[Assassin]

This is something I noticed about myself in my previous relationship which used to concern me. When I was arguing with my ex, and got to a certain point of anger, I would not be able to tell him I loved him, or show in any way that he meant anything to me. I would just feel very cold towards him and even if he had upset me I would feel like I automatically made it impossible to show I was hurt by crying or whatever, whereas he would never hide that I could hurt him and quite often would cry if an argument got serious enough. For him, no matter how angry he felt he could still know for sure that he loved me and be able to say it, but my feelings of love would temporarily seem to disappear until I calmed down.

We argued a lot, many of my needs went unfulfilled in that relationship, we weren't compatible and I was also suffering from severe depression so this might not be anything to do with my being an ENFP, but I wanted to ask if other ENFPs have experienced this at all? I'm trying to get my head around the concept of Fi and it seems that this might be connected to that?

:-)

[chimeric]

That's interesting. My behavior much more closely mirrors that of your ex, but I have a tendency of experiencing anger sort of weirdly, often blaming myself for it while I'm feeling it or otherwise repressing it. Usually I'll hold onto it without expressing it in the hopes that I'll either sort it out or realize it wasn't a big deal to begin with. If that's going on, I'll usually just be quiet and awkward -- a little frozen. When I do finally express it, I've rehearsed the conversation so much in my head that my words are usually pretty diplomatic, but physically I'll probably look sad/distraught.

If it's really bad, like probably beyond hope bad, they'll get curtness/avoidance.

[MuChApArAdOx]

When you're in a blind rage or at the point of having so much anger built up inside, love is not something you're feeling at that moment. Hate isn't the word either. The word is probably resentment, or bitter. Everyone shows their disapointment differently and to different extents. Not being able to show love in those moments shows the disappointment you're feeling, this by no accound didn't mean the love wasn't still there, it only means your anger took over and wouldn't allow that to be exposed. During these moments Fi can become stubburn and selfish, kind of like " I'll show you "..but keep in mind that our ego can get the best of us at times. You may do this purposely during anger, withhold the love as a payback, or something you know will hurt the other person. This doesn't make you a bad person either, emotions can run high during heated arguements, we sometimes do/say things we regret. You're human, we are flawed and make mistakes.

[Oleas]

When I'm arguing with friends, I feel an internal debate between wanting to make things right (letting them know this won't affect my friendship) and getting my point across. I usually just lose myself in the argument and try to make things okay later after I've calmed down.

[dellai]

During the debate I'm not able to argue back and start a stupid smiling game until I can't cope with the anger anymore and I want to run away. Which I do most of the time.

[liza_200]

When you're in a blind rage or at the point of having so much anger built up inside, love is not something you're feeling at that moment. Hate isn't the word either. The word is probably resentment, or bitter. Everyone shows their disapointment differently and to different extents. Not being able to show love in those moments shows the disappointment you're feeling, this by no accound didn't mean the love wasn't still there, it only means your anger took over and wouldn't allow that to be exposed. During these moments Fi can become stubburn and selfish, kind of like " I'll show you "..but keep in mind that our ego can get the best of us at times. You may do this purposely during anger, withhold the love as a payback, or something you know will hurt the other person. This doesn't make you a bad person either, emotions can run high during heated arguements, we sometimes do/say things we regret. You're human, we are flawed and make mistakes.

Exactly, this often happens with me, I never knew this was also an ENFP trait..