[DayLightSun]

I understand we do have heavy guarded walls to us.
But there is a side to me that becomes very cold hearted when pissed off.
I really try to keep this side to me under wraps.
Sometimes I am pushed over the edge and I tell it like it is and I hurt feelings.
When I am in a angered state feelings really become very insignificant and I really don't give a shit.
How do other NT's deal with this?
I've gotten in trouble at work for not choosing the right words.
I really get into trouble some times because my Extroverted self gets the best of me.

[ClubbedWithSpades]

Just don't do it. Srsly. It's all you can do. Don't say it, and if you have to say it, say it calmly and constructively.

I'm not one to lose a sense of control over things. When I feel like I won't be able to hold my tongue, I just feel all the more compelled to hold and hold back.

On the rare occasion that my tongue slips, I just try to remove myself from the presence of people whom I may in the future regret having told off.

[Dear Sigmund]

I try to keep a running tab of my emotions, and being aware of my own triggers, . If I have a slip its usually because I've let it , meaning the anger or frustration build up.

Regarding choosing the right words. It may take some rehearsal, practicing diplomatic responses to people. Also it may not be entirely you. There are some who will be hurt know matter how you say things; with that you cant be responsible for other peoples feelings.

[DayLightSun]

I understand where both of you are coming from.
I do tend to keep my emotions on check 99.9% of the time, but what if it's some one your fed up with like your mom that happens to be a ENFJ.
I rarely get in a fight with her but when we do it gets real ugly.
It's mostly her trying to make me feel guilty, and using her emotions to make me feel uncomfortable.
I call her out on it and she explodes and says I can never win with you!
It's funny.
Sorry.
Just saying there are times when one gets tired and needs to let things surface and resolve.
I don't think having emotional out bursts is the way, but in reality it happens.
Honestly the way I deal with it is just being in a mental state of feeling above the problem.
In reality I am not since I am involved. Geez I think this is getting more complicated then I thought because I'm starting to think how individuals deal with problems as in avoider, compromiser, ect.

[ClubbedWithSpades]

I understand where both of you are coming from.
I do tend to keep my emotions on check 99.9% of the time, but what if it's some one your fed up with like your mom that happens to be a ENFJ.
I rarely get in a fight with her but when we do it gets real ugly.
It's mostly her trying to make me feel guilty, and using her emotions to make me feel uncomfortable.
I call her out on it and she explodes and says I can never win with you!
It's funny.
Sorry.
Just saying there are times when one gets tired and needs to let things surface and resolve.
I don't think having emotional out bursts is the way, but in reality it happens.
Honestly the way I deal with it is just being in a mental state of feeling above the problem.
In reality I am not since I am involved. Geez I think this is getting more complicated then I thought because I'm starting to think how individuals deal with problems as in avoider, compromiser, ect.

This happens with my mum [ENFP... almost J].

She's all like "You'll do this if you value my feelings" and I'm all like "I'll do it if I feel like it, stfu."

Attempting to play on my feelings/loyalties is not the way to go.



You mentioned the various ways in which people deal with issues. My personal problem resolution sequence is as follows:

• Avoid the problem altogether. Use foresight. Failing this,
• Compromise. Give what you can bear to give and the problem vanishes. Or, if it doesn't,
• Slaughter.

[DayLightSun]

This happens with my mum [ENFP... almost J].

She's all like "You'll do this if you value my feelings" and I'm all like "I'll do it if I feel like it, stfu."

Attempting to play on my feelings/loyalties is not the way to go.



You mentioned the various ways in which people deal with issues. My personal problem resolution sequence is as follows:

• Avoid the problem altogether. Use foresight. Failing this,
• Compromise. Give what you can bear to give and the problem vanishes. Or, if it doesn't,
• Slaughter.

U and I have the exact same system.
hahaha awesome.
and you thought we weren't alike at all
you should see me on the phone negotiating.

[AgentGeorge]

I sometimes get real angry, but I have learned to make use my anger against the other person (no I am not a violent person either), an example: the one time I had a contract with an agent, he refused to honor the contract, it made me very angry, so I attacked his character, he challenged me to contact his associations, and even the Dept of Insurance, he was laughing at me, by the end of the day, he was not laughing, also he didn't want to deal with me anymore via email or phone, he wanted to deal with my operations manager. I contacted every association he was associated with, the end result was-he changed his mind and decided to honor the contract. So you can use your anger in a positive way.

[DayLightSun]

I sometimes get real angry, but I have learned to make use my anger against the other person (no I am not a violent person either), an example: the one time I had a contract with an agent, he refused to honor the contract, it made me very angry, so I attacked his character, he challenged me to contact his associations, and even the Dept of Insurance, he was laughing at me, by the end of the day, he was not laughing, also he didn't want to deal with me anymore via email or phone, he wanted to deal with my operations manager. I contacted every association he was associated with, the end result was-he changed his mind and decided to honor the contract. So you can use your anger in a positive way.

I agree with you when I get angry I do get very vocal.
Something similar happened to me and I did deal with it very similarly.
The only thing is that since I knew no one else would deal with it I made sure everyone knew we kept our standards where they belonged.
I spoke with the supervisor and let her know that her employees didn't follow protocol and endangered some ones life.
So I spoke to her and then also told my supervisor to let him know too.
It hasn't happened again.

[Flip5]

Here is an example of one way I've handled it, Funny Side of An ENTJ .

Be goal oriented, it allows you to change your modus operandi from purely logical ideals to practical logical thought. So make your goal to be successful at your ultimate goal in that specific situation it will allow you to let go of your standard correctness, but also bare in mind that your ideal is still correct just not in this situation. When you accomplish this goal you've set you will feel you acted logically since you attained your primary goal and you'll feel good inside and won't feel obligated to prove that ideal you wanted to. Also bare in mind that some situations are just doomed to fail and although they should be able to be salvaged if only people or other things changed they simply won't, RUN don't walk from these situations, RUN FAST!



P.S. The Myers-Briggs shadow form is actually this,

Under extreme stress, fatigue or illness, the ENTJ's shadow may appear - a negative form of ISFP. Example characteristics are:

• withdrawing and wanting to be alone
• having intense emotions, that may or may not be expressed
• being very sensitive to criticism
• acting very impulsively, doing things to excess

The shadow is part of the unconscious that is often visible to others, onto whom the shadow is projected. The ENTJ may therefore readily see these faults in others without recognizing it in him/her self.


http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/myers-briggs/entj.htm

[Beth]

This happens with my mum [ENFP... almost J].

She's all like "You'll do this if you value my feelings" and I'm all like "I'll do it if I feel like it, stfu."

Attempting to play on my feelings/loyalties is not the way to go.



You mentioned the various ways in which people deal with issues. My personal problem resolution sequence is as follows:

• Avoid the problem altogether. Use foresight. Failing this,
• Compromise. Give what you can bear to give and the problem vanishes. Or, if it doesn't,
• Slaughter.

I'm an INTP but I understand completely. My mom is an ESFJ so things get very, very interesting.