[Shale]

@OcarinaOfTime

I've always been good with my hands, but also with good ears for pitch.
I have good visuospatial skills (I used to be great at pool), but I did TERRIBLY at Geometry, purely because I couldn't understand the written explanations on what they wanted you to do with each function.....It's quite common for ENFPs to go onto careers in Acting, Music, Invention, Journalism, Art, etc.

He is all of these. He is singing constantly and does it very well ... I'm always very surprised (choir and band doesn't begin until the 4th grade, so we'll see what he wants to do then. Visuospatial skills? Absolutely! We are heavily involved in scouts. Last summer in day camp he scored very high with BB targets and archery (first time uses.) I'm amazed at his steadiness and accuracy. He LOVES guns. LOVES. It's not exactly something a parent feels entirely wonderful about ... but we have bought him his own BB gun and he can practice under our supervision. We educate him on the safety of those items, etc. It just seems to be his "thing." Dad and brother have the love for RC planes/helis ... it will only be a matter of time before he is "hopefully" sucked in (it's a great way to learn 'tinkering' skills.) Inventors, possibly ... he is constantly modifying his Nerf guns (as cheesy as that sounds.)



I'm certain he is not Dyslexic. They are tested individually for reading fluency and comprehension. He scores well above what is expected of his grade, so I'm certain his teacher would have caught it.

The daydreaming. Yes I notice it. However, it is something entirely normal to me since I was accused of doing this when I was a kid. The fallacy for me is that I was not "dreaming" about anything. For me it was my brain shutting down or doing into "rest mode" b/c there was too much stimuli around me or tuning everything out around me b/c I was intensely focused on something. I still do it as an adult and often I catch myself drifting off into la la land when I am listening to someone talk for an extended period of time. Internally now I slap myself, saying "PAY ATTENTION! FOCUS!" Yes, even at 38 years old. HA!

I can't imagine there being too much stimuli for him (or I'm wrong.) Can you explain to me what is going on in your head when you are daydreaming? You've given me a multitude of things to watch for with which he may struggle. Thank you!

[Julia Bell]

@OcarinaOfTime

He is all of these. He is singing constantly and does it very well ... I'm always very surprised (choir and band doesn't begin until the 4th grade, so we'll see what he wants to do then. Visuospatial skills? Absolutely! We are heavily involved in scouts. Last summer in day camp he scored very high with BB targets and archery (first time uses.) I'm amazed at his steadiness and accuracy. He LOVES guns. LOVES. It's not exactly something a parent feels entirely wonderful about ... but we have bought him his own BB gun and he can practice under our supervision. We educate him on the safety of those items, etc. It just seems to be his "thing." Dad and brother have the love for RC planes/helis ... it will only be a matter of time before he is "hopefully" sucked in (it's a great way to learn 'tinkering' skills.) Inventors, possibly ... he is constantly modifying his Nerf guns (as cheesy as that sounds.)

I'm certain he is not Dyslexic. They are tested individually for reading fluency and comprehension. He scores well above what is expected of his grade, so I'm certain his teacher would have caught it.

The daydreaming. Yes I notice it. However, it is something entirely normal to me since I was accused of doing this when I was a kid. The fallacy for me is that I was not "dreaming" about anything. For me it was my brain shutting down or doing into "rest mode" b/c there was too much stimuli around me or tuning everything out around me b/c I was intensely focused on something. I still do it as an adult and often I catch myself drifting off into la la land when I am listening to someone talk for an extended period of time. Internally now I slap myself, saying "PAY ATTENTION! FOCUS!" Yes, even at 38 years old. HA!

I can't imagine there being too much stimuli for him (or I'm wrong.) Can you explain to me what is going on in your head when you are daydreaming? You've given me a multitude of things to watch for with which he may struggle. Thank you!

You're making me really want to meet your son. XD Simply because I can relate a lot. Lol.

