[Steini]

Hey everyone, I’m writing this to start with in Word since I want to set this text up properly first before posting it. I might post it in both INFP and ENTJ forums, I hope that’s okay with the moderators/admins, I’m not sure yet though.

I know there is at least one thread about a very similar topic(in the ENTJ forums) but I want to create a new one in hopes of getting some insight with my situation.

Here goes, I’m an INFP. I’m 25 years old and I started school this august where I met this ENTJ girl who’s in my class. She’s a bit older than me, 32 to be exact and I was immediately drawn to her. She’s extremely beautiful and I find her personality absurdly fun and interesting. She’s a hard worker with a childish spirit and sometimes says the silliest things. She had a boyfriend(or rather some guy she was meeting as she put it) but that thing kinda drifted away since he had some problems with alcohol and she felt he wasn’t really trying to improve himself. I talked a bit about it with her and over the last couple of months she has said she wants to break up with him, although she constantly said it wasn’t that serious with him.

We have always talked a lot since school started and have gotten along very well. Sometimes even flirting, me kidding about that she’s so cute I can’t stand being away from her and she saying that she would like to have a man like me. All in good fun. She particularly has a soft-spot I’ve found for me telling her how she’s a hard worker, like going to the gym often and trying hard to do well in school(ENTJ thing I guess).

Ten days ago though, the Saturday of November the 5th this other girl from our class had a birthday party downtown and most of my classmates went there(including this girl I like). When we were both quite drunk she started kissing me, then before I knew we were touching a lot(still in the bar with our friends) and then we ended up going to her place.

We fooled around while talking about how stupid it was of us to do this, since we were in school together and the fact that she hadn’t broken up with this other guy. She also mentioned she was really afraid of it getting really awkward in school on Monday.

She started to feel guilty about it and saying that she would feel really bad about it the day after if we would continue(since she hadn’t officially broken up with the other guy). I paused a bit but I felt strong signals that she actually wanted it to happen, she really led the whole thing, so to speak. So we continued and then afterwards we just lay there and talked and that was actually the part I enjoyed the most, just holding her in bed and talking with her and she seemed to enjoy it as well. I said I would call her the next day to make sure she was fine. She seemed to appreciate that. After we had been fooling around for a while, and it was like 5 o’ clock in the morning she said I needed to go since her 5 year old daughter would be coming home from her dad’s place early in the morning. Understandable, I left and called her the next day.

She answered and sounded okay but she said she felt terrible, that she was just overloaded with emotions. On Monday in school she talked about that she still felt terrible. I said she probably just needed some time to recover. On Tuesday or Wednesday she sent me a text message apologizing from behaving like this, saying that we could only be friends and nothing would happen between us in the future. I answered in a typical INFP way, I said it was fine, she didn’t have to apologize and it takes two for these things to happen so she shouldn’t feel guilty, it just happened. I advised her to just sleep and eat well, exercise(which she actually does a lot of) and take it easy.



A few days went on by and I convinced myself that I shouldn’t seek her out as much, so to speak… that I should give her some space and let her get a bit better. It was hard for some reason, really really hard. I thought about her so much last week. Now it’s Tuesday, November the 15th and it’s been ten days. I’m not very experienced in these kind of things since I haven’t been with many girls but I think I’m doing everything kinda right. It’s getting a bit awkward though since it’s actually been more than a week since we talked privately with each other in person. I feel like I should just talk with her and tell her how I feel about the whole thing, which is that I still want to be her friend and I’m open for more but if she doesn’t want it, I guess that’s fine. Maybe I’m scared, maybe I don’t care that nothing happens. I don’t know for sure to be honest. All I seem to care about is if she’s okay, which she probably sees as a weakness.

If you got any insight or can relate to the situation, please share your thoughts. I know she is(or at least was) into me and I could tell from a variety of different signals in different places. Although now she doesn’t act the same way, like she doesn’t want it to happen. She’s also been very awkward lately though and it could be that. I just want to understand since we’ve talked so little lately, I’ll probably confront her soon and just talk with her, it feels right but I’m kinda shying out of it, making the situation more awkward.

I need to stop writing now because this can just get really confusing, please write if you have any thoughts to share ☺

Thanks!

[Dear Sigmund]

When we were both quite drunk .......

Never take anything seriously when you are drunk

We could only be friends and nothing would happen between us in the future.

Leave it at that and let it go.

[MsBossyPants]

On Tuesday or Wednesday she sent me a text message apologizing from behaving like this, saying that we could only be friends and nothing would happen between us in the future.

There you go. There is your answer. Move on.

[lodemia]

A few things.

1. How do you know she's an ENTJ?
2. If she texted you, it's probably because she was conflicted and knew it was easier than a phone call. If you have strong feelings that you want to address, that's the way to do it. Understand that she probably meant **exactly** what she said, and you need to be prepared to write off the relationship if you go out on a limb and there's nobody on the other side.
3. You are the "other guy." Really, do you want to spend much time with a (derogatory term) who is willing to treat her current man like that? I mean, she is just keeping him along for the ride, as well, who is to say she won't do the same thing to you.

My vote would be to pass and laugh about it a year from now. If it's more than that, let her decide. You have far too much F and P to think logically about this situation.

[Steini]

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your responses. I had her take the test at some point cause she was wondering about what she wanted to study later on, she came out ENTJ.

But lodemia I've definitely considered point nr. 3. It's a good point, I'm not even sure I want it that bad. Maybe I didn't that write that clearly enough but I was just seeking to understand her situation, since everything seems so ambiguous about the whole thing.

[TheBoss]

Err....well for one, from several things you said, if she doesn't want you, can I place first dibs? =D

Try to see/go out with her again as 'friend'. If she avoids it more than twice, abort and try to move on. If she doesn't refuse...well, give it a shot.
Yes, she cheated but from what you said, her relationship is drifting a long time now. Sometimes we stick to someone, out of persistence to make a relationship succeed at all costs.
I will assume here, that she is not that certain her bf was faithful. Or that he doesn't really love her. If such the case, she WILL move on sooner or later.

[EyeInTeaPea]

I know two ENTJ women very well so I will give you my opinion.

Everything in your story was looking good until the text messages she sent regarding her feeling guilty and apologizing. I think you were close to snagging her, but no cigar.