[starri]

Type One



1. Challenge notions of perfection. (Does it include forgiveness?)
2. Find out why it is so important that others follow all the rules.
3. Bodywork is unusually helpful.
4. Poetry and art should be included in their prayer-forms.
5. Help them integrate pleasure into their lives.
6. Help them criticize their habit of criticism.
7. Help them relativize their important norms/rules/obligations.

Type Two

1. Encourage solitude. It relives the pressure to affiliate.
2. Among all the activities, help them find the "constant self."
3. Remember, "What you don't get up front, you get out back."
4. Have them answer, "How do you take control?"
5. Help them identify their negative feelings.
6. Help them face and work through the anger at not being appreciated, not getting approval, not receiving strong enough emotional response and more subtly, not being free. Their anger will show up when they realize they are angry at having given themselves away. Sex will often show up here.
7. Help them face their fatigue at conforming to others' needs, whims, and expectations.
8. Help them face their dependence. Contrast it with freedom.
9. Ask who owns their friends' feelings.
10. Watch out. They may do whatever will get your approval.

Type Three

1. Invite them to move back into feelings when they talk about their work.
2. Recommend bodywork in which there are no markers of success.
3. Help them pay attention to their body. Feelings are linked to body states.
4. Help them articulate feelings, especially of sexuality and anger.
5. Help them acknowledge vulnerability.
6. Help them notice their conflict between intimacy and achievement.
7. Direct some of their energy toward social reform.
8. Help them reframe their image of God or attitude toward authority.
9. Find a group in which they must remain anonymous (like choir).
10. Help them do things counter to image.

Type Four

1. Identify some areas of satisfaction.
2. Recommend a study of some lamentation psalms. Note the dynamic.
3. Point out the preoccupation with what is absent and unavailable. This rationality is a good balance for the dramatic unreal emotions they may present.
4. Allow them to ventilate their feelings.
5. Probe for which feelings are real. Where are they in their body?
6. Have them read books by other Fours (Merton, Therese of Lisieux, John).
7. Reframe their longing as a longing for God.
8. Get in touch with their emotional center. Centering prayer is good.
9. Explore feelings of shame. Note the flip side of arrogance.
10. Their melancholy has a sweetness about it, linking them to past or future

Type Five

1. Help them enlarge their range of emotions, activities, and interests.
2. Help them articulate their inner world.
3. Help them put words on experiences. (They're more real after being talked through).
4. Remind them: involvement in activity isn't the same as involvement with people who are participating in the lactivity.
5. Help them see that beneath the desire to know is the desire for love.
6. Maturity is found in developing relationships with the external world.
7. Reframe commitment as a gain instead of a loss.
8. Castle/home/prison can become interchangeable. Untangle the different feelings.
9. Bodywork is often quite helpful.
10. Sex can be a means to reach out to the external world. It is non-verbal.

Type Six

1. Create an atmosphere of trust. Nothing happens until that does.
2. Physical relaxation helps take the focus off obsessive thinking.
3. Teach them to doubt their doubting process. "What if you're wrong?"
4. Exaggerate to the absurd. "And if we're lucky, we'll die first."
5. Call them on their habit of projection.
6. Bring fears into reality. They fear most what is in their imagination.
7. Help them choose a larger role in the community.
8. Guided imagery is excellent prayer for them.
9. Massage and all bodywork are helpful.
10. For Christians, angels are helpful. (Consistent message: "fear not.")

Type Seven

1. Keep calling the Seven to the present time and place.
2. Point out avoidance patterns.
3. Remind them of their inner life. Sevens can be centrifugal.
4. Decide on a form of prayer or meditation and stick to it.
5. Keep spiritual exercises simple.
6. Distinguish between inner authority and a faked superiority.
7. Where is the order in their life? Symbolic order helps at times.
8. Bodywork is helpful. Make sure they sustain it.
9. Search for real feelings, don't buy quick thoughts.
10. Direct them to social involvement. No glamour.

Type Eight

1. Encourage symbolic bodywork.
2. Determine "whose" justice they are pursuing.
3. Introduce complexity and nuance.
4. Point out their tightly focused attention.
5. Distinguish between authority and control.
6. Try to broaden the discussion/focus.
7. Direct their anger at legitimate targets:
8. Help them admit their needs.
9. Help them claim inner values.
10. Have them argue the opposing position to break focus.

Type Nine

1. Ask for priorities.
2. Point out their wandering attention.
3. Keep asking, "Why are you doing this?"
4. Keep equality clear.
5. Note black/white judgments. They are made mindlessly.
6. Help them distinguish thoughts from feelings.
7. You may at times have to make them uncomfortable.
8. Notice when high energy is a way of staying asleep. It's a diversion.
9. Support them when they discover they don't know what they want.
10. Give them structure for prayer and reflection.


SOURCE: Enneagram Central

[Ben]

Type Five
10. Sex can be a means to reach out to the external world. It is non-verbal.

(Needs more characters. )

[starri]

I also read that somewhere on INTP relations

Apparently it is a shortcut to training Fe. The sweaty way.

