[Anna Perenna]

These days I'm writting an important research paper for a project conducted and supervised by an ENFJ lady (about 40 years old).

On the surface she seems warm and claimes to be very empathetic, but to me she is just overtrying in "boring" way (i used boring cause it sounds elegant). Moreover she has strong religious views that make her quite subjective in dealing with us, her students.

I also spotted her unspoken (of course) tendency to judge people as judging books by their covers. And I'm the shiny element of her group so...

She doesn't seem to like my strong , opinionated and independent ways of dealing with problems ...and this lady constantly tries to slow me down.



Regardless of the reasons, I really need to get under her skin.
So, dear fellows, I'm asking you some inspirational input . What role should I start playing from now on, because everything I've tried didn't help very much and it is the first time that my entp-ish style and manners do not improve my status .

Hit me ! anything goes ...

[Boxter9]

Regardless of the reasons, I really need to get under her skin.
So, dear fellows, I'm asking you some inspirational input . What role should I start playing from now on, because everything I've tried didn't help very much and it is the first time that my entp-ish style and manners do not improve my status .

Hang on, I'm a little bit confused. Are you trying to irritate her, or develop a more positive relationship? Either way it seems like the ENFJ forum might be of more assistance. :P

[King_Moonracer]

She sounds like a big ole defense mechanism to me .She's using that nice happy attitude to cover SOMETHING up. My guidnance counselor in high school was that same way, sounding like she was some kind of hypnotherapist robot being too nice...suspiciously nice. OR she could be using her religion to gain some kind of pride, thinking she is better than other people because she believes in God. That would be why she judges people.

Jesus would be all like "O ye hypocrite!"

To break into her, all you have to do is piss her off some how. Not in an extreme way, but you've gotta hit a nerve. Find out something that she is strongly opposed to or very uncomfortable with, and bring it up in class. Talk about politics, religion, ethics, or anything else that can become controversial. This will surely bring down her defenses.

[Anna Perenna]

@ Boxter9
A good one, as there are great chances to need her super positive recommendation in the future :D

[the3rdpower]

Knowledge is learning something new everyday...
Wisdom is letting go of something new everyday...

Let it go.

[yesiknowbut]

If you want to get positive responses from ENFJs, you have to use emotive languange. You have to really value the worthwhile work that she is asking you to do. It has to make you feel good. It doesn't have to actually make any logical sense: whether it can or it can't she might not be able to see that.

I usually get round people by working out what their motives are. This is her project, so she has invested her emotional self and her values into it somewhere. You have to openly respond positively to that. You could even try flattery: anathema to us ENTPs, but ENFJs like being stroked.

Assuming that what you want is to come out of this with a result that forwards your career and objectives rather than Beating This Woman, that's the way to go. If, of course, you just want to win a couple of cheap shots and upset her and feel good about yourself for 3and a half minutes at the expense of your future career, follow Moonracer's advice....

[Anna Perenna]

@ the3rdpower
Knowledge is objective and wisdom is subjective .
The first means almost the same for all of us , but the second operates with the very best features of an individuality ...and we're all so different ;)

[traceur]

look, if there's anything i learned from my INFJ-related "projects" and affiliated lurking, is that you get good advice from other types, while asking advice from your own type might be reaffirming more then anything useful. anything we'll say will most likely encourage the behaviors that are causing your problems.

so yes, go to the ENFJ forum.

[Olmed3011]

Stick with whom you are or you wont gain anything else than less respect from her and yourself.

Be smart and be the best you can, but winning by playing someone else than yourself wont taste like victory.

[AJ2011]

This reminds me of someone I was working with, possibly an unhealthy ENFJ. I tried everything. After I was exasperated in trying to make him enthusiastic about something, I was inadvertently humorous, and that happened to work like a charm. Opened him up for other discussions, and he was much more jovial, less "boring" and more willing to try out new things (or at least hear them out).

What does she find funny?