What do you like and dislike about ISFJ's? Could you see yourself being compatible with one?
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This is a discussion on ENTP's opinion of ISFJ's within the ENTP Forum- The Visionaries forums, part of the NT's Temperament Forum- The Intellects category; What do you like and dislike about ISFJ's? Could you see yourself being compatible with one?...
What do you like and dislike about ISFJ's? Could you see yourself being compatible with one?
Currently in a seven year relationship with one. I'm not really in the best of mood right now to reply on this but I feel like the most competent.
A relationship with an ISFJ is one of those relationships that an ENTP would wanna have just so that not every layer of his life is shaky. An ISFJ provides that stable backbone, gives that ENTP a sustained self esteem just because there's a stable relationship.
The relationship is pretty much ok. There won't be frequent misunderstandings, but FUNDAMENTALLY, the core personality of the two are miles apart. And both types are hardly compromising.
ENTPs enjoy the more multi-faceted side of life. They have a lot of hobbies. And ISFJs are domesticated, work oriented people. If this discrepancy is not handled well, it poses problem in the relationship.
ENTPs enjoy a more intelligent form of conversation. ISFJs just take the status quo as they are, and they tend to be pragmatic. And they're not conversationalists either. They expect you to abide by the rules, and they expect you to intuitively understand it. Any form of questioning can be perceived as weirdness.
My ISFJ is not the jealous type, and seemingly, it seems OK to her that I have a harem of female NF friends. I just assume that she isn't jealous because she's too pokerfaced for me to be able to draw some conclusions about her.
My sister-in-law is an ISFJ ------- and I think my INTJ brother is a lucky SOB because of it.
That said, I hate to say this, but she is a tad boring as far as conversation goes - but I love it when she fusses over me as a younger brother-in-law.
The weirdest thing is that [and I'm not pushing stereotype], she actually loves doing things like cleaning up my room, or getting me food and doing little things for me. I feel embarrassed when she does, and I confront her and tell her to stop, and she looks practically scandalized when I do.
When I was going through my divorce, my brother, his family and myself were living in the same house as my parents [don't ask, I didn't have the money to have my own place at the time] --- and immediately after my divorce when I turned into a total and utter emotional wreck and whiny little slob, she took care of everything for me. That included listening to me rant, making me lunch and dinner, taking care of my living area .. getting my room cleaned .. she took care of a lot of things that I no longer had the drive/energy/motivation to do so ---- and she was happy doing it. Which won a lot of respect/love for her.
So ... since she's an ISFJ who took care of me, I have a lot of love and respect for her - and perhaps a reason why I think very highly of all other ISFJ's.
Do I see myself as compatible with one? Well, let's just say that when I first dived into MBTI [at the time I was testing as an INFJ --- oh the horror :P], when I first saw type compatibility and saw the ISFJ description, I was like "man, this kind of woman has exactly all those qualities I lack!" In any case, I don't really care about MBTI based dating/compatibility. I'm in a very happy relationship with an ENFJ and we're also not only highly compatible but there's something extremely intense and peaceful about our relationship at the same time :)
Mutant Messiah said is quite true for me too
i was not in a relationship with an ISFJ, but my father did.
and to tell you the truth i had to live with her for a while during my childhood.
i would say it was the worst years of my life.
if the most biutifull woman of the world was an ISFJ i would never want to be in a relationship with her, even if she is really really open sexually.
i mean i knew others ISFJ and it was always the same. When i see an ISFJ i know exactly what she thinks about a lot of things. i don't want to talk to her, because i know we are probably going nowhere.
for example, my father's girlfriend doesn't think by her own... do you believe that?!!!
what TV says, is the ultimate truth for her. She always take the status quo.
she is afraid about everything; that's why she is racist... but she will never admit it.
and most of it, bad.
she makes every decision because of what people want.
but she doesn't want anything except money and friends to make criticisms and fuck.
she doesn't have hobbies.... but really nothing, even movies or cooking or sport!!! nothing at all.
just talking to friends she doesn't really like about jobs they don’t like. what the point?
and the only topics she knows are: job/ critisisms about friends and family/ and politics ( witch she doesn't understand at all). Her favorite topic is her job!!!! Really?!!! And it’s a creepy one (trust me). And she doesn’t like her job.
When she looks at my father when people say something a little different from TV
my father always says: " what?!! Really you didn't understood again?!!!" always….
She is the kind of woman who likes men who beat her. What I want to say is that: she doesn’t like to be beaten by someone, but she like that kind of men, and when thoses guys start to beat thoses girls (they doesn’t understand and stay whit thoses guys because : she loves him). Do you believe that?!!!
And last but not least: she is maniac… but really maniac! She put so much Perfumes when I was kind, that I always had headaches and my friends too (when they came home). OOOHHHH and I forgot her tendency to control everything, was horrible.
