Instinctual variant and relationships

Instinctual variant and relationships

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This is a discussion on Instinctual variant and relationships within the Enneagram Personality Theory Forum forums, part of the Personality Type Forums category; Your instinctual variant + stacking preference for romantic / platonic relations? I'm sp/sx. Got at least 2 somewhat close peeps ...

  1. #1
    Type 7

    Instinctual variant and relationships

    Your instinctual variant + stacking preference for romantic / platonic relations?
    I'm sp/sx. Got at least 2 somewhat close peeps who said they sx/sp. Another one was so/sx. Honestly don't mind with friendships.

    Romantically however, I'd put so first people down my list more - the ones I know seem to be overly bothered with social situations / social acceptability. They may want to drag me out to big groups, or expect me to pay attention to what everyone's saying, instead of focusing on a 1 or 2. Also, my interest in gossip is usually a bit lacking in comparison.
    By the way, how well do you relate to this article?
    -----
    Flow of Instinctual Energies & Compatibility

    When we invest our energy, most of it is devoted to fulfillment of our primary instinct. The remaining energy radiates or flows onto the secondary instinct and finally - onto the last instinct, which receives the smallest share. There are two possible configurations or directions for this flow. In first configuration, energy is invested in the order of sx→sp→so→sx. This direction gives rise to three stackings: sx/sp, sp/so, so/sx. In the second configuration, energy is invested in the order of sx→so→sp→sx, which gives rise to the other three stackings: sx/so, so/sp and sp/sx.

    Syn-flow: sp→so→sx→sp
    Stackings involved: sp/so→so/sx→>sx/sp→sp/so
    Direction: Compelled toward people. Acting upon and with others as a born insider i.e.- deeply human.

    Contra-flow: sp→sx→so→sp
    Stackings involved: sp/sx→sx/so→so/sp→sp/sx
    Direction: Compelled against people. Seething belligerent outsiders; 'antisocial', provoking, reverse-flow change catalysts. In some profound sense, rejecting the human condition, their own and/or that of others.

    The two flows move in the opposite directions. This antithesis can be seen if the instinctual stackings are compared in pairs:

    so/sx - including, associating, affiliating, networking, incorporating, interconnecting, introducing, unifying, linking, bonding, annexing, cooperating, receiving
    sx/so - excluding, eliminating, dividing, separating, contradicting, subverting, confronting, rebuffing, challenging, interrupting, reforming, rupturing

    sx/sp - intensifying, escalating, rising, surging, enlivening, invigorating, accelerating, stimulating, energizing, vitalizing, reviving, animating, inspiriting
    sp/sx - dulling, calming, quieting, grounding, descending, lowering, dampening, numbing, desensitizing, exhausting, deadening, extinguishing, making still

    sp/so - conserving, protecting, maintaining, preserving, supplying, repairing, sustaining, stewarding
    so/sp - utilizing, employing, implementing, expending, exercising, spending, capitalizing, expropriating


    It is speculated that people with stackings that are part of same flow progression generally have more understanding and smoother interaction, since they are channeling their energies in the same manner. Interactions of stackings that are part of the same flow have the potential to cover for one's blindspot instinct as well as reinforce one's own instinctual energy flow. For example: if one person's stacking is sx/sp, this person is directing energy in the following manner sx->sp->so, in which case another person with sp/so stacking will be reinforcing to their weaker secondary sp->so link and covering for their SO-last blind spot. On the other hand interactions with people who are channeling their energies in the opposite direction can feel dull, draining and disorienting.
    -------------
    "On the other hand interactions with people who are channeling their energies in the opposite direction can feel dull, draining and disorienting." - Nope. Never had a problem with sp/so or sx/sp. Might just be me though.
    Last edited by Choice; 07-17-2012 at 07:41 PM.
    kaleidoscope, xEmilyx, Shadowlight and 13 others thanked this post.



  2. #2
    Unknown

    That article was actually really useful! You should post it in a separate thread or take out the spoiler tags =)

    In my experience with relationships, I think what matters more is where the Sx instinct is located. I can imagine an Sx-first and Sx-last having some problems with levels of intimacy, though at the end of the day it depends on the individuals.

    Furthermore, people generally misunderstand the So instinct and mistype as Sp/Sx or Sx/Sp.

  3. #3
    Type 7

    Quote Originally Posted by Spades View Post
    Furthermore, people generally misunderstand the So instinct and mistype as Sp/Sx or Sx/Sp.
    What do they tend to misinterpret then?

  4. #4
    Unknown

    Quote Originally Posted by Jiktin View Post
    What do they tend to misinterpret then?
    Well, people often associate So with sociability/being social and assume it's incompatible with introversion for example.