It's not stimuli... I think it is the lack of, rather. Or at least, for excited Ne. In class, when you're learning about something, you're focusing on one thing for a drawn out period of time. You are told to think linearly. The problem being, I think, for Ne users is that we're anything but linear thinkers. I'm sure you've heard of Ne being described as a "fishing net". It wants to connect ideas in a very not linear fashion. So I think that is part of the problem. The way he is being taught is probably more like using a fishing pole. I think that is part of the problem. Certainly not the whole problem. But I have noticed that this has been an ongoing issue for me as well. It's not like I don't want to "focus" -- it is simply that I "focus" differently. The thing is, it is definitely a good skill for an ENFP to have to learn to use the fishing pole as opposed to the net. ^^

Right now in his grade he's still learning more "foundational" things, which means more memorization than anything else. The bane of an ENFP right there. XD

There's probably not a ton of discussion in class, being his age. I don't know how much interactive learning he is getting, and that can make things easier. I think you should keep up the rewards and punishments, like SOM said. Things will probably get better in high school (maybe, lol). Because usually class can get more "discussion" ish, at least in certain classes. You are allowed to think for yourself more. At least in my experience. I've been through lots of different types of schooling - public, private, home school, online... now I guess I need to try boarding. Lol. The thing is, it differs from school system to school system and teacher to teacher on what their higher classes really look it. Some schools - the better ones, I think - teach students to think for themselves and back up their opinion. Unfortunately those are rarer finds.

The problem can be summed up in one sentence: he has to learn how to work hard at things he doesn't like. I'm pretty sure most ENFPs nod their heads at that one. It has been in recent years that I've been learning this one. It is a long process. For some people, this trait comes naturally, and I am completely jealous. XD So focus on that. What helps me is real motivation. Do I like the teacher? If I like the teacher, I come to respect them and therefore want to work hard so as not to disappoint them. A bad teacher can ruin absolutely everything. It helps if I come to appreciate the subject even if I myself don't like it. It helps if I can see some sort of application somewhere in life. Although, never do this one thing:

There are some subjects we must learn. Sometimes it is simply because it is good to use our brains in that area that most likely doesn't come naturally to us (the stuff we do not like). It is these subjects we see no application for unless we are to go into a certain profession later in life. If this really is the case, don't make excuses and say, "Well, you're just gonna need it..." Simply say it as it is. "Yep. This stinks. Hold on and get through it." It really is good, anyway, to learn to think in that way that isn't necessarily easy. It makes you work at that thing you don't like. I just know that it made it a lot harder when people would come up with excuses, trying to find some application that wasn't necessarily there, and I just wanted to here somebody tell me the real truth. Come on, give me the real reason.

It definitely helps if I see where it connects to another subject. Again, unfortunately the education system has compartmentalized subjects when in fact everything is extremely interconnected. You don't see philosophy and science taught together when they are pretty much completely intertwined. Every subject bounces off of each other. Something that helps me is when I connect things.

Oh yes. And if there's one good motivation, it is having something to look forward to. Sometimes I am motivated to get through a hard class if I have one class I'm really interested in. Sometimes I am motivated to do better when my mom says something like, "Get a B or higher on this test and I buy you a Starbucks coffee". ^^

In the subjects he doesn't like, you are probably going to have to keep an eye on him. Make sure to see his homework. I know that sounds kind of "looming pushy mom" ish, but it did help motivate me to do a better job at something like math homework when I knew my mom would look at it -- or if she was watching me when I did it. It's for that reason that I actually taught myself to do my algebra homework not shut up in my room, but in a place where people could see me. It helped because it felt more relaxed, I could ask questions, and I was motivated to do better.

Just stay on him. When he messes up (which he will), I think it is important to show him what he did wrong, talk with him, think of what punishment is necessary (sometimes, in certain cases, the guilt and shame is enough), and then forgive and forget. I know when I make mistakes, sometimes my mom will unintentionally open up old wounds and it makes me feel so guilty and ashamed that, despite the fact I was already hard on myself, it made me feel 100x worse. It made me feel as though I hadn't improved at all... I felt like the scum of the earth, lol. It actually makes it harder for me to try and "fix" mistakes when I feel all this pressure from old ones. So there's an important balance there.

[Shale]

@Julia Bell Thank you for your input. Like you mentioned, he is still in the foundational portion of his education, but it is always good to know what to look out for. Thank you for pointing out the need for a small explanation of how the subject applies to everyday life. I will keep this in mind.

You think that when you are finished with college you are finished with your education minus the continuing education you may have to do with a job. When you have kids, you get to do it all over again! What I find amusing is googling terms I have forgotten or new terms that I have never heard of. Fortunately for my kids, their father is well versed in math, and I am well versed in writing (though you can't tell from my online posts, sorry! :D )

[Undoubtedly]

@OcarinaOfTime

He is all of these. He is singing constantly and does it very well ... I'm always very surprised (choir and band doesn't begin until the 4th grade, so we'll see what he wants to do then. Visuospatial skills? Absolutely! We are heavily involved in scouts. Last summer in day camp he scored very high with BB targets and archery (first time uses.) I'm amazed at his steadiness and accuracy. He LOVES guns. LOVES. It's not exactly something a parent feels entirely wonderful about ... but we have bought him his own BB gun and he can practice under our supervision. We educate him on the safety of those items, etc. It just seems to be his "thing." Dad and brother have the love for RC planes/helis ... it will only be a matter of time before he is "hopefully" sucked in (it's a great way to learn 'tinkering' skills.) Inventors, possibly ... he is constantly modifying his Nerf guns (as cheesy as that sounds.)

