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ENFPs & Conflict

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conflict enfp
17K views 26 replies 13 participants last post by  Kdiosa 
#1 ·
ENFPs are said to hate conflict. I know I do. I suspect that some of you (I'm looking at you, @Muchaparadox, @Paradox1987 and @AceFace) have learned to handle it much better than I.

How do you deal with conflict?
What are most of your conflicts about?
Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict?
What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict?
Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict?
 
#2 ·
Okay, I found this at the following link Marriage Attributes Compatibility Test ENFP!! Do any of these points ring true or false, to you?

ENFP Conflict Reactions Personality Traits:

  • ENFP will likely feel uncomfortable, misunderstood in conflict
  • ENFP will likely take the conflict personally
  • ENFP will want to find a harmonious solution to the problem
  • ENFP will not usually take the most logical approach to finding the solution
  • ENFP can be extremely emotional in conflict
  • ENFP may prefer to avoid the conflict
  • ENFP may determine initially that holding onto the marriage/relationship is more important than the conflict
ENFP Conflict Resolution Activity Personality Traits

  • ENFP will naturally consider the feelings of others in conflict resolution activity
  • ENFP will treat all parties kindly and fairly
  • ENFP will focus on people centered issues
  • ENFP will not typically look for logical solutions to the conflict
  • ENFP will search for the idealistic, romantic, optimistic, beneficial (harmony) solution
  • The ENFP will likely avoid any criticism in their conflict resolution activity, unless stressed
  • ENFP can be very creative in conflict resolution activity
ENFP Likely Positive Solutions Will Be>
Fair, reasonable, considerate
Idealistic, naïve, unrealistic
Perceptive, discerning
Harmonious, cordial, agreeable, affable
ENFP Conflict Resolution Activity-Improvement Opportunities (weaknesses)

  • ENFP will typically overlook more logical solutions
  • ENFP may take the situation extremely personally
  • ENFP may not see the details of the situation
  • ENFP may begin by talking all around the central problem
  • ENFPs are likely to decide too quickly because of the pain
  • ENFP will probably discount, ignore, disregard, and overlook solutions that are logic-centered
  • ENFP may overstate, embellish, the degree of hurt feelings
  • ENFPs may ignore the situation if it hurts too much
  • ENFPs may not state their thinking directly, in details thus can be difficult to follow
 
#3 ·
How do you deal with conflict? I learn from it and remember.

What are most of your conflicts about? Speaking up about something.

Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict? No, but I used to avoid it except for with people I was extremely close to. I don't seek out conflict, but I don't run from it anymore either.

What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict? Never regret speaking up..even if it doesn't go over well. You can learn how to say it better next time, or perhaps better timing, circumstances, etc., but NEVER regret it. If you start holding yourself back when you feel strongly, or you start regretting speaking up, you might start suppressing your Te rather than strengthen it. Of course, that doesn't mean speak without a filter; I just mean, never hold back your opinion out of fear.

Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict? Not allowing others to walk on you, or speaking up for what you believe in, even if it's not the popular opinion, doesn't and won't make you a mean person. You will still be you, except you will have a voice to go along with that beautiful depth you've got going on :)
 
#4 ·
ENFPs are said to hate conflict. I know I do. I suspect that some of you (I'm looking at you, @MuChApArAdOx, @Paradox1987 and @AceFace) have learned to handle it much better than I.

How do you deal with conflict?
What are most of your conflicts about?
Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict?
What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict?
Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict?
First i want to make this clear for everyone to see. In my reality i don't have issues with confrontation, because its something i rarely experience. And if and when it happens, i stand my ground. Likely strong Fi. ( maybe once a year, at best )

Confrontation on an internet site is much different. In reality when people have opinions, there isn't 2 3 hundred other people lurking around listening to your conversations. Here our thoughts are exposed for everyone to see, its easy sitting behind the PC when feeling pissy to respond, because here there isn't any real consequences. In reality we have to learn to modify our behaviour, and be more respectful towards people. Not to say we shouldn't do that here, because if we can , we should. Trying to get a message though via text isn't always easy either. So much can get twisted around, taken out of context. I observed this causes many of the confrontational moments between people. Tone of voice, the context of how things are expressed and so on can spark negative reactions that have no intentions behind them. I've been on the giving and receiving end of both.

