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This is a discussion on Do people vent to you? within the ENTP Forum- The Visionaries forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; Originally Posted by Kaylee People come to me all the time! I agree with Zeep that's it's because they saw ...
I find people flock to my office, come in and close the door, and vent about the doings of other coworkers.
I think the main reason is that I am non-judgemental, don't take sides, don't talk about others behind their backs, and secondarily what The Stig says above, about showing them how things may fit together in a way they had not perceived.
I allow it for purely selfish reasons, not because I necessarily feel for the person. I use the information to add to my conceptual model of how everything works and fits together.
Question - how many of you vent to other people outside your closest relationships about personal issues? I might complain about how a systems works, but not usually about people unless I feel they have a large influence over that system.
Yeah, they come to me, but how useful my answer is depends on my interest in them. I have no interest left in most of the people in my class, so in general I say common sense using bigger words, this way I don't involve myself, since probably everyone said the same thing, and I seem "wiser" than the others, so they will come back when they have other problems that may interest me.
Empathy is not a common feeling to me.
ThunderQuine: To people that are not so close I don't talk about things that are really important to me, but I may occasionally make little things seem like big issues. People tend to open up to you if they think you are opening up to them.
Last edited by Cab_no; 09-10-2012 at 01:13 PM. Reason: clarity
I never vent to other people about my feelings and whatnot. Not even people I'm close to, really. I have a diary for that. I feel like telling people just gets awkward and makes me feel more self-conscious than anything.
The only things I rant about are when something is really bugging me. On occasion that's a person, but never anyone I'm close to.
To answer your question - as far as sharing personal issues with co-workers and the like, I just don't see a point in doing so.
Yes people come me to vent, and like @zeep and @kainmosni said, it's just easy for others to approach somebody who has an objective, non-judgmental perspective and wants to genuinely offer the best advice for a given situation.
Yes and no.
MegaTux clarified that quite well with knowing the absolute truth. I'm a terrible person to ask to sympathize with you, and my strategy around that relies on distorting reality to the point of problems not truly meriting emotions because they don't even exist in the grand scheme of things. It usually turns into some postrationalization of homebrewed philosophy and how "the worst has already passed you by", thus enforcing the notion that grieving is technically what is causing the emotional disturbance at this point which is highly irrational and unnecessary.
I try to put people in a picture of the future, where the time to mope has already passed and life is back to normal. That usually speeds things up.
That however does not fare well with deaths in the family. I've been called an insensitive asshole far too many times.
I try to vent first to condition them into not wanting to vent to me.
Adding to my point, and to back up @FuzzyLittleManPeach 's point, personally I'm fascinated (may it be for good or evil) when someone comes to me about problems, because it allows me to "add to my conceptual model of how everything works and fits together."
I can't say I'm "problem free" (well no one is) but I just at the moment don't have the type of problems an average person may have. I'm careful with finances, single and looking, and just get on with my own hobbies and interests, while trying to bump into a significant other. Work problems stay as work problems which aren't really problems at all, just part of the job.
When people open up to me I gain a lot of insightful information, thoughts and what I would call "experiences" because it allows me to feel how everything works. Topics usually involve family, friends and relationships, then secondary problems are of the technical nature i.e. PCs, phones, etc
As a result, although I might not have a lot of "real" experience in something, my high empathy in people allows me to recall the experiences they've shared with me to which I further mould it into my own to not commit the same mistakes as them where possible.
Confused? Yeh, I'm finding it hard to explain too lol.
I do vent a lot to people, but it's not true venting of my true thoughts and feelings.
Yes, I get this a lot too. I think it's because I'm just a very approachable/friendly person. They take me as someone that will listen without criticizing, and really that's what I am. It's definitely more of you personality than just your face, although I've seen a study that showed people are more likely to approach a person with certain features, than somebody without them.
Edit : Don't post while inebriated.
Last edited by DiamondDays; 09-12-2012 at 05:52 AM.