do you have to be so forceful and demanding?!

**Kalifornia310** · 06-23-2010 01:33 PM

i have 3 ENTJ friends. and im dating an ENTJ.. but not really dating.. more like doing...

but anyways! whats up with the anger and control?! why must you always feel the need to be first/ahead/in control/assertive/emotionless

i love all my ENTJs and actually enjoy the debative nature. gives me a challenge cuz, you know its not fun always being right all the time :P (<-joking)

how do i negate an ENTJ from being forceful and assertive.. is there some form of phrase, or method of defeat i should look into.

for now my method of ending an argument is to agree.. but then I strongly dislike losing to an ENTJ nonetheless.. so i need guidence!!!

:)

**Dear Sigmund** · 06-23-2010 02:10 PM

Can you give some examples?

**Kalifornia310** · 06-23-2010 02:19 PM

for example,

my significant other keeps telling me to keep my job. the reason i dont wana stay, is because i am miserable. i put alot of my emotion into the job, and become affected by it, thee ENTJ wants me to keep the job, because it pays really well for someone my age. and he thinks its illogical that i would quit the job even though im not happy. his simple solution, dont get emotionally attached at work, my answer is 'its not that easy'

or, when im dealing with a friends problem, the ENTJ would chime in with just tell the person how you feel. and what you want. dont beat around the bush, but for me, im not all about hurting peoples feelings regardless if it was deserved or not. so i take the none confrontational approach, while the ENTJ who wants to get invovled in my life is telling me to be more assertive. and doesnt see the logic in my methods.

and another thing that bugs me, is the bellittleing of my authority in the work place. im manage an office, and one of the employees is an ENTJ, dont get me wrong shes 10 years older then me, and i do act adorable and sweet, that doesnt mean you can be demanding, with a lack of saying please and thank you. also calling me sweetie and honey.

**Dear Sigmund** · 06-23-2010 02:45 PM

Thanks, the examples help

For number #1 a very stubborn person indeed. Tell the person that its illogical to him, not to you, and that you want to be happy. Also tell him that this is your descision and to please let let it go, period.ENTJ's will back down but you have to stand up to us and lay down the law. Obviously you would do this in your own style without hurting his feelings.

#2 Its a great time to explain the logic of your methods. and you may want to tell them, again in your own way to stop judging you.

#3 Tell that individual that calling you sweetie and honey makes you feel unconfortable, and that to stop.

Kalifornia310 we can be very blunt and obnoxious, but again we need to be called on it. You may want to practice ahead of time what you are going to say. We appreciate people standing up to us, it proves to us that others have a backbone. Try to make your arguments in a logical manner. This may be going against your grain, thats where the practice comes in.

Good luck and best to you

**NiDBiLD** · 06-23-2010 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kalifornia310

for example,

my significant other keeps telling me to keep my job. the reason i dont wana stay, is because i am miserable. i put alot of my emotion into the job, and become affected by it, thee ENTJ wants me to keep the job, because it pays really well for someone my age. and he thinks its illogical that i would quit the job even though im not happy. his simple solution, dont get emotionally attached at work, my answer is 'its not that easy'

or, when im dealing with a friends problem, the ENTJ would chime in with just tell the person how you feel. and what you want. dont beat around the bush, but for me, im not all about hurting peoples feelings regardless if it was deserved or not. so i take the none confrontational approach, while the ENTJ who wants to get invovled in my life is telling me to be more assertive. and doesnt see the logic in my methods.

and another thing that bugs me, is the bellittleing of my authority in the work place. im manage an office, and one of the employees is an ENTJ, dont get me wrong shes 10 years older then me, and i do act adorable and sweet, that doesnt mean you can be demanding, with a lack of saying please and thank you. also calling me sweetie and honey.

Why do you ask people for advice if you don't take it? You asked people how to handle your job, and then you don't take their advice even though you get the same opinion from several people, and the advice seems like it makes sense. You seem to have already decided to quit the job, and you want other people to agree with your decision to quit because of your inability to control your emotions. Why?

My advice would be to keep the job while actively searching for something better. The misery is not permanent, and eventually you will get out of there.

When it comes to the friends problem, seriously, grow a spine. It's not very hard to just tell people exactly what you think about them. The air is usually easier to breathe afterwards.

And at work, authority is given, not taken. That's how it works. If your coworker won't show you respect, this is because you do not behave in a way that she respects. Any offensive action against the disrespecting person in this case would probably just lower your status in the eyes of the other employees since the lack of respect for you will not be as obvious, and the confrontation would in their eyes seem out of the blue and unjustified. The best solution would be to analyze your own behaviour and see what can be modified to make a more respectable impression.