[snail]

That's so hot! I love the idea of using sex to make an INTP feel things more intensely. :) ...regardless of enneagram type.
Posted via Mobile Device

[Jomama]

Fantastic. Thank you, Starri.

[Mooserapids]

Really helpful for this newcomer to the PC community. I am a type 5 with 4 wing. Your suggestions make sense to me and most of the strategies I have found helpful are on your lists. Thanks

[Raichan]

Type One

1. Challenge notions of perfection. (Does it include forgiveness?)
2. Find out why it is so important that others follow all the rules.
3. Bodywork is unusually helpful.
4. Poetry and art should be included in their prayer-forms.
5. Help them integrate pleasure into their lives.
6. Help them criticize their habit of criticism.
7. Help them relativize their important norms/rules/obligations.

Type Two

1. Encourage solitude. It relives the pressure to affiliate.
2. Among all the activities, help them find the "constant self."
3. Remember, "What you don't get up front, you get out back."
4. Have them answer, "How do you take control?"
5. Help them identify their negative feelings.
6. Help them face and work through the anger at not being appreciated, not getting approval, not receiving strong enough emotional response and more subtly, not being free. Their anger will show up when they realize they are angry at having given themselves away. Sex will often show up here.
7. Help them face their fatigue at conforming to others' needs, whims, and expectations.
8. Help them face their dependence. Contrast it with freedom.
9. Ask who owns their friends' feelings.
10. Watch out. They may do whatever will get your approval.

Type Three

1. Invite them to move back into feelings when they talk about their work.
2. Recommend bodywork in which there are no markers of success.
3. Help them pay attention to their body. Feelings are linked to body states.
4. Help them articulate feelings, especially of sexuality and anger.
5. Help them acknowledge vulnerability.
6. Help them notice their conflict between intimacy and achievement.
7. Direct some of their energy toward social reform.
8. Help them reframe their image of God or attitude toward authority.
9. Find a group in which they must remain anonymous (like choir).
10. Help them do things counter to image.

Type Four

1. Identify some areas of satisfaction.
2. Recommend a study of some lamentation psalms. Note the dynamic.
3. Point out the preoccupation with what is absent and unavailable. This rationality is a good balance for the dramatic unreal emotions they may present.
4. Allow them to ventilate their feelings.
5. Probe for which feelings are real. Where are they in their body?
6. Have them read books by other Fours (Merton, Therese of Lisieux, John).
7. Reframe their longing as a longing for God.
8. Get in touch with their emotional center. Centering prayer is good.
9. Explore feelings of shame. Note the flip side of arrogance.
10. Their melancholy has a sweetness about it, linking them to past or future

Type Five

1. Help them enlarge their range of emotions, activities, and interests.
2. Help them articulate their inner world.
3. Help them put words on experiences. (They're more real after being talked through).
4. Remind them: involvement in activity isn't the same as involvement with people who are participating in the lactivity.
5. Help them see that beneath the desire to know is the desire for love.
6. Maturity is found in developing relationships with the external world.
7. Reframe commitment as a gain instead of a loss.
8. Castle/home/prison can become interchangeable. Untangle the different feelings.
9. Bodywork is often quite helpful.
10. Sex can be a means to reach out to the external world. It is non-verbal.

Type Six

1. Create an atmosphere of trust. Nothing happens until that does.
2. Physical relaxation helps take the focus off obsessive thinking.
3. Teach them to doubt their doubting process. "What if you're wrong?"
4. Exaggerate to the absurd. "And if we're lucky, we'll die first."
5. Call them on their habit of projection.
6. Bring fears into reality. They fear most what is in their imagination.
7. Help them choose a larger role in the community.
8. Guided imagery is excellent prayer for them.
9. Massage and all bodywork are helpful.
10. For Christians, angels are helpful. (Consistent message: "fear not.")

Type Seven

1. Keep calling the Seven to the present time and place.
2. Point out avoidance patterns.
3. Remind them of their inner life. Sevens can be centrifugal.
4. Decide on a form of prayer or meditation and stick to it.
5. Keep spiritual exercises simple.
6. Distinguish between inner authority and a faked superiority.
7. Where is the order in their life? Symbolic order helps at times.
8. Bodywork is helpful. Make sure they sustain it.
9. Search for real feelings, don't buy quick thoughts.
10. Direct them to social involvement. No glamour.

Type Eight

1. Encourage symbolic bodywork.
2. Determine "whose" justice they are pursuing.
3. Introduce complexity and nuance.
4. Point out their tightly focused attention.
5. Distinguish between authority and control.
6. Try to broaden the discussion/focus.
7. Direct their anger at legitimate targets:
8. Help them admit their needs.
9. Help them claim inner values.
10. Have them argue the opposing position to break focus.

Type Nine

1. Ask for priorities.
2. Point out their wandering attention.
3. Keep asking, "Why are you doing this?"
4. Keep equality clear.
5. Note black/white judgments. They are made mindlessly.
6. Help them distinguish thoughts from feelings.
7. You may at times have to make them uncomfortable.
8. Notice when high energy is a way of staying asleep. It's a diversion.
9. Support them when they discover they don't know what they want.
10. Give them structure for prayer and reflection.