    The main thing is, one can't separate the stacking from the core type. "Compliant" types will seem more So, "aggressive" types more Sx, and "withdrawn" types more Sp. Each subtype however, has a distinct flavour which one should determine together with their core type, and not from the separate descriptions. Here are some good examples from this site:

    Self-pres
    Sexual
    Social

    Anyway, I don't mean to derail! The ideas you've posted are interesting. I'd have to think about the types and stackings of my past partners to really be able to make a comparison.
    Ace Face, emerald sea, Choice and 3 others thanked this post.

  5. #5
    Type 7

    I'm confused... How does it work with an sx with an so?

  6. #6
    Type 5w4


    I'm an sx/so married to a so/sx and I could see how we have a tendency to approach things in contradictory ways like that. He's a team player, I want to shake things up (although I'm an introvert so it's not like I'm out there in the middle of everything being totally crazy about it). I like that dynamic between us, though. It keeps it interesting and we learn a lot from each other because of our different points of view.

    My social within me does NOT mean I am inclined to social chit chat and like gossip. I hate being in big groups and I don't perceive myself as a 'social' person. However, I pay attention to what's going on in the world, I see how my actions affect others/ I'm very aware of others' reactions to me, I can be fairly socially skilled/charming when I want to be, and I do like to feel like I'm doing something with some sort of impact. I am not an island. That's why the social is second. As @Spades says, many people misunderstand social.
    cyamitide, aconite, kaleidoscope and 1 others thanked this post.

  7. #7
    Unknown


    I'm Sx/So, so contra-flow. I don't think I've ever been in a romantic relationship with So/Sp (and I'm not especially thrilled about the idea); Sp/Sx feels way too unwilling to merge, and frankly, Sp talk bores me to death. I can't relate to syn-flow being draining - I like So/Sx and Sx/Sp people.

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    My social within me does NOT mean I am inclined to social chit chat and like gossip. I hate being in big groups and I don't perceive myself as a 'social' person. However, I pay attention to what's going on in the world, I see how my actions affect others/ I'm very aware of others' reactions to me, I can be fairly socially skilled/charming when I want to be, and I do like to feel like I'm doing something with some sort of impact. I am not an island. That's why the social is second. As @Spades says, many people misunderstand social.
    I can relate very much. Even though I'm So-second, I'm not a social person. I can come across as extroverted for brief periods of time, but I need my privacy.

    As for romantic relationships, those with fellow Sx-doms are FAR more fulfilling. Being with someone who is also Sx/So can't be compared to anything else... at least this is how I feel. Sure, sharing the Sp blind spot (and MBTI type) makes us both hopelessly impractical sometimes, but I think that instinctual stacking is a very important part of compatibility (more important than Enneagram types, or MBTI/Socionics/JCF).
    Inguz and kaleidoscope thanked this post.

  8. #8

    sx/sp - intensifying, escalating, rising, surging, enlivening, invigorating, accelerating, stimulating, energizing, vitalizing, reviving, animating, inspiriting

    sx/so - excluding, eliminating, dividing, separating, contradicting, subverting, confronting, rebuffing, challenging, interrupting, reforming, rupturing

    I'm a little bit of both.. LOL seems like I'm always gonna have this problem with Sx/So and Sx/Sp descriptions.
    aconite, emerald sea and Inguz thanked this post.

  9. #9
    Type 5

    Quote Originally Posted by brainheart View Post
    My social within me does NOT mean I am inclined to social chit chat and like gossip. I hate being in big groups and I don't perceive myself as a 'social' person. However, I pay attention to what's going on in the world, I see how my actions affect others/ I'm very aware of others' reactions to me, I can be fairly socially skilled/charming when I want to be, and I do like to feel like I'm doing something with some sort of impact. I am not an island.
    Same here! (as usual, lol) I do feel like an island much of the time but maybe that's a core Five thing.

    Quote Originally Posted by kaleidoscope View Post
    I'm a little bit of both.. LOL seems like I'm always gonna have this problem with Sx/So and Sx/Sp descriptions.
    I'd probably be sp/sx in this particular analysis: sp/sx - dulling, calming, quieting, grounding, descending, lowering, dampening, numbing, desensitizing, exhausting, deadening, extinguishing, making still

    I think I "vibe" like an sp/sx type. The parts I have bolded seem to fit. The terms are so vague, though, I'm not really sure what they are trying to get at. The contra-flow description fits me more than the syn-flow, in any case.
    sodden and kaleidoscope thanked this post.

  10. #10
    Type 9w8

    I think I'd have a lot of trouble being with a guy who's sx-last; I can see that being a source of conflict. I usually get attracted to guys who are sx like me anyway. There's a kind of energy... I can sometimes see a guy who's attractive to me and know that our energy clicks just by looking at him. It proves to be true when he starts talking to me and I feel an intense "connection" right away. Sounds creepy on my part but what can ya do?


     

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