Also, chances are that this supposed ENTJ does not find this lack of "thank you" and "please" as catastrophic as you do, and it's not a matter of lack of respect at all. This is also possible.

By the way, how do you know these people are ENTJ?

**Jinxies** · 06-24-2010 04:04 AM

Originally Posted by Kalifornia310

for example,

my significant other keeps telling me to keep my job. the reason i dont wana stay, is because i am miserable. i put alot of my emotion into the job, and become affected by it, thee ENTJ wants me to keep the job, because it pays really well for someone my age. and he thinks its illogical that i would quit the job even though im not happy. his simple solution, dont get emotionally attached at work, my answer is 'its not that easy'

or, when im dealing with a friends problem, the ENTJ would chime in with just tell the person how you feel. and what you want. dont beat around the bush, but for me, im not all about hurting peoples feelings regardless if it was deserved or not. so i take the none confrontational approach, while the ENTJ who wants to get invovled in my life is telling me to be more assertive. and doesnt see the logic in my methods.

and another thing that bugs me, is the bellittleing of my authority in the work place. im manage an office, and one of the employees is an ENTJ, dont get me wrong shes 10 years older then me, and i do act adorable and sweet, that doesnt mean you can be demanding, with a lack of saying please and thank you. also calling me sweetie and honey.

The simplest answer to your original question: Yes. We do. That's how we get stuff accomplished.

I am a forceful and assertive ENTJ female and I'm told on a regular basis at work that I need to be more "sensitive"... whatever, most the people I work with want hand-holding and coddling and Homie don't play that game.

#1 - Do you have a plan in place or are you just complaining all the time about your job? Personally, the state of the economy right now is pretty bad. Unemployment in my area is still high and many people can't find jobs. I was reading yesterday that 600 people a week run out of unemployment benefits... that 600 people every week. These people have been unemployed for what, something like 15 months when all is said and done... If you have a plan in place and you are actively looking for a job and intend to get a job offer before you leave, then I would fully support you finding something new that will make you happy. If you just want to walk in and quit because you don't like what you do, then I'd consider you a fool... nothing personal, that's just how my perception of you would develop. No one is ever happy all the time at a job. I move jobs often, so I know what it's like to get out of a situation you are unhappy with, but I have a plan in place so that the transition is smooth and I'm not screwed. My philosophy in business is... it's professional, not personal. For ENTJs, or at least myself, I keep my emotions out of my job as much as possible. It's easy for me, so it's easy for me to tell other people, just don't get worked up over it. I know some of them can't help it though... especially some of the soft and smooshie feelers out there that take just about everything personally.

#2 - The truth can hurt. I don't want to intentionally hurt someone's feelings, but I'm also realistic enough to know that the people around me aren't psychic and nor am I psychic. In my opinion, it's a disservice to feel one thing and say or do another. If someone asks me, "Do you like this dress on me?" and I don't like it, then I tell them that. But I do have tact and diplomacy, so I'll try to soften the blow for the people I care about. I tell everyone exactly what I'm thinking or feeling if I care enough about them that I think they should know. If I don't care about the person, then I just tend to ignore them. I never beat around the bush and honestly, I have less respect for those people that pu***-foot around. I consider it playing mind games when they should just be up front and direct and honest. Then you know where you stand.

#3 - It is all about the respect. If I don't respect someone, well, sometimes I can sound patronizing or condescending... especially if I think they are an idiot or that they can't handle the responsibilities they have or if they have made mistakes and haven't learned from them. I never call people by endearments, but if I did and they didn't like it, I'd expect them to say so, if they remain quiet, then I assume they are comfortable with it... see #2. ENTJs in business can be very demanding, especially if we are working toward a goal, we expect our teammates to get on board or get out of the way. We can often see the goal or solution and know at least one or two or three paths that will get us there. We don't like people slowing us down without good reason. You describe yourself as sweet and adorable... right there that would get my "get on with it" mode. It's business... not a school where we are forming cliches and needing to be all friendly and warm... it's a job. It's a career. No one is sweet and adorable in a job or career. Also, you've said you are miserable and hate your job. WHen I work with someone that hates what they do, it's usually easy to see it... they are usually the least efficient and productive one on the team. And that ticks me off. If you don't like it, then get out of my way because you are only slowing me down.

So she probably senses that you don't like what you do and she's not very impressed. The second I lose respect for a coworker... that's when my "sensitive" side goes right out the window, because I no longer care.

I wish you the best of luck.