SOURCE: Enneagram Central

Thanks, I could use this in helping myself, tbh.

[OrangeAppled]

Type Four

1. Identify some areas of satisfaction.


This is a quick way to piss me off. Most people do it in the "pointing out what is good about your life that you need to appreciate" way. What this does is invalidate how I feel. This usually makes me withdraw from someone because I feel they don't understand. It actually exacerbates my dissatisfaction.

IMO, a better way is to tell a 4 they are capable of creating/getting what they want. 4s feel defective, that somehow they are not able to be happy like other people because something is lacking within them which others have which allows others to create/get what they need. So you need to reassure them they have the ability, but not in way that makes it sound like they're not trying hard enough or something like that. You ARE on eggshells.

3. Point out the preoccupation with what is absent and unavailable. This rationality is a good balance for the dramatic unreal emotions they may present.

See above. Invalidation = no go.

4. Allow them to ventilate their feelings.

Yes.

6. Have them read books by other Fours (Merton, Therese of Lisieux, John).

They probably already have... :P

7. Reframe their longing as a longing for God.
I like the idea of soothing feelings of defectiveness this way. Especially if you're talking about God as the redeemer of sin, then for a 4, they find the truth behind their feelings of being flawed.

9. Explore feelings of shame. Note the flip side of arrogance.
We've noted, and we'd prefer you not to. You're dealing with someone who is hyper self-aware, remember....
I think it's best if you give them an objective view of how they appear, but this won't ease dealing with them, even if it is useful to them. When I first learned people saw me as snobby, I was hurt. It did not ease relations with the people who thought that. It did prove useful in my improving my demeanor though.

What you could do is note the discrepancy between how the 4 feels & appears in a positive way. You might note that they are warmer & more empathetic than they may first appear. Making the 4 feel understood will bring out their better qualities.

10. Their melancholy has a sweetness about it, linking them to past or future

True indeed...I'm not sure what this is advising though.... Appreciate the sweetness? Don't write it off as dramatic or whiny? See the poetry & insight within it? Yes!

[holyrockthrower]

My own assessment:

Yes
No
Neutral

Type Six

1. Create an atmosphere of trust. Nothing happens until that does.
2. Physical relaxation helps take the focus off obsessive thinking. [actually, that will probably give my brain time to ruminate. give me an activity, please]
3. Teach them to doubt their doubting process. "What if you're wrong?" [I guess so. But I learned to do this when I was about 9 and I realized that worrying and preparing a. feels bad and b. is likely to fall through, because things never go the way you'd expect]
4. Exaggerate to the absurd. "And if we're lucky, we'll die first." [stop thinking I'm negative and and learn my sense of humor]
5. Call them on their habit of projection. [I"m not saying I don't project. I'm saying it's not where my bigger issues are]
6. Bring fears into reality. They fear most what is in their imagination. [Like monsters in the closet]
7. Help them choose a larger role in the community. [I don't want the community, I want the world. The whole damn world! And I know my role here for sure. It's more a problem of finding out how]
8. Guided imagery is excellent prayer for them. [srs question: what is this?]
9. Massage and all bodywork are helpful.
10. For Christians, angels are helpful. (Consistent message: "fear not.")[I don't really believe in angels, but I guess the thought of a guardian angel is nice. Doesn't mean you're protected, though.]

Why does this fit me better?

Type Nine

1. Ask for priorities.
2. Point out their wandering attention.
3. Keep asking, "Why are you doing this?"
4. Keep equality clear.
5. Note black/white judgments. They are made mindlessly.
6. Help them distinguish thoughts from feelings.
7. You may at times have to make them uncomfortable.
8. Notice when high energy is a way of staying asleep. It's a diversion.
9. Support them when they discover they don't know what they want.
10. Give them structure for prayer and reflection.

[aconite]

Type Seven
1. Keep calling the Seven to the present time and place.

Oh, yes. Sometimes quite often I need a good kick in order to stop procrastinating, planning, daydreaming and actually do something.

2. Point out avoidance patterns.

Ditto.

3. Remind them of their inner life. Sevens can be centrifugal.

I don't think I need it; maybe it's because I'm an introvert.

4. Decide on a form of prayer or meditation and stick to it.

No thanks. I'm not religious and I find meditation quite boring.

5. Keep spiritual exercises simple.

I neither want nor need spirituality period.

6. Distinguish between inner authority and a faked superiority.

I understand the "faked superiority" part, but what does "inner authority" mean? Being in touch with what I really want? Being aware of both my flaws and virtues?

7. Where is the order in their life? Symbolic order helps at times.

Maybe. I hate being forced to become orderly and efficient, but some sort of order would definitely help me get forward.

8. Bodywork is helpful. Make sure they sustain it.

Sustain? Ouch. Sustaining is not something that comes easy to me.

9. Search for real feelings, don't buy quick thoughts.

As I said, I think I'm not that bad at inwardness. Nevertheless, sometimes I prefer to keep my feelings to myself (doesn't anyone, though?).

10. Direct them to social involvement. No glamour.

Why would I need social involvement? I don't get it.