What do ENFP think of ISTJ's?

**Toasties** · 06-28-2011 07:38 PM

I have to say, I really love ISTJs! One of my best friends is xSTJ and she's amazing! She is great at helping me stay focused and when she gets all blunt and critical I poke fun at her and then she laughs! And we always have fun together!

And the ISTJs I've followed on this site are great!! @niss, @Yardley Bey, @zeth006 to name a few. I love the way they think and wicked sense of humour.

But of course I'm saving the best for last! I absolutely, unreservedly adore my ISTJ man!!! He is the most grounded, loving, loyal, caring person I have ever met. He loves me without question, and would do anything to make me happy! And does!

Yes, he can appear cold and distant from the outside, especially people who don't know him. And sometimes he's not engaged. But he's always there when i need him, because it's me. He means what he says, he does what he says he's going to do, and does it to the best of his ability, even if it's at a high cost to himself. But underneath is a warm and loving man who has gone to great lenghths to make our relationship the best! We have both worked on giving each other what the other one needs, while understanding we can't be all things, all the time.

We compromise. Sometimes we stay in, other times we go out. Sometimes we debate heatedly and agree to disagree :) sometimes we don't talk much at all and other times we help each other process the life around us. We laugh ALOT!!!

We have learned to understand each others language, POV, and needs. We are yin and yang. His ISTJness fits perfectly with my ENFP. So if you ask me, next to ENFP, ISTJs are my favourites!

**SoftBoiledLife** · 06-28-2011 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by The Sundancer

So at the end of the day most of them seem like pretty cool people to know and learn from :D

I know.

.

**maraschinooo** · 10-08-2011 11:19 PM

Originally Posted by Shanty

Save your time and your energy (and your emotional state).

In my experience (with the males anyway), they are happy to totally bored ... oil and water for an ENFP. You will spend 85% of your time trying to engage them or open them up to conversation/ connection, and the other 15% bored off your ass (yes, this is usually the time you start fidgeting and moving around).

They rarely smile and are difficult to amuse ... seems like even if they DO find joy in something, it really doesn't show. I like to KNOW that a person feels happy/ amused/ sad/ angry, etc. Fuck guessing all the time, and that's generally what an ISTJ will have you doing constantly. I always felt like the ISTJ I dated was pissed off or upset with me for some reason (he might have been, who knows) ... it would often end up with me getting REALLY irritated and sulking (haha, serious).

The thing that REALLY bothered me was how cold they are. I'm sure SOME aren't, but in my experience, COLD COLD COLD!!! If I would cry about something (which wasn't often, I am not a cryer by nature), he wouldn't be able to comfort or show any kind of warmth at all UNLESS he understood WHY I was upset. If he couldn't understand WHY, he'd just sit there, stone-faced and totally emotionless. It actually scared me sometimes.

Stay away from this type as an ENFP - keep your warmth and energy and don't be made to think you're crazy by an ISTJ without the ability to feel without a 10 page report on WHY they should!!

That sums up my experience with istjs as well.

The ones I've been close to took everything I said literally. They were very smart people, too! They just could not sense when I was being cheeky... couldn't pick up on it, so they'd give literal answers to my metaphorical/theoretical musings. It was cute sometimes and incredibly frustrating the rest of the time. It's a fundamental difference in communication styles and what we view as important that creates the friction.

**NaughyChimp** · 11-09-2011 03:06 PM

This thread a bit sad; there's so much negativity (much of it well-earned, no doubt) about ISTJs. My late father was an ISTJ and my brother is one, too. Neither was/is much "into" self-knowlege or personal growth, and both were/are a bit unhealthy but I have an abiding love for them and, as a result, a deep affection for the ISTJ Type. It actually hurts me to read some of the things that are written here, not because we're not all entitled to our opinions but rather because the ISTJs I've known all have really good, solid hearts under their hardass exteriors.

These 2 ISTJs were protective of me. I was always losing my wallet, forgetting to do important tasks, talking and giggling when I was supposed to be quiet. Often, they were stern and disapproving of this sort of behaviour but sometimes they would go out of their ways to make sure I was okay. I was protective of them, too. ISTJs often don't have a very good "read" on people, and I would try to warn them away from from people who were clearly (to ENFP me) users & phonies and help them understand interpersonal interactions that left them flabbergasted. Usually they'd scoff at my iNtuition... only to be dicked over later by the people I predicted would do so.

I wish that ISTJs and ENFPs could "team up" (not necessarily romantically - just, in general) more often as we could really help each other a lot with our respective blind spots.

**Swordsman of Mana** · 11-09-2011 03:41 PM

honestly, they're starting to grow on me. this ENFP is starting to learn that the whole plan/routine/schedule thing they do is pretty freakin useful.

**CataclysmSolace** · 05-30-2012 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by On the road to Damascus

My experience with ISTJ's is that they are like lobsters - crusty crustaceans - an almost impenetrable shell which requires great effort to get in (and sometimes you never do) but once you are in, there is such delicate exquisite lobster meat that requires no flavouring because it's perfect just the way it is (sigh).

Weird analogy, oddly strikes a chord within me… I've heard a lot of comments about us having a "barrier" and the "exquisite delight beneath", which I find odd…

**CataclysmSolace** · 05-30-2012 01:59 PM

Originally Posted by maraschinooo

That sums up my experience with istjs as well.

The ones I've been close to took everything I said literally. They were very smart people, too! They just could not sense when I was being cheeky... couldn't pick up on it, so they'd give literal answers to my metaphorical/theoretical musings. It was cute sometimes and incredibly frustrating the rest of the time. It's a fundamental difference in communication styles and what we view as important that creates the friction.

I tend to pick up on the metaphorical comments sometimes…. However, literal? I enjoy being able to say one thing and mean another, meaning both. Catches people off guard… I tend to be average in communication with mostly about everyone I meet ( they have to start the conversation though).

**BuckeyeENFP** · 05-30-2012 02:14 PM

I think the key to having a successful relationship between ENFPs and ISTJs really boils down to having shared values and interests.

What I get from reading some of the bad relationships that many ENFPs have had with ISTJs is that they end up debating/arguing about stupid stuff, not because they can't communicate, but because there are inherent differences in how they view the world that both sides can't find any middle ground.

IMHO, I look at political ideology and religion before I look at personality type, as the former two are waaaaaay more important in whether or not two people are compatible and will have a successful relationship. Personality differences can be overcome. Political and religious differences can't.