What do ENFP's look for in a guy?
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This is a discussion on How can I find an ENFP companion? ENFP girls. within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; What do ENFP's look for in a guy?...
What do ENFP's look for in a guy?
This one looks for emotional maturity, intelligence, honesty/directness, kindness (not just to me, but to everyone), open-mindedness, independence, and an obvious enjoyment of being in my company.
I'm sure in addition to general compatibility I am all of these things.
I have friends who seem ENFP but I could never date them for reasons outside of personality, nothing bad, just circumstance.
Hmm.. I can't think of many more questions.
What is the personality type of any companions you have had?
For me I like guys who are into academia generally and that are faithful and honest.
Play to your strengths. Nothing is guaranteed, but your more likely to be happy in the long term being confident in yourself.
INFPs and ENFPs communicate easily - we speak the same language and there isn't a lot of misunderstanding. (Sometimes NFPs are a little *too* conflict avoidant and start internalizing everything, but it just takes some self-training to communicate when something is bothering them....even if they aren't 100% sure what the problem is).
INFPs and ENFPs share the same high energy and enthusiasm for creativity and novelty. (Just be careful not to let this run too wild or you'll end up with more projects and ideas than you can ever finish). This is a good one to establish a connection with an ENFP, though. :) Even "grown up" ENFPs like a playmate to be stupid with on occasion.
INFPs are understanding and sympathetic. ENFPs are likewise supportive and inspiring (when healthy).
One big piece of advice, though.... ENFPs are remarkably oblivious to flirtation directed at them... If you find one you really connect with and like, be sure to give hints that you are interested. Tease her gently about dating, lightly touch her (and be aware that if she disengages, she's probably not comfortable with it). Give her time to process the idea and consider you in the role of boyfriend. If she takes to the idea, it'll be OBVIOUS. But be patient and give it a couple of days.
The INFPs I've known have been very casual and easy to joke around with - so relax! The worst that happens is you make an awesome friend instead of a girlfriend.
I find that INFPs are like kindred spirits of us ENFPs. Some of my dearest friends are INFPs. A pair of NFPs have almost a supernatural understanding of one another. I find that I just "get" INFPs. I have a good INFP friend I met online at age 10, and sometimes we'd go for a year without communication, especially as we got older and started college, etc. But no matter when we reconnected it was like there wasn't a minute gone by. I met her for the first time IRL a year ago and it was like we had been in that state forever it was so seamless.
So I am sure if you find the right ENFP gal, you will find that you can almost communicate without words.
But @Alysaria is right, we are extremely oblivious when guys are hitting on us (we just assume everyone is as chatty and nice to everyone as we are!!), so you need to actually be direct and make your intentions known. Otherwise we might just throw you in the friend zone. However, even though we are oblivious to flirtation, I find that we are also masters of disguise when we are attracted to a guy. I tend to clam up and lose all powers of speech when I am around a guy I am interested in. I also sometimes act really shy and downplay any of my normal gregarious behaviors.
As for what we are attracted to or look for in a mate. I think it's not necessarily type-dependent, though I think in general we look for mates who are intelligent, compassionate, and have a sense of humor. I'm usually most attracted to well-educated introverts - I find extroverts make me expend too much energy and make me "high", whereas introverts balance me. I feel most comfortable with other intuitives (I crave that deeper level of understanding), though my boyfriend is a borderline sensor (IsTJ). Also a guy who's not afraid of a little PDA. I'm not talking about anything PG-13 here. I want a guy who wants to hold my hand and gives me random kisses for no reason.
I'm also kind of old fashioned in that I want a guy who will open doors and pull our chairs for me....showing a little chivalry you can't go wrong with a hopelessly romantic ENFP. Just remember not to go overboard. We are also fiercely opposed to being controlled and are generally independent.
Sometimes I find myself reminding my SO that I can actually do things for myself - example, we're cooking dinner (I'm 5'4 and he's 6'4) and I grab a stool to reach a high cupboard for something and he gets upset, like why didn't I ask him to get it for me. But to me, even though I know he is doing it because he cares and wants to help me and be a gentleman, it's more of a pain to spell out what I need and where it is, and it's much more practical for me to just do it myself!
We all look for this...
[I remember this posting elsewhere, but it's a true story.]