[wiarumas]

A couple of my friends describe my dating/relationship style as the "scorched earth method" lol. They say I'm like a stealth bomber, you don't hear or see me coming, but once I'm there devastation ensues. The way I see it, if I see someone I like, I take the shortest path to get her, which in my opinion is being extremely blunt and direct. The ones that can handle it are worth keeping around, the ones that can't, well I'm not a big fan of easily spooked people as a general rule.



From my own perspective, if a woman approaches me the same way, I generally fall madly "in like" almost instantly, after I inspect her credentials and make sure she's not a hooker.

I can relate to this. The woman who approached me in a mirror way that I approach relationships, and then acted like a huge bitch to me in response to my ENTJ like asshole tendencies (stubborn, not emotionally in tune, etc), is now my wife lol. Tread softly.

[esforeverj]

I have casually known an entj male for about 3 years. Over that time he has not asked me out but he does seem to be observing me. Lately, we have talked on the phone and he comments on my attractiveness. I am an esfj and am curiously interested in him but the closest he has come to asking me out is to ask me to meet him for a game at the last minute. I declined as I had other plans. He does seem to be there when I need him. Is he interested in dating me or what? Should I just invite him to do something? Or keep waiting?

[topgun31]

I have casually known an entj male for about 3 years. Over that time he has not asked me out but he does seem to be observing me. Lately, we have talked on the phone and he comments on my attractiveness. I am an esfj and am curiously interested in him but the closest he has come to asking me out is to ask me to meet him for a game at the last minute. I declined as I had other plans. He does seem to be there when I need him. Is he interested in dating me or what? Should I just invite him to do something? Or keep waiting?

If you're interested in him, you should do something. ENTJs are very blunt people, and they also appreciate bluntness (for me, bluntness expressed in a smart way). Often, they don't pick up on subtle cues, or, if they do, they won't do something unless it is made clear. As an ENTJ, i actually appreciate the little games of "push and pull." It makes things interesting, but it has to be done in a way that is obvious. (i.e. you can't be all smiles and wide-eyed, then yell at me the next minute - that's one sure way annoy the hell out of me)

[esforeverj]

Hi Topgun31,
So...what do entj males thinks of esfj females. Actually, I have been blunt, at least for my personality, but maybe thats not enough?

[esforeverj]

Yes, I'd push for a relationship if I were extremely interested. My affectionate side is only for the partner, which is different to my day-to-day behaviour, often to their surprise.


I'm not really into dating. I prefer to do nothing until I bump into someone that works for me.


Fast? Well, after the first speed bump, yes.


At first, I wouldn't really be bothered. If it got to the point where I've started to use "I love yous" for a while, and I'm not getting the same or similar in return, then I'd start feeling a bit rejected.

so what do entj males think of esfj females?

[Vanitas]

so what do entj males think of esfj females?

ENTJ vs. ESFJ <--

[Jazzlee]

So I'm curious... you guys put major emphasis on bluntness, but how do you really talk with the person you're trying to get? Do most of you do outright flirting - like the kind demonstrated in the first post? Or do you talk with them as you do with everybody else, and instead do things for them that you wouldn't normally - like text a lot even if you're not a texting person, stay up late chatting when you're always keen on getting your six hours of sleep, etc?

And also, I've heard that ENTJs don't see the need in keeping in touch, and can go about for days without initiating contact, even if it's somebody they're really interested in. Is that true? Considering how you always talk about being direct/hating to waste time, I'd always imagined you guys would be more keen on that. Or is that all part of taking-your-time-and-getting-to-know-the-other-person progress?

I hope I'm not being off-topic, it's just that I'm trying to figure this ENTJ out. We're sort of "friends but something more than friends", and even though my friends keep insisting he's into me, I don't really feel it. (IMO, it's more like we just click well as friends, and he wants to get to know me better.) Then again, I've a tendency to be terribly unperceptive on other people's feelings towards me, so I'd love to get some feedback.

[topgun31]

So I'm curious... you guys put major emphasis on bluntness, but how do you really talk with the person you're trying to get? Do most of you do outright flirting - like the kind demonstrated in the first post? Or do you talk with them as you do with everybody else, and instead do things for them that you wouldn't normally - like text a lot even if you're not a texting person, stay up late chatting when you're always keen on getting your six hours of sleep, etc?

I do a combination of the subtle flirting and bluntness with a touch of charm and confidence. To be quite honest, i just try to be my confident self (note NOT arrogant).

I definitely won't stay up late chatting on the phone. On the phone, ten minutes tops, and even that's rare. In person (sometimes via skype) I can definitely talk for a while, esp. if I have the time.

And also, I've heard that ENTJs don't see the need in keeping in touch, and can go about for days without initiating contact, even if it's somebody they're really interested in. Is that true? Considering how you always talk about being direct/hating to waste time, I'd always imagined you guys would be more keen on that. Or is that all part of taking-your-time-and-getting-to-know-the-other-person progress?

