard her coming down, creepy I know) so why is he texting me when he's with her?
WHY THE FUCK did he come to mine last night if he's seeing her?
If it was because he meant to call her and called me instead, then why didn't he jst hang up?
Why did he kiss me and hold me like everything was like it was and that he loved me?
Does this mean he's not over me and the girl upstairs is just a rebound? (If that's the case what do I do because I don't want to get back with him one bit!)
Just how serious is dinner and nights out, is that usually a sign you like someone a lot?
He doesn't know I know about the girl - I thought it best to keep quiet until I found more information. So I thought in a way it could be revenge for me breaking up with him? But how would it be revenge if he doesn't now I know? Did he simply expect me to find out? (Doubtful - the way I found out was a combination of small circumstances and overheard conversations in the stairwell which added up to an AHA moment; I have never spoken to the girl before and we have no mutual friends)
Do I confront him? Or let him continue seeing her, knowing that he could be right above me at any moment?
WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO SHE LIVES ABOVE ME!!!!!!
If they start dating, I'll hear everything! I'll be living in a state of constant anxiety knowing the boy I loved for 3 years is prowling around above me with another girl! I can't move because I just renewed my lease for another year. :(
Oh help, I'm so confused because I just don't know where I stand anymore, I don't know what he thinks of me and anytime I've asked him in the past he just pulls faces or cracks jokes. In truth, I don't even think HE knows what he feels about us, so asking him is futile as we end up stumbling over our own sentences and getting nowhere. It's hard to explain but we have a real communication problem - it's like we both put on an act when we get together, he acts like a jokey, arrogant, Jim Carey type, while I act like a shy little Disney princess who has no brain. It's odd because this is just not me at all, and yet everytime I'm with him I'm stumped for words, it's like the sight of him turns my brain to mush. Together it's like we're playing a game of happy couples, and that's why I ended it - it never felt real to me.
Anyone else experienced a similar type of INFJ - ENTP mode of communicating?