my ENTP exboyfriend/first love recently contacted me after what feels like eons.
We were together officially for two years. He was attracted to me from the start and I saw him as a best friend who after a romantic courtship, became my first love. We had exceptional chemistry in every facet of the relationship - intellectual, emotional, physical. We spent every day at school and afternoon together and after saying goodbye, could not wait to reconvene in our conversations on the phone at night. Our dynamic was very fun, spontaneous, loving and we could talk for hours - whether about our dreams for the future - so full of potential - or simply playful verbal sparring about nothing in particular. We learned there was nothing like being in love with your best friend. He showered me with romantic gestures that can only be rivaled by great poets like Pablo Neruda. The honeymoon period soon ended when the tumultuous fights began. The demands of university set in and the stress of not being able to balance a healthy relationship with school resulted in a mutual breakup - although more his decision than mine. He told me the never ending fights were what ultimately broke his heart.
In the years immediately following the break up, our close friendship still resembled a romantic relationship. In fact, most people still considered us a couple, and from most angles, we still acted like we were together. I insisted that we not become friends with benefits, thus the intimacy we shared was more emotional than physical. We still celebrated major landmarks together and were each other's valentine's for many years. Neither of us entered serious relationships with other people, so I was naively content with this arrangement until I realized that I was cheating myself of true commitment and a future that I deserve. I spoke to him about possibly getting back together many times but he saw nothing wrong with the current situation and while neither negating the possibility of romance in the future, insisted that the present was not a good time to get back together. I waited patiently (read: fooled myself into waiting) for three years until I finally could not handle the emotional manipulation anymore. He wanted my company but could not give me the commitment I wanted. I felt repeatedly heartbroken and by this point my self esteem was reduced to nil. In one of the most heartbreaking and angry fights we'd ever had, I finally decided to pick up what was left of my integrity and told him I had had enough. He hoped we could be best friends in the future but I could make no such promises.
Since moving on, I have had 1 serious relationship. My ex and I had a two hour phone conversation after 8 months of no communication (2 months into my new relationship). I called him after finding out that for my birthday party, my ex had insisted on paying for bottle service for the entire group so I called him to thank him for his generosity. The tempo of the conversation flowed seamlessly, and the chemistry was palpable. He conveyed to me that the past 8 months had been extremely difficult, that he missed me, that he still has a special place for me in his heart, and he hopes I am happy. He also admitted to not being able to find another girl with whom he shared the same level of intensity and chemistry. I spoke very little about my new relationship, as I wanted to focus on preserving a positive remnant of our past (considering that we had ended previously on such horrid terms). We called this our inflection point - that perhaps we have finally learned how to be friends again - made promises to keep in touch, but communication remained sparse. He often contacted me to hang out with a bigger group but i often opted out bc I was in grad school and was a long drive away.
Another year goes by and we no longer communicate. At an annual camping trip with friends, he and I were both present and by this point, familiar strangers. Also, I had broken up with my third boyfriend and was newly single. The dynamic of my ex and I was the strangest thing I had ever experienced. I caught him staring at me often, yet there was a thick, almost hostile tension between us. The few times we spoke directly to one another, we were cordial with one another but conversation remained superficial. After he became really drunk, he told mutual friends that he wanted to spend more time with me and wanted to put his sleeping bag next to mine. I did not reciprocate in any flirtation because I felt too cautious to step into one of his manipulations.
I texted him happy new year to which he replied. A month later, he called me randomly to catch up. We spoke for about twenty minutes. the conversation was, again quite superficial. we were both nervous and a bit awkward.
one last bit worth noting is he hasn't been in a relationship since ours.
To all the ENTPs reading this, can you please clue me in to some insight on what is going on with my ENTP ex? what does it appear he wants? also aren't ENTPs known for keeping doors that have been previously shut, tightly sealed? are his actions motivated by a bruised ego? can I trust that anything is sincere or is this all a game or some sort of affirmation seeking behavior? I am asking because a part of me still has deep feelings for him and am nervous about opening myself up again to potentially get hurt once again. I am hopeful that ideally we can become close friends again. Thanks in advance for any and all input!