I've had the pleasure to speak with some great people here about the negative actions and reactions of members. I was given some great advice how to avoid people who are ignorant, people who are toxic and how i should put them on ignore. I have.

How do i handle it, well i wouldn't handle it the same way here, as people here can make it too easy ;) cough* at times. Although in the real world where it really counts, surround yourself with good people. If you're in the company of people you admire, respect, and love, there shouldn't be any reason for any fighting or confrontations. And if it comes up, although its never pleasant, don't let people rail road you. Stand your ground even if you're standing alone. If you can at all, ignore them, because it really isn't worth your time or energy. Walking away doesn't make you weak, it makes you better for not engaging in things that at the end of the day mean total " squat "
 
#7 ·
I think the fact that various ENFPs feel quite differently about conflict, how much it bothers them, and how to handle it is almost entirely due to differences in enneagram type. The most stereotypically conflict-phobic type is 9, so any ENFP who has 9 in their tritype will likely hate conflict. But if you replace that 9 with, say, an 8, they'll probably tackle it a lot more head-on, taking it in stride. So that's what you see in the 7w8 ENFPs, who seem the most aggressive.
 
#9 ·
I have 9 in my tritype (it's not my lead) and I really don't like conflicts. I have a hard time with arrogant, judgemental or mean spirited people though. IRL, I'd usually just give them a look then ignore, but it depends on how far they go. I'm not one to back down if something needs to be said, but I'll disengage after that.
 
#8 ·
How do you deal with conflict? Head on, I hate conflict so I just try to get it over and done with if I have to approach someone with something they don't want to hear or both of us don't want to talk about. If someone starts attacking me, I listen to what they have to say but if I don't think what they are saying is true then I will stand up for myself.

What are most of your conflicts about? Misunderstandings, feeling used by people who want manipulate me into doing things they want, people lying to me or keeping information from me

Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict?
I try to choose my battles, usually I think of what I can achieve with it if it's nothing I just let it go. I don't get in arguments online or with customer service employees, just don't think it's worth it!

What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict?
Act on it as soon as possible because you can solve that problem right away and also because resentments fester over time and when you do explode it's not in proportion to whatever has been done and you look like a bit of a crazy person!

Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict?
I don't even like watching people argue on tv or on film! I can watch things like Jersey Shore where they start throwing punches and it's a spectacle but those dramatic moments where people break up etc, ick, I'll fast forward!
 
#10 · (Edited)

Dealing with Conflict
I know I don't like being in a conflict, so I try my best to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. I know from experience that ignoring it will let it fester. So I state their position in as neutral a manner as I can, then my own. Show the points of divergence and get to hammering out a resolution. I don't get into a conflict capriciously, so I obviously will say my piece, I'd not be fighting about it if I didn't care.

What are most of your conflicts about
Beliefs. If it can't be proved/justified, and is forced down my throat, I'm likely to lash that tongue of mine out. It's rarely pretty. Other than that, at work it's usually faulty reasoning or prejudice.

Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict
Pick your battles wisely. Do I go to church to spread my own (ir)religious views? No. If you want to offend someone you can't blame them for the ensuing conflict ;). If I know or recognise signs of irrationality or inflexibility, I withdraw. Fighting at loggerheads achieves naught but attrition.

What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict?

Stand up for your beliefs and be counted yes. Don't be an extremist. Say your piece politely, avoid raised voices. The calmer you keep your voice and mind, the more reasonable and relevant a conflict remains. Be diplomatic; diplomacy is all about navigating conflicts without ruffling feathers. Know when you're at loggerheads, and compromise when you can. Essentially, be reasonable and fair.

Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict?
Sometime you have no choice but to raise your metaphorical weapon. Raise it, but don't let the sun set on your conflict. It'll only get worse.
 
#11 · (Edited)
I recognize those initial traits while dealing with conflict, but I do not like them. I couldn't tell if this is function or Enneagram related, but I hate settling with my own negative emotions and would prefer to make the most logical decision. This isn't a strength, however.

