[WitteVrouw]

My mother is one of my greatest companions; she is warm, giving, kind--everything an ideal ENFJ strives to be. However, the majority of the time she makes her decisions based upon her flighty, ever-changing feelings. This is not to say that she is scatterbrained or irrational, it simply means that she rarely (if ever) makes her decisions based upon rational analysis. This difference between the two of us (for I, as an ENTJ, tend to make the strong majority of my choices based upon rational analysis) has become a problem as of late (perhaps due to high-stress careers and home environments); I often find myself in the middle of an unecessary, completely irrational fight because I have offended her when I became critical of her decision-making process. I will point out logical fallacies (most often her Appeal to Pity, Appeal to Spite and Two Wrongs Make A Right principles of debate) in both her decision-making and parenting styles, hoping that she will use this information to better herself, but instead she becomes very hostile and argumentative. It is impossible to solve a dispute with my mother using any other tactic then simply sitting quiet while she blows off her emotional steam, and so, in turn, I become frustrated with the lack of development and resolution within our relationship.

Any advice on the matter? Also, I'm curious about ENTJ's who have feeling-dominated parents; did you have trouble being parented or resolving conflicts within the relationships with your parents? How have you been able to work through these conflicts?



Thank you!

[Neutron]

I'm curious about ENTJ's who have feeling-dominated parents; did you have trouble being parented or resolving conflicts within the relationships with your parents? How have you been able to work through these conflicts?

My parents and I went our separate ways 11 years ago when I was 15. I had the same issue(s) you're having (plus a few more). It wasn't worth the aggravation back then, and over time we've come to a common ground when we talk to stick to things we know we won't argue about. The difference might be that I realized my independence at a very young age and as a result grew out of the need for traditional parenting at around 14 years old.

My advice to you (especially regarding parents) is to let it be. Say what you have to say, then let it go. Its up to the parent to decide what to do with the information presented. If the result isn't what you wanted, well its the parent's life, let the parent live.