[ENFP] ENFP dating advice

ENFP dating advice

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This is a discussion on ENFP dating advice within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; So I've never really dated because whenever I can see a reason why I wouldn't work out with someone I ...

  1. #1
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    ENFP dating advice

    So I've never really dated because whenever I can see a reason why I wouldn't work out with someone I become uninterested.

    But now I've finally met someone who "passes the test". The problem is that we work together. I can't help but live in the future and think about breaking up.

    I'll admit I act like a total girl after a break up. I cry, I make things a bigger deal than they are, etc. It would take WAY longer to get over him seeing him every day and especially because of my tendencies.

    I am just not someone who could do it gracefully.



    So what do you guys think I should do?



  2. #2
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    You already have preconceived thoughts about what will happen. Maybe you should just go with the flow instead. Thinking about what may or may not happen will only drive yourself crazy. You're not giving yourself or him a chance, because you've already convinced yourself what might happen in the future.

    I do agree however that dating in the work place can end up a nightmare. Personally it wouldn't be for me. When i was dating i kept work and relationships separate. This doesn't mean it will be this way for you. If you think you're mature enough to handle a possible break up during your time working with this guy, then yes, go for it. If not, i would give it some thought.
    legallyblonde502, Iselia and Ace Face thanked this post.

  3. #3
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I am wondering how long this test was? and how thorough was it?

    I would proceed cautiously since you already know what a bad outcome will look like.

    Anyway... I am assuming you are saying you have been dating this guy and you are ready to take it to the bf/gf relationship stage, cause Idk of people crying after dating someone....

    I think.. based on your reaction to breaking up, you need to set a standard of how long and how much you should know (about) a person before you get in a relationship. or you will end up doing this a bit too often.

    And another thing that puzzles me is.. what is the big difference between dating (which I assume is during "the test") and relationships (which is after the test)? What kind of emotional investments are there that causes you to react like this?

    Maybe you should think about that and it will help you to adjust your actions.

    I dont think a person becomes your soul mate the day you decide to begin a relationship, nor the month after that, nor a year after that. And I think tears should come after losing a soul mate or being embarrassed (like being cheated on hardcore or being dumped hardcore).

  4. #4
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    I say do it. If you guys are still working together and you break up, eventually things will solve themselves. it might hurt, but it will be worth it.
    Iselia thanked this post.

  5. #5
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Some relationships go well, some go badly. ALL are an opportunity to experience, to learn, and to grow. You need to ask yourself if you choose to shut yourself off from such experiences because you MIGHT get hurt. In avoiding all such risk, you also guarantee that will circumvent all opportunity for relational bliss and pleasure.

    I've dated workmates twice. Once it ended in a breakup and the guy making an embarrassing and frightening scene at work, requiring intervention by HR. The other ended in my wonderful marriage. It' s a crapshoot.

    And that blissful marriage? It ended in heartbreak when he died from cancer, in our home, holding my hand. Was it worth it? Hell yes. Would I risk it all again, knowing the devastating outcome? Absolutely.

    Everyone risks pain and disappointment in any new relationship. Only you can decide if the blliss, at best, or growth experience at least, is one worth engaging. Personally, I would think it tragic to pass. I hope to find it again someday, despite everthing.
    legallyblonde502 and NaughyChimp thanked this post.

  6. #6
    ESFJ - The Caregivers

    I would advise against dating a co-worker especially if you like your job. No matter how great things seem now, there's always a chance for a break-up. Anything can happen. Personally, I've dated a co-worker. Being around him all the time after we broke it off was annoying as hell. I had to act as if I didn't care, as if being around him didn't bother me. I ended up having to quit that job. It was pretty ridiculous.

  7. #7
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by MuChApArAdOx View Post
    You already have preconceived thoughts about what will happen. Maybe you should just go with the flow instead. Thinking about what may or may not happen will only drive yourself crazy. You're not giving yourself or him a chance, because you've already convinced yourself what might happen in the future.