How do you deal with conflict? It really honestly depends. If it is a conflict I'm familiar with and have worked through in the past, I'm likely to react in a more mature and intelligent manner. If it's something completely off my radar I may not think as rationally and behave in a more immature, emotional way.

What are most of your conflicts about? Usually about my weaknesses, occasionally about other people/misunderstandings.

Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict? Try not to behave in a way that could create irrational conflict; be honest, polite, try my hardest, avoid gossip/rumors, have a good attitude.

What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict? Probably to recognize who is trying to help me and who is trying to hurt me. By understanding motives, history of friendship, patterns in behavior I can recognize when to walk away and when to ask for help or take what they tell me seriously.

Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict? No matter how much I try to act logical and learn from a situation, it is SO challenging for me not to feel the urge to cry. I think that really hinders progress, because I'm so embarrassed by my reaction that I don't have any desire to work on it right away. Do any other ENFPs have a leaky faucet during conflict? I would love to shut off the waterworks, but I can't manage to do so well.
 
#13 ·
Do any other ENFPs have a leaky faucet during conflict? I would love to shut off the waterworks, but I can't manage to do so well.
I used to do this a lot when I was younger and still lived at home. Whenever I went up against my parents, you can bet I'd get so mad I'd cry. They are very stubborn and have the mindset that they are always right, and anyone who thinks differently then they do is wrong. That mindset made me want to scream because it's natural for me to understand that others will have a different opinion than I do and that doesn't mean they are wrong.

Anyway, when I do have an IRL conflict with someone, my adrenaline always kicks in, but I have control over the tears 95% of the time. Sometimes if it's upsetting enough, I will cry afterward, away from the person. I don't think it's necessarily that I'm upset, it's just how I release some of that adrenaline. I'm naturally a bit anxious so when adrenaline is rushing through my veins, it can make me feel overwhelmed.

And like @MuChApArAdOx, IRL conflict is very rare for me; maybe once or twice per year.
 
#12 ·
Just got this from @Paradox of Vigor...I think it's great for this thread:

"Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly." - Albert Einstein

Not implying those who run from conflict have mediocre minds...I just like how this quote highlights those who have an opinion and express it regardless of it's popularity.
 
#15 ·
I love that quote =) And for those who think that expressing an opinion is aggressive, that is false. Direct, straight up communication is only aggressive to the ones who fear confrontation, fear their own opinion. Those who can stand up for what they believe in with passion, have confidence in themselves , have confidence enough in who they are to take a stand, kuddos to you, that is self empowerment.
 
#14 ·
How do you deal with conflict?

Sometimes conflict is necessary, so in those cases, I try to resolve it as fairly and quickly as possible. In my experience though, most conflict comes from insecure people who are trying to prove something to themselves. I just ignore it in those cases. I don't want them to drag me down into their level so I forget about them. :tongue: It can be hard though, sometimes you really want to involve yourself in it and you have to just remind yourself that it just isn't worth the energy.

What are most of your conflicts about?

I don't get into conflicts all that often because I tend to get along with most people. There are people in my family though that are horrible.... let's not talk about those people. :p

Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict?

I deal with what needs to be dealt with and I ignore the rest.

What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict?

I learned that there are priorities in life. Following my own happiness is more important than getting wrapped up in other people's conflict. It just isn't worth it. Many people will fight just to prove themselves or to deal with some kind of insecurity. I don't want to get wrapped up in that kind of stuff, lol. I want to be happy, and have a happy family and happy friends. I don't want to be stuck in a rut where all I do is fight with people.

Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict?

Obviously to me there are some conflicts that should not get ignored. But don't let others bring you down to their level. It will only mess up all your positive energy that could have been spent doing more productive things. I understand sometimes in the heat of the moment though, it can be hard to try to restrain yourself and your emotions. Just sometimes those emotions can be better spent doing better things with your life.
 
