[wiarumas]

BF looked at me crying, and said "It's not a big deal!"

I lost it, got really upset and yelled "Fine, then let's fucking leave!"

In retrospect, we both found out that when he said "It's not a big deal", he was logically stating that I was only losing material possessions, and that I, personally, was unharmed. It was his way of being optimistic. However, I heard his words as a response to me crying and the judgment of "Why the hell are you crying? You're making such a big deal out of nothing!" And of course my feelings were hurt and I felt like he didn't care how I felt, and that he thought I was being ridiculous.

This summarizes pretty much every relationship I've ever been in. By the way (I guess I can say this because he is an ex), there is a possibility that the whole "only losing material possessions and that you were unharmed" is BS and he just thought you were being ridiculous. In reality, he was probably thinking that crying about it does nothing, therefore you shouldn't cry about it. You should be thinking of a way to find out who did it, report it to the authorities, catch him, fix the situation, etc. Don't worry, he probably legitimately cared - but ENTJs are people of action, not emotional reflection. So our coping would be anger and motivation to catch the guy.

Its hard for us to understand that some people need to be upset and vent and whatnot. I feel compelled to say something helpful... to come up with solutions. Its bizarre to us that talking about something for the sake of talking about something does something. Me and my wife talked about it before - my response "Why even talk about it? Isn't that just like talking to a wall?"

Some examples:

The cat had a dirty litter box and peed on a box of my wife's books. My response: Which ones were useful? Give me a list and I'll re-buy them for you.



My wife lost her job: Its not a big deal - that employer sucked anyways. Lets work on your resume and start applying to new places.

In every case, I have good intentions but fail to meet the F on an emotional level. Its something to work on, but its easy to forget since its not our instinctual response.

[FiNe SiTe]

Sounds more like an ESTJ thing. I get along pretty well with the only INFP I've ever met (good/relaxed conversations etc). However, When we first met I made a joke at her expense (just the usual ENTJ Wit, not intended to be taken seriously) and got the impression I had offended her. I'm not really sure about other ENTJ's but I really hate hurting the feelings of people I see as vulnerable and undeserving so I asked her if she was offended (she said yes) and I told her that if I say anything like that in the future she can/should call me out on the spot without worrying about hurting my feelings and I would apologize/make a better effort to avoid another situation. Since then I've gotten a better idea of how to maintain good friendships with INFx types so there really havn't been any further issues.

Apologize's in advance for derailing your thread Yeomen.

But If I ever met someone like this, I think we would get on great together!
I didn't realize ENTJs could be like this. Now that I think about, I don't know anything about ENTJs.

[KaylRyck]

For your reference, FiNe SiTe:

The ENTj is, deep inside, a romantic (although he will forcefully deny this). He believes in love in a nearly childish way: pure and idealistic. He rarely lets people know about it, but he is rather a sensitive person inside. When he falls in love with someone it can take incredible proportions. He can idealize the other person and put them on a pedestal. The ENTj hides this softness behind a big psychological fortress that makes him look tougher than he really is. Take the time to get to know an ENTj. Once you're in his close circle, you're in for life.

[vagus]

Once you're in his close circle, you're in for life.

Yeah, but chances of getting in my close circle is very small.

[ReuBurn]

This summarizes pretty much every relationship I've ever been in. By the way (I guess I can say this because he is an ex), there is a possibility that the whole "only losing material possessions and that you were unharmed" is BS and he just thought you were being ridiculous. In reality, he was probably thinking that crying about it does nothing, therefore you shouldn't cry about it. You should be thinking of a way to find out who did it, report it to the authorities, catch him, fix the situation, etc. Don't worry, he probably legitimately cared - but ENTJs are people of action, not emotional reflection. So our coping would be anger and motivation to catch the guy.

Its hard for us to understand that some people need to be upset and vent and whatnot. I feel compelled to say something helpful... to come up with solutions. Its bizarre to us that talking about something for the sake of talking about something does something. Me and my wife talked about it before - my response "Why even talk about it? Isn't that just like talking to a wall?"

Some examples:

The cat had a dirty litter box and peed on a box of my wife's books. My response: Which ones were useful? Give me a list and I'll re-buy them for you.

My wife lost her job: Its not a big deal - that employer sucked anyways. Lets work on your resume and start applying to new places.

In every case, I have good intentions but fail to meet the F on an emotional level. Its something to work on, but its easy to forget since its not our instinctual response.

Strangely I feel the same way. What's done is done there's no need to cry for spilt milk. Is that weird for a feeler? oO As long as it doesn't hurt a person and it's just material possesions.

[Whisperella]

Ha, I enjoy this thread…..a common theme in ENTJ/INFP relationships? Yeah, it always seems like a push/pull, love/hate, dynamic to me….from the crests to the troughs of a wave in a very choppy sea…but it always seems to work (or at least in most cases) in the end.
I’m in a relationship with an ENTJ (although he’s almost an F) and its is wonderfully crazy (emotionally, lots of ups and downs) and intellectually it is very stimulating. We can talk for hours and it doesn’t matter whether we are casually discussing philosophical ideas/ things we learned or having a round-about argument about our differences, because I always leave the conversation feeling like we worked though something …..or are on our way to resolving an issue (or at the very least venting our frustrations!). He is always respectful to me and that is probably one of the biggest factors that keeps me glued to him even after we have had a disagreement. I think someone mentioned here that infps and entjs may seem like are continually being dramatic and arguing over the littlest things but we are really just continually working things out. Relationships (no matter platonic or romantic) always take a lot of freaking work but often it’s the hard times that bring people together. Anyway, I’m not sure there is anything you can do to help; just let them duke it out and hopefully, they will continue to come to some sort of happy agreement at the end. =)

[frogman]

Fucking women :P

Maybe that would calm them down....

[Knives]

Yeah, but chances of getting in my close circle is very small.

You hit the nail on the head again.

Chances are, you won't get into my inner circle. But if you do, you will find a near limitless pool of patience, forgiveness, and understanding.

That understanding includes a special brand of patience. Something special I only reserve for people I rank high on my list. I can forgive an amazing level of irrationality. Usually, I am loath to accept, forgive and especially assuage bouts of this. However, for those select few, I find a way.

I consider this a subset of the definition of "romantic".