[someonesane]

I am an INFJ and in my past I met an ENTP who was not rude, but less sensitive to the feelings of others. He was kind of sweet to me, of course, maybe because he knew I was kind of shy? I have no clue why, to be honest.

But anyways, he was always kind of nice. He would sometimes give me advice about things or in rare cases indirectly tell me that I should be less sensitive about things. However, there was a period of time where we didn't have any classes together and we didn't really get a chance to talk. It kind of faded from there.



Eventually I messaged him, and asked him if he was angry with me. He replied: "um no, i don't know why I would be, I don't think we have talked in like a year" I know I have this emotional side to me, but doesn't it seem kind of callous?--compared to how sweet he was before.

There's more to it: He works at a library and sometimes he hears my conversations with people where recently I have become more outspoken. I don't want to revert back to being overly shy. I mean, I'm still shy, but not with my deep friends who I talk to at the library and if he overhears my personality, what can I do about that? I can't do anything because it's me, and I can't change that. I feel like he doesn't think I'm genuine anymore. I have grown out of a large part of my shyness, does it mean that he can only be friendly to the innocent girl in the past?

What did I do wrong, and how can I make it right? Someone help me to see this in a perspective that makes sense.

Thanks in advance.

[devoid]

Nothing you said sounds like you upset him at all. He was just being honest; he hasn't spoken to you in a year. Why would he be mad at you? ENTPs tend to go in and out of speaking with people for no particular reason. We get bored and then don't see a good reason to call you up, then maybe five years later will randomly pick up the phone. It's not a commentary on how much we like you, just us being fickle.

And I don't know about the males in here, but I'm not overly fond of shyness. It's not an automatic deal breaker, but I'd be happy if my partner felt confident enough to speak their mind around me, even if it was personal or a different view than my own. If you act less shy around him, he'll probably think you feel more comfortable with yourself and will appreciate that. There is no need to use hesitation around most ENTPs, or social courtesy for that matter. Be whoever you are and we will respect that.

[Exerio]

I don't think you've done anything wrong. We entp's tend to dissappear without giving it much thoughts on feelings. There doesn't need to be a reason for this. As for the other part, entp's can also be shy. Why don't you strike up a conversation with him next time you see him? If you think about him you should act, not analyze.

[yesiknowbut]

Um, he passed the time of day with you at one time because he is a nice guy, and why would he not? What decent human being goes around being unkind to people? He must have been really surprised when an acquaintance messaged him after a year to ask if he was angry with her.

Whether or not someone is kind to you does not signify whether they feel you are in some way special or want a deep relationship with you. I'm quite nice to my postman, you know?

I think you maybe have a tendency to over-complicate things, make them deeper than they are. Believe me, there is unlikely to have been anything hidden with this guy, if he'd wanted anything deeper he'd probably have mentioned it.

[someonesane]

I am sure you are very sweet and that you are nice to your postman :) I meant that he is of course, nice, but he seemed to be extra nice to me. I know I sound crazy, but sometimes he stares at me. I'm not hallucinating it either. lol. I don't try to pick up signs where there aren't any if I can help it, but I thought he was angry with me because of his friends. I got into a huge debate with his friends,and I was wondering if he was just angry because of that. I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense.

[devoid]

I am sure you are very sweet and that you are nice to your postman :) I meant that he is of course, nice, but he seemed to be extra nice to me. I know I sound crazy, but sometimes he stares at me. I'm not hallucinating it either. lol. I don't try to pick up signs where there aren't any if I can help it, but I thought he was angry with me because of his friends. I got into a huge debate with his friends,and I was wondering if he was just angry because of that. I'm sorry, I know I'm not making any sense.

I would love someone who got into a huge debate with my friends. :D

And staring is definitely a good sign. It means he finds you interesting, at least.

[someonesane]

I tried striking up a conversation with him in the library. All I could say was "for how long have you been working here." hahaha, and that was as far as the conversation went.

[crackerjacktiming]

Eventually I messaged him, and asked him if he was angry with me. He replied: "um no, i don't know why I would be, I don't think we have talked in like a year" I know I have this emotional side to me, but doesn't it seem kind of callous?--compared to how sweet he was before.

I feel like he doesn't think I'm genuine anymore. I have grown out of a large part of my shyness, does it mean that he can only be friendly to the innocent girl in the past?

What did I do wrong, and how can I make it right? Someone help me to see this in a perspective that makes sense.

Thanks in advance.

You did nothing wrong, and like the previous posts, I think you may be overly emotionalizing the situation. By nature ENTP's do lose contact with people easily. I can tell you that 100% from many of my own experiences. His mind is probably on a million different random things at once and relationships with acquaintances won't often come up I'm guessing. While it sounds insensitive, unless someone is overly unique or extremely interesting, most ETNP's aren't gonna put a lot of energy into them. Politeness and interactions on a acquaintance level is what most people get from us.

If you want to get his attention, do just that. What hziegel said "there is no need to use hesitation around most ENTPs, or social courtesy for that matter. Be whoever you are and we will respect that." is absolutely true. We like when people are honest, straight forward and not worried about what we think(can be perceived as a weakness, which really some don't like :P)

Long story short, just talk to him. If you want his attention, ask for it. Simple as pie. :)

[someonesane]

Really? You would love someone who got into a debate with your friends. The whole debate was on politics. lol. I definitely jumped out of my personality when I was debating with them...I mean, I was almost mean. I tried not to be, but I couldn't help it. I get too emotional about things I'm passionate about. I thought he found me interesting too...but if he's an ENTP, does that mean that there's nothing deeper than I think?

[someonesane]

It's true. I want his attention again. You don't think he would be weirded out or think I was crazy, if I simply told him that I want his attention?


Though, I don't want him to assume I am in love with him.