1. Challenge notions of perfection. (Does it include forgiveness?)
2. Find out why it is so important that others follow all the rules.
3. Bodywork is unusually helpful.
4. Poetry and art should be included in their prayer-forms.
5. Help them integrate pleasure into their lives.
6. Help them criticize their habit of criticism.
7. Help them relativize their important norms/rules/obligations.
1. Encourage solitude. It relives the pressure to affiliate.
2. Among all the activities, help them find the "constant self."
3. Remember, "What you don't get up front, you get out back."
4. Have them answer, "How do you take control?"
5. Help them identify their negative feelings.
6. Help them face and work through the anger at not being appreciated, not getting approval, not receiving strong enough emotional response and more subtly, not being free. Their anger will show up when they realize they are angry at having given themselves away. Sex will often show up here.
7. Help them face their fatigue at conforming to others' needs, whims, and expectations.
8. Help them face their dependence. Contrast it with freedom.
9. Ask who owns their friends' feelings.
10. Watch out. They may do whatever will get your approval.
1. Invite them to move back into feelings when they talk about their work.
2. Recommend bodywork in which there are no markers of success.
3. Help them pay attention to their body. Feelings are linked to body states.
4. Help them articulate feelings, especially of sexuality and anger.
5. Help them acknowledge vulnerability.
6. Help them notice their conflict between intimacy and achievement.
7. Direct some of their energy toward social reform.
8. Help them reframe their image of God or attitude toward authority.
9. Find a group in which they must remain anonymous (like choir).
10. Help them do things counter to image.
1. Identify some areas of satisfaction.
2. Recommend a study of some lamentation psalms. Note the dynamic.
3. Point out the preoccupation with what is absent and unavailable. This rationality is a good balance for the dramatic unreal emotions they may present.
4. Allow them to ventilate their feelings.
5. Probe for which feelings are real. Where are they in their body?
6. Have them read books by other Fours (Merton, Therese of Lisieux, John).
7. Reframe their longing as a longing for God.
8. Get in touch with their emotional center. Centering prayer is good.
9. Explore feelings of shame. Note the flip side of arrogance.
10. Their melancholy has a sweetness about it, linking them to past or future
1. Help them enlarge their range of emotions, activities, and interests.
2. Help them articulate their inner world.
3. Help them put words on experiences. (They're more real after being talked through).
4. Remind them: involvement in activity isn't the same as involvement with people who are participating in the lactivity.
5. Help them see that beneath the desire to know is the desire for love.
6. Maturity is found in developing relationships with the external world.
7. Reframe commitment as a gain instead of a loss.
8. Castle/home/prison can become interchangeable. Untangle the different feelings.
9. Bodywork is often quite helpful.
10. Sex can be a means to reach out to the external world. It is non-verbal.
1. Create an atmosphere of trust. Nothing happens until that does.
2. Physical relaxation helps take the focus off obsessive thinking.
3. Teach them to doubt their doubting process. "What if you're wrong?"
4. Exaggerate to the absurd. "And if we're lucky, we'll die first."
5. Call them on their habit of projection.
6. Bring fears into reality. They fear most what is in their imagination.
7. Help them choose a larger role in the community.
8. Guided imagery is excellent prayer for them.
9. Massage and all bodywork are helpful.
10. For Christians, angels are helpful. (Consistent message: "fear not.")
1. Keep calling the Seven to the present time and place.
2. Point out avoidance patterns.
3. Remind them of their inner life. Sevens can be centrifugal.
4. Decide on a form of prayer or meditation and stick to it.
5. Keep spiritual exercises simple.
6. Distinguish between inner authority and a faked superiority.
7. Where is the order in their life? Symbolic order helps at times.
8. Bodywork is helpful. Make sure they sustain it.
9. Search for real feelings, don't buy quick thoughts.
10. Direct them to social involvement. No glamour.
1. Encourage symbolic bodywork.
2. Determine "whose" justice they are pursuing.
3. Introduce complexity and nuance.
4. Point out their tightly focused attention.
5. Distinguish between authority and control.
6. Try to broaden the discussion/focus.
7. Direct their anger at legitimate targets:
8. Help them admit their needs.
9. Help them claim inner values.
10. Have them argue the opposing position to break focus.
1. Ask for priorities.
2. Point out their wandering attention.
3. Keep asking, "Why are you doing this?"
4. Keep equality clear.
5. Note black/white judgments. They are made mindlessly.
6. Help them distinguish thoughts from feelings.
7. You may at times have to make them uncomfortable.
8. Notice when high energy is a way of staying asleep. It's a diversion.
9. Support them when they discover they don't know what they want.
10. Give them structure for prayer and reflection.
SOURCE: Enneagram Central