#23 ·
Enfpleasantly said:
And as far as your intial reaction to new people, this is what I tend to do...if the person says something absurd or offensive, I assume they were joking. I might even laugh or let them know I think they're joking. If I then learn they weren't joking, then I can start asking questions, ie: You really think women aren't as smart as men? Why do you think that? Etc. then I am in a better position to challenge them. If it turns out they WERE joking, then my response was fine, and I didn't come across as emotional and jumping to conclusions.
LOL- It's so funny you mentioned this. The other day on Facebook I was on a comment thread of a friend and somebody responded to my comment in a way that I would typically get offended at. I actually managed to pull off a semi-sarcastic reply and read their comment a bit more as a compliment. Anyways, I avoided a lot of heartache over something that isn't a big deal.

I guess it's finding the right balance. I'm still young, but at least I'm not settling with my behavior. That's better than nothing, right? It will get better :)
 
#24 ·
My answer will be based on what I do or think in general.

How do you deal with conflict?
I become 2x calm when I deal with conflict. I try to figure out the reason for the conflict.

What are most of your conflicts about?
My courage helps me to stand up against injustice. I'm a straightforward and honest, but it depends on the people in which way I tell it. Many people cannot stand criticism. And yes, standing up for justice makes the people gossip about me but none of them have the guts to say that openly to me.In school,some arrogant brats keeps a distance from me for extremely silly reasons, i.e- I don't score awesome marks like them in the tests and exams. And then when I score great in the final term, they all give me a look like 'omg! how can you do it?' Even the teachers are like this. Though the teachers have reasons, but not very logical. Some nitwits are jealous of me for my nature. I give a broad smile even when I think of them, cause they seriously have no idea how intensely I give a fuck about it. ^_^

Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict?
If there's a fault with me, then I straightaway apologize. But if the reasons are silly like the above the reasons which I've written, then I don't avoid. I ignore it, only when I see that it's going too far, then I take an action about it.

What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict?
Thanks to @Aceface, that I can shorten it in three simply words. 'Haters gonna hate'. My te has improved a lot. In the matters of conflict, I try not to use my fi.

Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict?
Just be yourself. There are billions of people in this world, and each one will have a different opinion about you. If you try to change yourself according to their will, then you'll be one of the people in the crowds. Even then, some people WILL hate you. It's a principle of life.
 
#25 ·
I have been married three times.

The way I resolve conflict has changed over the years. Im 38 years old. Im married to an INTJ, whom I adore by the way, he is a great guy. When we have a conflict is is over something stupid like "is the american buffalo really a buffalo or is it really a bison". No lie, that is a heated argument we have had. He is a very gentle man, though. I trust him.

I am not very good with my anger management. Mostly, it takes a great deal to piss me off but once I am there then all my wits about me disappear. I am never the aggressor.

I have a good and decent relationship with my children. Rarely, do we argue any more than just a small "tiff" even with my teenagers.

I dont argue with my parents and I will avoid that all costs.

I dont argue with my siblings.

I rarely have conflict with friends, co-workers, or classmates.

I will argue for arguments sake but mostly just to have a good debate. By the way, I lost the argument about the buffalo, sadly. lol

However, my second husband I had a down right horrid relationship. I can tell you that no physical confrontation that we had did I ever win but I never went down without a good fight.

My first husband was like trying to argue with a nail on the wall. I could never get anything good or bad out of him.
 
#26 ·
I don't deal with it. I store it up and become increasingly depressed, but I don't show that either. Why bother? No one would understand if I tried to explain it to them, nor would they make me feel better. There's only one person I know who would, and she's far, far away.
 
#27 ·
How do you deal with conflict?I don't look for it but if it arises I'll face it with no hesitation

What are most of your conflicts about? backing up/defending the people I love, myself or my opinions

Do you go out of your way to avoid conflict? Nope I prefer to face it once and for all than avoid it and play hide ans seek with it because eventually it will get to me.

What tips or lessons have you learned that have improved your ability to deal with conflict? really assess what is being said and the situation to see if it is really worth it or not, if we or our love ones have more to lose or more to win out of it, sometimes the consequences of giving the opponent a "victory" are better than proving we were right.

Any other random ENFP thoughts about conflict? as said @viva this as more to do with enneagram than mbti imo
 
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