I'm certain he is not Dyslexic. They are tested individually for reading fluency and comprehension. He scores well above what is expected of his grade, so I'm certain his teacher would have caught it.

The daydreaming. Yes I notice it. However, it is something entirely normal to me since I was accused of doing this when I was a kid. The fallacy for me is that I was not "dreaming" about anything. For me it was my brain shutting down or doing into "rest mode" b/c there was too much stimuli around me or tuning everything out around me b/c I was intensely focused on something. I still do it as an adult and often I catch myself drifting off into la la land when I am listening to someone talk for an extended period of time. Internally now I slap myself, saying "PAY ATTENTION! FOCUS!" Yes, even at 38 years old. HA!

I can't imagine there being too much stimuli for him (or I'm wrong.) Can you explain to me what is going on in your head when you are daydreaming? You've given me a multitude of things to watch for with which he may struggle. Thank you!

Ahh he sounds amazing!
Definitely sounds like me when I was younger.
As for the dyslexia, he sounds like he has every gift a dyslexic person has, minus the reading issues.. That's AWESOME!
Many people thought that I could be an incredible engineer (if I decided not to go into entertainment and business), but I can't read technical papers.. Well, I can read them a million times, my brain just disconnects itself when I'm reading that type of thing.

My daydreaming, it usually consists of the following:
What I want to do next, what I was to do in my life, businesses I want to start, invention ideas, song ideas, musical instruments I want to buy, places I want to visit.

I guess it's the different learning sides of me, often enough.
If a guy say, mentions California. Instantly I'll be thinking about Santa Monica, and the beaches, swimming, some of the houses around there, etc.
In fact, I visualized all of that as I was writing it.. It was nice!
Same with music.. If I heard a couple notes at the beginning of a song, I'll usually recognize it, and if I like the song, I'll continue it in my head for a while.

And when I'm moderately bored, I usually think of inventions..

Your son definitely sounds like a bright and gifted kid!
I'm sure he's going to have an incredible future awaiting him.

[cgravni]

I realize this thread is aging, but I felt compelled to write anyway.

ENFP children, while gregarious, loving, and enthusiastic, often wear their parents and teachers out by mid day. They just never seem to slow down, focus or stop talking. Obviously, this makes for very stressed out parents and guardians. Especially so for parents that are not ENFPs or Extraverted Percievers.

One way to channel their boundless energy is to provide lots and lots of free time. While projects and activities can be helpful, it can be more beneficial to allow them to self-direct their own projects and activities. Unlike some other children, ENFps usually don't need someone else to direct them in an activity, such as crafts, art projects, etc... Their creative juices are flowing enough already. Instead, they seem to florish by just being allowed to do "their own thing". Provide positive encouragement to them no matter what they decide to create or do. Resist trying to tell them how to do it better. They get enough "following directions" for projects and activities at school that they usually don't need any at home.

Try to provide a "play room" that he is can go to when you need a break. Set out all sorts of toys and activies (and computer/video games if that's ok with you). Tell him he can do whatever he wants as long as he stays in there. This provides him with an outlet for his creative energy and you with much needed R&R. Realize the room will probably look an hurricane, but hey, if it enables him to focus more at school I'd say to pros outweigh the cons.

Also, take lots of trips in parks, arcades, pools or any other place that allows your son the freedom to be his energetic bombastic self. Limit involvement to group-oriented activities such as team sports, boy scouts, or any other activity that requires following the group or someone else's directions. This ensures that the focus needed for these activities is saved for school.

[YoAni]

(This is my first post ever, just joined a few minutes ago after reading this thread, so I hope I do it right! lol) Really I just want to thank everyone, because I also have a first grade son who's an ENFP and this description of Shale's son sounded just like him!!! Everyone's advice is very helpful, and I already today tried using emotion to help get him to focus. "When you do your homework, it makes me happy! It makes me feel good in my heart!" You should have seen his eyes light up and the smile on his face!! (Just for an idea of what he's like, if you ask him who his best friend is, he says "everyone is my best friend, but my best best friend is..." hahaha) :)