ENTP and ENFJ?

ENTP and ENFJ?

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This is a discussion on ENTP and ENFJ? within the ENTP Forum- The Visionaries forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; How would an ENTP guy and an ENFJ girl work out? I've been completely fascinated with this ENTP for years--but ...

  1. #1
    ENFJ - The Givers

    ENTP and ENFJ?

    How would an ENTP guy and an ENFJ girl work out? I've been completely fascinated with this ENTP for years--but i have a feeling we wouldn't work--I think he has somewhat of an interest in me. I have been his ego-boosting, counseler, occassional hook-up friend -but it's generaly all based on his moods... he will start talking to me a lot for a month and then disappear for a few months. I resist giving him a chase because I don't think I'd be happy with him if I won him.. He seems somewhat of a follower, even though he has such a unique way of thinking--he is so literal that he points the most interesting things out that I think many of us brush past--also, i see the girls who give him a chase. he gets bored. I'm the only girl who seems to have lasted a few years--so I almost try to just appreciate what I can from him, but resign myself to accepting that we wouldn't actually work out.

    I do think I really respect him because he doesn't seem fragile, and people seem fragile to me, or in another world completely. I think he's weary of me because even though sometimes I can feel his intrigue with me, and I think he respects that i seem fairly self-assured and I get along with people, he is weary about whether i'm "weird" and waits for other people to give me approval first, before he approves.... I was shocked he was an E actually. I used to think he must be very private and internal and so i just waited patiently for his tidbits of information, or for him to warm up to me-i tried to be extremely safe for him--never interfering or manipulating... He was always social, but i was convinced he was Introverted-but no, E. (I made him take the test..) He's also the youngest of 6 siblings and had apparently a perfect family until he was about 20 when a bunch of heavy drama erupted and now he is estranged from his parents (seems to be their fault, although I am amazed at his ability to hold a grudge and so decisively and permanently cut someone off---i can only be mad at someone i respect. Once I move past being able to be impacted by that person, I cant be mad--yet he can systematically remove people from his life...I mean, he has good reason, but it is still impressive. I don't know many people who can cut people out like how he does... I just dont have that ability....I always wind up comforting the people who were the worst to me through their guilt and unhappiness...)--but yes, maybe some of his "follower" characteristics come from standing in the back most of his life, quietly observing his siblings....

    he doesnt take anything from anyone, but he is careful to remain independent. He seems fearful of other people ever making him do anything he doesnt want to do. He comes across as an asshole a lot, but I guess I feel his intent is good-or at least not bad... he almost is trying to be kind in being so blunt initially or rude preemptively--so he never leads anyone on... in whatever capacity.

    I dont know. Honestly we dont even have chemistry. I am compltely fascinated with much about him... He also is so good at just offering deliberate statements here and there. It allows me to fill in gaps-so i create him to be this amazing soulmate--i'm realizing it's all on purpose. he never rambles.(my worst flaw probably) He can be so cold to me, but because i'm not super invested (i'm beyond the point of being impractical about crushes, I suppose... plus, i know i want to be happy in the end, not just given a lifelong chase myself...and, i want to make someone happy, and I don't really think I could interest him. He seems to really want high-maintenance girls, even though he talks about hating high-maintenance people constantly....) I am more just enjoying observing him and watching his ebbs and flows...

    I think I couldnt handle a life with someone who seems devoid of compassion but then, at other times, he seems so insightful and empathetic--like he had to create a coping system that took on the persona of the typical asshole...
    i dont know! I really dont think we'd work. I think i'd expect him to be like, the hero of a romance novel--and he'd make a "decision" and be hassled by me probing at it--which I woudl do even if I understood and respected his sentiment or thought process... because i'd want him to be warmer to me, or forgive people of their faults more... so i'd end up belittling him by attacking those hesitations he displays when he seems to be trying to figure out if something is socially acceptable or not. I think id go for his achilles heel in that way, and never see a soft side of him that is probably prominent, at least regarding himself. And as i was attacking him (which i never do to anyone except boyfriends apparently....), id also be severely co-dependent and he'd lose all respect for me... I don't think he'd ever really find ME soft or vulnerable. he seems to be tense in conversation with me... I hear him actually converse with a normal flow with other people, even my sister... but never with me. Him and I only exchange thought-out statements. Whenever we have inched towards a warmer banter, we end up hooking up and its not great and then he disappears until i either coax him back to me (only works when i dont really care... he ALWAYS seems to sense any urgency I have and he resists perfectly... and he calls me out on EVERYTHING. He always always gets what I'm doing... I love feeling vulnerable to his ability to analyze...)--or he returns on his own, usually prompted by him having something he wants to talk about... I think he knows that i adore him unconditionally...haha, proabably because I joke about being obsessed with figuring him out and how he's the greatest person ever....

    ahh, but I sure do enjoy when he talks. I silence crowds when he wants to speak.

    I would love any opininos on ENTPs and ENFJs, --maybe i'm completely wrong about everything! I dont know much about the ENTP personality type. (oh this guy is going to be a lawyer too, as am I...we just graduated from law school, where we met....)



  2. #2
    INFP - The Idealists


    Huh. I don't have any advice for you. But this sounds like my relationship with my INTP girlfriend.