I am not saying all ISFJs are the same as my father’s girlfriend, I’m not saying you are or every ISFJs are like that. But the ISFJs I know are like that. That’s why I even don’t want to talk to her.
Trust me, even an ISFJ will probably start to hate an ENTP. I think if the ENTP can always deal with platonic conversation with no interesting subjects and like to stay home or spend time with people he doesn’t really like and who doesn’t think the same way. It can work.
And I am sorry to talk like that, but to tell you the truth, it was the worst days of my life, and I’m not kidding…
The things about being impressionable/gullible and overly submissive hold true for her as well. However, my brother being an integrated 8 [More like a 2 INTJ] has a great deal of nurturing qualities himself now. He's brought up her mental level a great deal. And even my INFJ mom just today was telling me that her daughter-in-law is no longer the same old boring/submissive woman she was when she first got married. She's matured a great deal and has really assimilated some of the most positive values of our household.
I think that's kinda how the SiFe combination works. It needs a mix of positive exposure/experience and validation to really develop. She got it from living with a family of a developed ESTJ [my father], INTJ [my brother], INFJ [my mom] --- and perhaps a little bit myself. She learnt from the negative experience of having to live with an unhealthy ENFP+ENTP relationship [I suppose both our Ne's combined to help her develop hers in some way] and according to my mom has really matured in a positive direction :)
These are great responses! I was asking because I don't always fit the prototype ISFJ.... I know that not everyone within a type is the same though. I test slight F. There are many similarities to other ISFJ's, but i wouldn't consider myself extremely submissive (if anything a little aggressive because I usually ask for what I want and get it in most settings...my philosophy is that it doesn't hurt to ask... all they can do is say no). Also, I tend to be a little less caring/caretaking of others. No way would I go to your house to clean or cook or anything on my own will! It would take a concerted effort for me to get motivated to do that. If I'm going to visit you I better be able to put my feet up and chill... unless you are overly sick and near death. The caring part does come into play internally, but then I quickly start to think "do I really feel like helping this person" and "why can't they do for themselves" or "someone else can help them". Then, I decide whether or not I am really going to help them and if I do it is on my own schedule and time table, not there's.
I do feel that I could develop more hobbies though. I tend to get really good at perfecting a work related craft and leave less time for learning new sports and acitivities. I would say that I participate in some activities, but that I should be open to doing more unique activities. This would make me a more well-rounded person. It's funny because since I do enjoy going different places and traveling often many people I know assume that I am capable and participate in a lot of interesting things. But usually I am not going to be the first one to engage in various active experiences, with the exception of working out in a gym. I sually particpate in unique adventures if I am edged on by other more social or outgoing friends. I don't like to sit around and be bored and I do respect learning new things. So, if one of them says "Hey, let's go try such and such I am more apt to tag along and participate if I am not in my "recharging" phase.
My husband is an ENTP and I feel with the exception of him liking to "argue" about "everything" we have a pretty solid relationship and typically enjoy doing the same things. He seems pretty easy going when it comes to things I want to do or places I want to go. I usually take the lead on things to do and places to go. I've gotten used to the "arguing" because I know he likes to do it for "FUN" sometimes and usually I bring a practical approach and sometimes it is enough to shut him up... at least temporarily..lol. :)
I was in a long relationship with an ISFJ. She was really cool for the most part. Unfortunately, I found her boring and judgmental. She apologized on multiple occasions for being "not as exciting as my friends" which kind of pissed me off. Not that she was boring, but that she apologized in such a way that made it seem like my expectations were wrong to have. Fond of guilt trips. She also wished I was more "whipped". She also wanted to see me a lot more than I "wanted" to see her. It wasn't that I didn't want to see her, I'd just be doing a bunch of things. Things always had to be her way. I wanted things unconventional ways XD
Some good things about her was that she genuinely cared for me more than any non-related female ever has before. I really think she actually loved me at one time. I pushed her away though. She also made sure I was taken care of. I rarely take care of myself for various reasons; mostly due to doing other things. She always needed times for things which forced me to regiment my life a bit more. It may seem like that bad outweighed the good, but the good is so much more important. Hindsight provided me the bad. If you can make someone feel genuinely wanted, that's really all that matters in the end I think.
All in all, the bad times were bad, the good times were good. There are major pitfalls to avoid, but that's just like any relationship. All in all, I liked her a lot :D
I am recently divorced from a marriage to an ISFJ for 6 years. The beginning was great and we perfectly complimented each other on many different levels. What really brought about the big change was our first child. Our attitudes on how to approach the task of caring for, and raising a child really brought out our differences in an extreme way. In the end, it turned destuctive and after a few years the only thing we could agree on was that the marriage needed to end.
One thing I will say is, once an ISFJ has lost faith in you, you are F-ed. There is almost no way back into the circle once you have been removed. Good Luck!