[SpilledMilk]

I urge you to write down or even draw all of your current thoughts. Good, bad, awesome... make it about yourself and not a letter to anybody. Don't erase anything, no one will read it. :)...

But I will read it, and I'm very, very harsh on myself. Looking back, with 20/20 hindsight, at prior entries (not just the love letters, but other stuff) is like looking at the work of some infant fumbling with issues completely beyond his competency.

Forgiveness is one of the biggest issues in my life -- not of anyone else, but of myself. I take personal responsibility for my own failings, of which there are many, and though I know I always regret inaction over the consequences of any action, I am still my own worst enemy in many ways. It feels like any other way, such as forgiving myself for the causes of that breakup, is an excuse or cop-out. I know this is illogical in many ways, but I'm grateful that time has slowly healed the self-induced wounds even if nothing else that I've tried works.

[the3rdpower]

Very good movie ESSM. Probably one of my top 40 movies.

The reality is if I remove one moment of my life I'd become an entirely different person. Every memory accounts for who we are today. I know that if I didn't remember a girl I dated a long ass time ago I probably wouldn't be where I am at today. I know that if I removed that horrific family experience, as painful as it was, it still wouldn't lead me to the life I am happy to be living today. No, it is far from perfect on the external but it built my character and allows me to accept the person internal (even when tough as hell sometimes.)