Lol yea that is VERY true - and that fact prevented many relationships from happening in the past, even if I was interested in the girl. I'm pretty content with seeing my gf only once a week. It's not that I'm not interested, it's just that I have other stuff to do. definitely not clingy. and if she wants to talk, she usually initiates contact. and i do my best to reciprocate. but when we're on dates, my focus is all on her.

I hope I'm not being off-topic, it's just that I'm trying to figure this ENTJ out. We're sort of "friends but something more than friends", and even though my friends keep insisting he's into me, I don't really feel it. (IMO, it's more like we just click well as friends, and he wants to get to know me better.) Then again, I've a tendency to be terribly unperceptive on other people's feelings towards me, so I'd love to get some feedback.

hmm...are u interested in him? If so, try to be a little flirty, and see how he responds.

Hope this helps

[openedskittles]

I'm curious if it is common for ENTJ's to really push for relationships and to let your partner see a different side to you than everyone else?

When I want a relationship with a girl, I usually have decided so before she has and I hate the period of trying to sell her on the idea. I know I push it and I know this is a side of me very few people will ever see. I do this because I absolutely refuse to be a "settler" when it comes to relationships and sometimes I need to push a little to get what I want.

What is the ENTJ male approach to dating?

The hardest part is to find someone good, because I want to be attracted to her, I want to want to be seen with her, I need to respect her intelligence and her personality and I want to enjoy being around her and I don't know many people who fit the bill. After I've made up my mind, I will try very hard to get my first choice. My high school sweetheart didn't want to date me the first time I asked her out and I worked at it for 6 whole months before she came around. It sounds pretty creepy at this point, but when I'm in a relationship I am a very good boyfriend in my opinion. I would definitely do something like send cutesy text messages and buy her something that relates to a small detail she mentioned a month ago. I really pride myself in my gift-giving ability. I always think "Wow, that was the perfect gift, how am I going to live up to this for her birthday/christmas/valentines?" and I somehow manage to outdo myself every time. I put so much effort and energy into a relationship and I really show a soft side to my romantic interests that is far beyond anything I ever show to merely friends or family.

Do you move fast?

I move pretty much as fast as I can without doing anything I don't think she would be happy with. Pretty much, if I think I can hold your hand, kiss you or ask you out, I am going to be extremely nervous about it the first time I take each step with you, but I don't want to put it off for a second longer than the moment I think I can get away with it. When I've made a decision about a girl, she really doesn't have to win me over, just not do anything terrible to me and things will slide into place.

Does it bother you if your partner doesn't reciprocate their 'feeling' side verbally?

Short answer: YES. Part of introverted intuition, our auxiliary function, is that we like to know we are doing the right thing or be appreciated by others. It also means we are constantly thinking about the future, and that means we are constantly advancing our vision of our relationships in the future. As this happens, we grow extremely attached and committed to a partner, which is always extremely risky, so we like reassurance that we aren't making a mistake with you. Besides, this is one of the few emotional exploits that feels truly fulfilling to us. The ENTJ is probably very invested in your relationship, you might as well let him get some emotional satisfaction the only way he knows how by verbalizing some of your feelings for him.

[Jazzlee]

I do a combination of the subtle flirting and bluntness with a touch of charm and confidence. To be quite honest, i just try to be my confident self (note NOT arrogant).

I definitely won't stay up late chatting on the phone. On the phone, ten minutes tops, and even that's rare. In person (sometimes via skype) I can definitely talk for a while, esp. if I have the time.

Hahah, sounds like him in a nutshell. And it wasn't really chatting on the phone, more like chatting via text on Skype :P But he's very talkative irl, that's true.

Lol yea that is VERY true - and that fact prevented many relationships from happening in the past, even if I was interested in the girl. I'm pretty content with seeing my gf only once a week. It's not that I'm not interested, it's just that I have other stuff to do. definitely not clingy. and if she wants to talk, she usually initiates contact. and i do my best to reciprocate. but when we're on dates, my focus is all on her.

Okay, that explains a lot... but say if the girl was online on Skype/other instant messaging place and so were you, would you not write to her, even if you were interested? It strikes me as rather... odd. I mean, texting, calling or meeting someone -- it's all something you have to set aside time for, but if you're already online on an instant messaging place, what's the point in not writing? I usually use that as an argument whenever my friends say that he seems interested in me. So far, they've yet to come up with a proper response :P

hmm...are u interested in him? If so, try to be a little flirty, and see how he responds.

Hope this helps

LOL -- me and subtle flirting doesn't work all that well; a little bit too blunt for that. I might've done some subconscious flirting with him, though, now that I think about it... xD
I am attracted to him (which I'm pretty sure he has noticed), but I'm not really looking for a relationship right now, unless I consider the guy good (and patient) enough to fit into my busy schedule. If it's him, I might consider it... but unless he initiates something, I'm not up to it =P

But thanks a lot, your explanation really helped :)