    We are somewhat addicted to each other. Most of the time we don't fit...but those few times we do....ahh dangit were hooked. Whenever she acts like she "doesn't care" I immediatly take action....and she does it to me as well...except now ive figured out how to keep her attracted without actually acting like I completely don't care....ah my manipulation side is coming out .....shit.

    Basically though....I think you're relationship is unhealthy. You are getting a "fix" of what you really want....and what you really want ....isn't there. You know that...I can tell. Also....let me help you when it comes to why you all are attracted to each other....

    Here are you're cognitive functions and their "natural" romantic matches

    ENFJ- Fe Ni Se Ti + INFP- Fi Ne Si Te

    ENTP- Ne Ti Fe Si + INTJ- Ni Te Fi Se

    When we look at it like this, we can try and figure out why exactly you guys are attracted to each other "sometimes" and sometimes you're just ....not. (Se and Si attract ....Ne and Ni attract ....etc. .....supposedly)

    K I can see that he probably finds you're Ni attractive as well as you're Se while he can identify with you when it comes to Ti and Fe.

    Now if you look at you....and then look at INTJ ....you can see how far removed you are from his so called "ideal" match.....and how well equiped you are as well.

    You can also look at INFP and see how far removed ENTP is from you're ideal match.

    K so speaking of rambling :p. Hope this helped :)

  3. #3
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Its like when you are trying to remember a name of a person/song/movie/etc. and you cant figure it out so you dwell on it for days wreaking your brain to figure it out. That is essentially what he is doing to you.

    He loves the attention but because you "joke about being obsessed with figuring him out and how he's the greatest person ever...." he knows once you figure him out you will have proof that this "wont work out" so he leaves for months at a time to keep distance and know you are out there thinking about him without letting you crack the puzzle. He goes after high maintenance girls even if he doesnt like them because it is a challenge.

    Doesnt sound like any relationship I have had with an ENFJ, but thought I would throw in my 2 cents.
    thegirlcandance and marzipan01 thanked this post.

  4. #4
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by treesee View Post
    Its like when you are trying to remember a name of a person/song/movie/etc. and you cant figure it out so you dwell on it for days wreaking your brain to figure it out. That is essentially what he is doing to you.

    He loves the attention but because you "joke about being obsessed with figuring him out and how he's the greatest person ever...." he knows once you figure him out you will have proof that this "wont work out" so he leaves for months at a time to keep distance and know you are out there thinking about him without letting you crack the puzzle. He goes after high maintenance girls even if he doesnt like them because it is a challenge.

    Doesnt sound like any relationship I have had with an ENFJ, but thought I would throw in my 2 cents.

    I totally agree with you.. i mean, that is my theory. and i think he is okay with it because he knows i am safe-i think he knows i'm not pining away in a way that could cause him to feel bad/hassled--
    but he is just so INTERESTING. its amazing to be able to just give little pieces of interesting things--and the fact he knows how to intrigue me...

    if that is an ability of ENTP, i am super impressed, i do NOT have the ability to be limited and leave a "mystery"--

    so have you dated ENFJs? how did it work?

  5. #5
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by fishalee View Post
    if that is an ability of ENTP, i am super impressed, i do NOT have the ability to be limited and leave a "mystery"--
    That is one of the things I like initially about ENFJs they are very easy to open up too... but if you are not extremely careful we start to reveal more than we mean to
    Quote Originally Posted by fishalee View Post
    so have you dated ENFJs? how did it work?
    Yes... up to a few days ago. It was good while it lasted

  6. #6
    ENFJ - The Givers

    Quote Originally Posted by treesee View Post
    That is one of the things I like initially about ENFJs they are very easy to open up too... but if you are not extremely careful we start to reveal more than we mean to


    Yes... up to a few days ago. It was good while it lasted

    ooh, wait, so you said iif ENFJs (such as myself) are not more careful, ENTPs (such as yourself) will reveal more than you mean to? why did you say that as a warning? why would that be a bad thing?

    and what did you mean that you like ENFJs b/c they are easy to open up to "initially"-does this mean you dont like them after awhile?

  7. #7
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Quote Originally Posted by fishalee View Post
    ooh, wait, so you said iif ENFJs (such as myself) are not more careful, ENTPs (such as yourself) will reveal more than you mean to? why did you say that as a warning? why would that be a bad thing?

    and what did you mean that you like ENFJs b/c they are easy to open up to "initially"-does this mean you dont like them after awhile?
    Woops sorry misworded. If we (ENTPs) are not careful we reveal too much (Warning for ENTPs lol)
    I mean ENFJs are especially easy to open up to right away.. they just seem very trustworthy and open so we probably say more than we need to unless we make a conscious effort not to. If he is able to abstain from revealing too much he is likely using defense mechanisms... we have a lot

  8. #8
    ENFJ - The Givers

    This sounds scarily like the relationship I have with an entp... especially the part about how he disappears at the critical moment (when there is any sense of urgency) and then reappears every time I come to some sense of peace in my life. very aggravating. this just makes me want to bother him right now and be like, dude, wtf? for some reason, though, we're both hooked on this insane behavior.

  9. #9
    ENTP - The Visionaries

    Hehehe, You sound like my Romanian ENFJ friend Eliza. She'd probably describe me almost the exact same way. Especially that part about disappearing.
    Hycocritical truth teller thanked this post.

  10. #10
    ENFJ - The Givers

    WHHHY do you disappear? WHY. Explain this to me.


 
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