[OneiricEntropy]

You've been warned that I'm after dating advice.



So I have recently starting dating an ISTJ. This is my first venture away from NT mates, and I must say that I'm pleasantly surprised. The I/E balance is very good, because is very confident and takes over when I am in my introverted moods and vice versa. We are both T so we don't emotionally overwhelm each other, but are still able to communicate clearly where emotions are concerned (for the most part) and the J/P dynamic works out great... he's very flexible for a J. He's an incredibly kind and gentle man which is a tremendous departure from the jerks I normally fall for, and I adore him.

We discussed last night that our one huge point of contention is with him being traditional/religious and me being a free-spirit/FLAMING Atheist. We've both voiced respect for the other person's views, but we both recognize that this is potentially a fatal flaw. For example, he wants a traditional Catholic wedding ceremony... something that would feel inherently wrong to me; I respect his views enough to not want to make a mockery of them, and I would feel like I'm lying in my own wedding, not okay. I'd love to hear opinion/experiences on this matter...

[ENTPreneur]

It would be astonishing if you would succeed in creating a lasting relationship... Absolutely astonishing... Unless you are mistyped or somewhere in the middle on the scale.

I grew up amongst ISTJs and my oldest friend since 19 years is one. The potential for disaster is huge. But they are super-loyal when you win them over. But winning them over is not like having a picnic; Their way of caring may clash hard with ENTP ways.

[OneiricEntropy]

It would be astonishing if you would succeed in creating a lasting relationship... Absolutely astonishing... Unless you are mistyped or somewhere in the middle on the scale.

I grew up amongst ISTJs and my oldest friend since 19 years is one. The potential for disaster is huge. But they are super-loyal when you win them over. But winning them over is not like having a picnic; Their way of caring may clash hard with ENTP ways.

I have definitely won him over... he is really, really drawn to my independence/competence, and I am drawn to his sincerity and silent strength. As far as my type, I am fairly in the middle of E/I and F/T, but am highly N and P. He is not extreme on his E/I and T/F and P/J, but very much S.

What do you mean, "way of caring may clash hard with ENTP ways'?????? Please elaborate.

[yesiknowbut]

I find ISTJs to be lovely people, but not sure it would work for a long haul. In the long term I would find the lack of freedom stifling, I think.

[OneiricEntropy]

I find ISTJs to be lovely people, but not sure it would work for a long haul. In the long term I would find the lack of freedom stifling, I think.

Lack of freedom? Hmm, I don't feel like I lack freedom at all. He is well aware that I am not to be controlled, and that's one of the qualities that he says he loves about me. I guess I'm not sure what you mean by lack of freedom??

[yesiknowbut]

I suppose that I'm thinking ahead 15 years. Chances are that your lives, if they continued together, would become predictable. Because that is what he would want.

But you know, relationships shouldn't be about types, but about people. I reckon that shared values* and ambitions count for more than shared cognitive styles. If you like the guy, who cares what we think?






* the religion thing suggests that you don't entirely have shared values. Just sayin'.....

[Mr.Xl Vii]

Here's my two cents. I'll tackle this on two fronts.

The first being the type issue. SJs tend to be incredibly conservative and authoritarian (this is probably not all, but I have yet to meet a liberal SJ). Especially the introverted ones. If you can handle living a conservative lifestyle despite being an ENTP (which SCREAMS liberal), then more power to you. From my experience this just turns into tension. If if you shy away from political things, conservatism stretches into other aspects of life. Liberals tend to be more adventurous in their eating, in looking for new experiences, etc. Conservatives tend to be very comfortable with the familiar. I've also grown up with an SJ stepfather and predictable is pretty much the only way to describe my life living with him.

On the second front there is the whole religious aspect. If he is traditional and religious then this could be a cause for concern as well. If he is a believer eventually you'll slip up and say something, or not react in a proper way to something regarding his beliefs and that could cause stress to the relationship. Also like you mentioned there it the whole wedding thing (if you get that far) that could be another issue.

I mean I'm not saying that it's destined to fail, it could very easily work if you too learn to navigate each other's waters. But there will probably be some major roadblocks.

Lack of freedom? Hmm, I don't feel like I lack freedom at all. He is well aware that I am not to be controlled, and that's one of the qualities that he says he loves about me. I guess I'm not sure what you mean by lack of freedom??

You guys just started dating so right now everything is new and exciting and he loves every aspect about you and vice versa, but once you all fall into a routine like I said above he'll probably be less adventurous and predictable which would sort of kill your go get 'em ENTP freedom.

[ENTPreneur]

Hey, if it works and you feel good, just get off this forum and into each others arms.... Dont over analyze.... (coming from me that is hilarious)...

[amon91]

An opinion from an ENTJ: Personally I wouldn't date anyone who doesn't fit my values, which includes drive and an open mind. From my experience, ISTJs tend to get more and more inflexible as they grow older, and harder to put up with.

A traditionalist attitude might not matter much right now, but later down the road it can become a problem, because in the end you'll approach changes differently. You may become worlds apart.

Not trying to dissuade you there. Love matters more than type, and there are great people and bigots of all types. I say keep him as long as he remains open-minded, if he changes his tune just kindly dump him.

[Sellihca]

That guy sounds like a chump, go back to the jerks.