    I do agree however that dating in the work place can end up a nightmare. Personally it wouldn't be for me. When i was dating i kept work and relationships separate. This doesn't mean it will be this way for you. If you think you're mature enough to handle a possible break up during your time working with this guy, then yes, go for it. If not, i would give it some thought.
    Well... I can't see any reason why we would break up, which is very rare. I usually can make an educated guess from what bothers me about a guy in our friendship. But I don't have the feeling we're going to get married, haha.

  8. #8
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by Zster View Post
    Some relationships go well, some go badly. ALL are an opportunity to experience, to learn, and to grow. You need to ask yourself if you choose to shut yourself off from such experiences because you MIGHT get hurt. In avoiding all such risk, you also guarantee that will circumvent all opportunity for relational bliss and pleasure.

    I've dated workmates twice. Once it ended in a breakup and the guy making an embarrassing and frightening scene at work, requiring intervention by HR. The other ended in my wonderful marriage. It' s a crapshoot.

    And that blissful marriage? It ended in heartbreak when he died from cancer, in our home, holding my hand. Was it worth it? Hell yes. Would I risk it all again, knowing the devastating outcome? Absolutely.

    Everyone risks pain and disappointment in any new relationship. Only you can decide if the blliss, at best, or growth experience at least, is one worth engaging. Personally, I would think it tragic to pass. I hope to find it again someday, despite everthing.
    That was beautifully written. Thank you for your thoughtful reply :) What type was your husband?
    NaughyChimp thanked this post.

  9. #9
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Quote Originally Posted by legallyblonde502 View Post
    what do you guys think I should do?

    I can't help but live in the future and think about breaking up... I am just not someone who could do it gracefully.
    My advice would be as follows:

    If you want real results, stop being abstract
    Tomorrow is a pretty abstract idea, you have no idea that it'll even exist, let alone whether your potential relationship will succeed. However, I doubt you keep yourself awake at nights worried sick that the sun won't dawn tomorrow? If you manage to switch off your anxiety regarding the very existence of the future, then it goes to show that you are most likely consciously choosing to be "future oriented"; whereas there's only one real way to tell if your relationship will work out, and that's giving it a whirl. Of course, I'm not saying that you should abandon being prudent, obviously if there are clear warning signs, ignore them at your peril. A relationship, is like most things, but I'll use the analogy of a coin toss, it'll either land heads or tails. The question is can you accept that there are two sides to every coin and do you have the faith in yourself to overcome that fact?

    Don't underestimate yourself
    Necessity is the mother of invention and adaptation. We as people constantly invent ourselves, and adapt to what we want, where we are, and whom we are around. I used to believe that I'd be a wreck if I ever broke up, hell I even once believed that you only love once. Experience taught me different, and whilst I cannot guarantee that I walked the line with grace all the time, I have my dignity still and I have learned plenty about myself. Don't put things on a pedestal, they'll crash off them, be they people or abstract ideologies.

    When I break up, sure I do get emotional, I mourn. I lost something, but I also remember some very wise words:

    "Lover, please do not, fall to your knees,
    It's not like I believe in everlasting love
    "

  10. #10
    ENFP - The Inspirers

    Hmmm. I dated a co-worker and it was fine BUT 2 things I learned from that experience were 1) to discuss possible outcomes with him before starting anything. Eg. are you both on the same page about how quickly your co-workers will be told about the relationship (if at all)? If issues of office gossip arise, how will you two deal with it? etc. 2) Keep it a secret from your workmates, AT THE VERY LEAST for the first few months. Not only will the secretive sneaking around be sexy and exciting :) but, more important, it will allow the two of you to get through the exciting-but-tumultuous first months and see if this relationship could be worth any potential "downsides" that might stem from everyone knowing that you're dating a coworker.
    As I see it, you need to think both about preventing your personal life hurting your career prospects and your job from hurting your love life. Be protective of both!
    legallyblonde502 and thetruehell thanked this post.


 
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