[MissFixit]

I've been dating this man for a while now and he is having issues with my "fickleness", as he likes to call it. So we had this conversation this weekend....



Me: "Don't you ever just wish you could be a seed in the wind?"
Him: "NO. I want to be a brick in the pavement."

---

Me: "I love you."
Him: "You're fickle."

---

Him: "You can't make a commitment and still keep your options open."
Me: "Of course I can! There's nothing wrong with waiting to see what happens! You don't know the future! I could get hit by a bus tomorrow!"
Him: "Oh so that's how it goes? I can't make a commitment because that guy walking out of KFC over there might shoot me in the head?!"
Me: "That's not what i mean at all."
Him: "MMM kay."

----


And yet he's still with me, so I'm not sure what that means. ? I love him so much.

(edited to add ** this conversation is not about a commitment like marriage...I'm sort of lost as to what sort of commitment he's looking for, which is the problem. Is it faithfulness? No problem. But it seems to be more than that...)

[fn0rd]

You're fickle.

[Vanitas]

I'm sort of lost as to what sort of commitment he's looking for, which is the problem. Is it faithfulness? No problem. But it seems to be more than that...

On top of my head, there's the word 'trust' but I can't verify that, it could be something else entirely that disguises itself as trust*. Probably he doesn't know either.

*) My Ni operates in strictly need to know basis.

[MissFixit]

so even if I'm faithful I'm not inspiring trust..maybe?

Or it's that he wants me to commit to being "on the road" to marriage. Kinda like the 2-year or 5-year plan? Not sure.

He's so fun. :) I like talking to him but I'm sure he feels like he's wasting his time. I just laughed out loud when he said he wanted to be a brick in the pavement. And then I felt so terrible, like I was causing him all kinds of grief because I'm fickle, and he doesn't deserve that.

[Grim]

If the conversation isn't about marriage, or faithfulness... what options are you thinking you can keep open, but he's saying you can't?

[Promethea]

so even if I'm faithful I'm not inspiring trust..maybe?

Or it's that he wants me to commit to being "on the road" to marriage. Kinda like the 2-year or 5-year plan? Not sure.

He's so fun. :) I like talking to him but I'm sure he feels like he's wasting his time. I just laughed out loud when he said he wanted to be a brick in the pavement. And then I felt so terrible, like I was causing him all kinds of grief because I'm fickle, and he doesn't deserve that.

You sound pretty amused by the grief that you are causing him actually.

If he is in a relationship with you, then he has put you in a position where your actions can have a great impact on him. Don't assume that because he is an entj, that he doesn't have feelings, and that they can't be hurt. My impression is that this goes beyond fickleness, and could be recklessness.. with his emotions.

[MissFixit]

okay, that is the problem. I have no idea what kind of commitment he's talking about, unless it's marriage. I don't understand. What is between "I'm dating you exclusively" and "I want to marry you" ? Is there some gray area I am not aware of??

I am dating him exclusively and I'm faithful, and yet I see some big roadblocks to us getting married. They are pretty big ones. So I say "Well I have to just take this one day at a time and see what happens"

What else can I do??? It's driving me bonkers. I won't intentionally hurt him.

[fn0rd]

Don't assume that because he is an entj, that he doesn't have feelings, and that they can't be hurt.

You take that back!

Everyone knows that xNTJs don't have feelings. :roll:

[Promethea]

You take that back!

Everyone knows that xNTJs don't have feelings. :roll:

Now the entjs are going to kill me because its my fault that the secret is out.

[fn0rd]

Now the entjs are going to kill me because its my fault that the secret is out.

Luckily, I know where you live.