[A Better Tomorrow]

So, I never really realized I envy until recently, and I have a hard time overcoming it. An example: last night I went to my fav. hangout with some friends and my good friend told me that he got our other friend a full-time job as a graphic designer at his work...this friend has no degree and no real job experience, and he is 25. Here's how I go through it in my head..."What the fuck?! I am 26, with a degree minoring in advertising/graphic design and I am working at a shit restaurant job and he gets this job?!" Granted this friend does know photoshop, as do i, and is a good photographer, but still...needless to say, my envy went off the charts. The place they will be working is just a small marketing firm which I probably wouldn't enjoy anyways, but wow, this envy is strong. How do you guys overcome it?

[MissyMaroon]

This doesn't sound exclusive to 4s. Anyways, how to overcome it, I don't really know. Shrug it off, it's a part of life. Sometimes people have good luck, have connections, whatever have you. I imagine 4ish envy is more particular to uniqueness, certainty in individual identity, etc. This is just human nature.

[Lunar]

I agree with @MissyMaroon


I believe I'm a 4 and I don't usually feel envy over other people's achievements more than the regular not-4 person, but when I think someone may be more interesting than me or have a quality that I'd like to have. When I meet someone like this I can become pretty obsessive with the person in a mix between admiration and dislike. I actually have trouble making friends with people who stand out more than me in some aspects like beauty, uniqueness, style... and yet I can't help but being atracted to them. I feel like I'm dealing with "competition".

[emerald sea]

i know exactly how this feels since i've struggled with this many times in my life. i'm sorry you are facing that too :(. how do i find my way out of the prison of envy? empathy and gratitude - both of which are responses to the reality of the situation.

empathy ~

you have to stop idealizing the circumstances of other people...it is never as good as it looks. no one's existence is as charmed as it seems to be, on the surface.

everyone - including the people you envy - has difficulties and struggles, probably as many as you do, maybe even the same ones you do (even though it may seem like they wouldn't, since they have what you want). a lot of people keep those hidden. envy wears rose-colored glasses when it imagines itself in their shoes...it's better to wear clear glasses and focus on the bleak landscape that faces them (the same internal landscape you face as well)...and allow sympathy to awake in your heart for them. choose to focus on their struggles rather than on their advantages.

most advantages are also curses, when you lift the curtain off of them, to see what is really there. you have eyes of depth - you naturally see what is under that curtain - your perceptive eyes will show you everything you need to know. :) consider it until you become convinced that your life would be just as difficult (in different ways) if you did have what you wish you had...then write down your thoughts and refer back to that whenever you struggle with envy again.

envy is not only a state of filtering out the negative from the envied individual's reality; it is also a state of filtering out the positive from your reality...neither of these are honest, complete portrayals of reality. it is only by reminding yourself of the elements of reality that are being filtered out, that your envy will start to dissipate.

gratitude ~

envy deprives you of memory of the positive elements of your reality, such that you can only see what you don't have, and not what you do have. the opposite of envy is realizing that there are people in the world who would envy you, whether they are in this country or in other countries...and focusing on what you do have. imagine yourself without the things that you currently have, and then be thankful for what you have. keep your focus on all the things you do have...even if it takes writing a list of those things and going back to it whenever your focus goes back onto what you don't have.

---

overcoming envy is a matter of perspective. you can choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, and how your situation is better than envy wants you to believe that it is, and how your life wouldn't really be charmed and perfect if you had what you wish you had. or you can choose to focus on the negative aspects, how your situation involves many problems and difficulties, and how charmed and perfect other people's lives seem.

i haven't lived a charmed life and i've had many difficulties, so i hope none of this seems harsh, because i really know how hard it is, and i know it's not easy to force your mind along these tracks of thought either. what i wrote are the things i have to keep reminding myself when envy fills my mind.