| || |
This is a discussion on Questions for NON-ENFPs to answer within the ENFP Forum - The Inspirers forums, part of the NF's Temperament Forum- The Dreamers category; Originally Posted by KC What do you do to get and hold the attention of an ENFP? Aside from tackling ...
With an ENFP I know we don't talk very often because I'm really quiet, but I love how it's always like we have a second conversation going on between our eyes. I didn't even know this was possible until last year.
I guess you protect each other in different ways.
The only person who has ever been able to "read" me was my INFJ best friend. We have actually had some pretty intense arguments about this. I think this stems from the fact that; actually...I can also read her behaviour/emotions very well (We are very close...it took a very long time for her to open up enough for me to be able to do this. Twas a real challenge!) The difference is; while she will make a direct...accurate judgement about certain behaviour...I will, instead...consider all the possibilities. This often results in me concluding that the person is actually good, deep down inside....which is kinda dangerous when you're dealing with psychopaths/deluded narcissistic types...yeah I learnt things the hard way.
ps- but it also means that I generally like EVERYONE. Nobody really intimidates me....you're all playful puppies (even ENTJS)
However; unhealthy ENFPS are not so easy...in fact; I think they can be very dangerous-because their intuition can lead to all forms of nasty manipulation if not used correctly (from my own personal experience- this is all theoretical anyhow. I don't like to see you as an 'INTJ'...you are just another human like me...just maybe a little bit less openly eccentric )
Anyway- there is good and bad in us all. I think ENFPS kinda ripen with age. We learn through 'experience'...we have to feel, and to live...in order to understand. But once we get there...we can become quite wonderfully inspiring little creatures (and we also have AMAZING stories to tell about our adventures as well!)
There is some truth (at least from my own experience) that I have; as you put it- disregarded my real potential for improving my life.
Drugs have sometimes played a part in this - at least they did when I was younger. I spent a large amount of my early late teens/early twenties living in squats around the country; taking drugs (mainly hallucinogenics...because I love creating crazy worlds and going on adventures )...generally living, what some may define as a, 'hedonistic' lifestyle. I wasted a lot of money...I damaged my body...and I more often than not; I got myself into potentially very dangerous situations.
I'm not like that now. I'm actually a very 'successful' person (at least...successful in the way that others may define it...we all have our different views) - I guess I've calmed down somewhat as I've got older.
Throughout the process of 'calming-down' ...and I suppose; 'Finding myself'...I actually became very depressed and reclusive. I felt this incredible guilt at having wasted my potential. I became very dark, pessimistic, and cynical person. I began to think more logically and rationally. (NOTE: I am NOT saying that being rational or logical is bad...this is just part of my story )
Jeez. This is typical...I got halfway through the story and my mind has wandered...and now I'm thinking of something else...HAHA
okay...Please bare with me people!
I'm not entirely sure how it happened- because its actually still happening...
But I eventually decided to start listening to my heart again. An example of this: I eventually went back to university after all my crazy years of adventures...and had the idea almost forced upon me that I should go into Law. (I know what you're thinking....hilarious, right?! )
I actually flirted with this idea for ages...and finally managed to talk myself into doing it (As we ENFPS do). Now, I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that there was no reason why I could not have have done this. I don't believe in saying...oh well, sorry I can't- My attention span is too short, etc,etc ...etc. I just eventually got to a point where I realised it really wasn't for me. I wasn't happy....it's not what my heart was telling me to do...
And so; I decided instead to become a teacher.
I believe...that I would have never reached this point of personal understanding; had I not experienced all my crazy adventures beforehand.
I live, learn, feel, and understand through- experience.
So, instead of seeing this as time wasted...I now choose to see it as a journey of self-discovery that has enabled me to grow and become the person I am today.
But this is just my story.
and I also realise that I just went off on some massive tangent
For example, I don't have many friends in my life right now. I have one friend (an ENFJ) who moved away to college. Everytime I talk to her she tells me what I'm doing wrong in my life and why I'm not getting anywhere. Which is frustrating but at the same time, she encourages me in a way to follow the big impossible dreams I have in a realistic way because that's what she does.
Then I have an ENFP friend who lives very close to me and I have the opportunity to do things with her more often and make more friends. But she's all about experience and she treats her life like what I described. She wants to go to college, she wants to get a job, she wants to get her license...basic things like that. But instead she decides to smoke and have fun with friends. And that's all well and good. I think she's an amazing person and very fun to be around. But I won't involve myself to much in that because I know I won't be helping myself if I do. And I want to help her, but I'd also be bringing myself down in the process. At some point she can only help herself. I'll be the one brought down. My life isn't in a good time for certain experiences. I'd only be using fun or drugs as a way of dealing with personal problems. When I'm at a healthy comfortable state in my life. I'll be down for all the fun and experience in the world. But right now I need experience in school and work to make money and be happy. (Sad how those relate, huh?)
Apologies for the babbling, but I appreciated your post. I'm glad you found what made you happy.=D I hope my friend can do the same.=]]
2. One need merely flaunt their dominant Ni to get the attention of an ENFP. They're attracted to Ni types like moths to the flame :D
As for holding their attention... keep it interesting with an air of mystery.
3. Look for: teasing, eye contact, physical proximity, body language. INFJs don't like initiating contact, so they're more likely to send subtle hints that we expect will be easily picked up on by you guys.
4. Don't be mean! Be serious when it's needed. Try to be a bit more organized.
And, ENFPs aren't often mean... are we?
Yikes...haven't I have't even got to my FIRST point and I've aready used TWO smiley-robot-faces...MUWHAHAHA. Sorry...too much coffee. Apparently.
Let us first of all just get rid of all this 'Type' poppycock for a moment...shall we? Just for fun?!
Regardless of whether we are ENFPS, INTJS, INFPS, whatevers... (and...any OTHER creatures of the night that are lurking out there...muwhahah...I can SENSE you )
...so much of these 'things' or 'issues' we talk about....are particulary influenced by one major factor: Life experience and maturity.
As an ENFP I could sit here and attempt to 'uncover' the reasons why your particular ENFP friend acts the way she (or he) does. But it doesn't really mean anything. Because....she is her own person...she is going on her own journey....she will evetunally reach her own 'understanding' through her own experiences....
(Note: experience is not just about going out and taking loads of LSD, or for that matter, reading about it in a book, or an online forum... It's not just physical experiences....there are many diferent types)
ANYWAY (I'm at risk of loosing the plot here again...)
I realise you care for and are clearly trying to look out for your friend. The only 'advice' I could offer here (and I'm always unsure of offering 'advice' with such complex matters) is that....if she really is an ENFP...whatever rabbit holes she happens to stumble down on her journeys....she will more than likely find away to pull herself back up into 'reality'
We are made of pretty tough things....people underestimate the exterior fluffyness
It's good that you are willingly listening to the guidance of others. It really is so important for us all to try and gain knew understanding through our interactions with people who are different to us.
"If what unites us, matter more than what divides us....then why are we STILL so divided?"
Let's all embrace our beautiful differences and learn from each other people!!!!!
one last point.
Some of us mature later than others....us late 'blossomers' ...I am certainly one of these 'types.' Don't be too impatient in your wishes for your loved ones to develop and reach their 'potential'
some of us taker a little bit longer....
but trust me; when we get there....
IT'S SO WORTH IT!!!!!!