[Anuh]

So I need some ENFP help! Because y'all be so amazing.



My ex and I broke up a little under a month ago. It took me a really long and hard time to get over him, but I'm at this point where I'm starting to feel good about life again. I'm excited about new things unrelated to relationships (traveling, volunteering, school) and I'm rekindling old friendships that I neglected when I was with my ex. Then I think back onto our relationship and I think, "I'm glad it ended. He was so bad for me."

I'm all about CLEAN BREAKS. I don't want a friendship after the relationship and I don't want to be associated with him AT ALL anymore. I think it might be a pride thing--in the relationship, I tried harder and I fell in love. He never loved me back. He also made me feel bad about myself. Made my jealousy feel unjustified (he had a female friend he referred to as honey, but he said I should understand since they've been calling each other that before he met me) and always placed me last (he put partying, alcohol, his clubs and friends first and then said I was too clingy because I'd get upset). So being friends with him would just be a reminder of all of that. No thanks, mister.

I want to start feeling better about myself and to get past this! But every time I see him on facebook (I blocked any newsfeed updates from him, but I still see his name pop up on fb chat and he sometimes "likes" my friend's statuses), I get that icky yucky feeling at the pit of my stomach. I also want to delete all his friends, including his friends (yes, this means the girl he calls honey. She calls him honey too btw), but that'll make me look like a beezy! I don't hate them, I just don't want to see them.

But I know he'll call me immature if I do that. Again, it's the pride speaking. And that's too "extreme." Man, I hate facebook. It makes breakups so much harder to get over.

Sorry for the long message! But how would you guys handle this situation?

[little infinity]

It's not immature, honestly. You have no intention to keep in touch with those people, right? Then there's no point in having them as your Facebook friends. I am the same way-- I require a clean break. It's even a little bit awkward to still be Facebook friends with people you only knew through your ex and will never speak to again. And if you'll never speak to them again, it doesn't matter what they think about you deleting them... since you'll never know. And honestly? They probably won't even notice. I think people from my past delete me all the time and it doesn't even become a blip on my radar screen because I don't think about them enough to look them up or notice they are absent from my already cluttered newsfeed. :p

So basically, my advice is to do it!

[Ace Face]

It's not immature, honestly. You have no intention to keep in touch with those people, right? Then there's no point in having them as your Facebook friends. I am the same way-- I require a clean break. It's even a little bit awkward to still be Facebook friends with people you only knew through your ex and will never speak to again. And if you'll never speak to them again, it doesn't matter what they think about you deleting them... since you'll never know. And honestly? They probably won't even notice. I think people from my past delete me all the time and it doesn't even become a blip on my radar screen because I don't think about them enough to look them up or notice they are absent from my already cluttered newsfeed. :p

So basically, my advice is to do it!

I agree with this.

[Anuh]

That's true. I really should. I think it's an ego thing too though. I don't want him to think he got to me enough that I'd need to block him and his friends. I told him once that he shouldn't be bothered if I ignore him when I run into him. He said that I was "middle-school," a statement that really got my blood boiling. Just because I don't see things eye to eye with him, I'm somehow immature.

And a few of his friends would be nice enough to say hi to me if I run into them. It's a bit awkward to get into the topic of, "so why did you delete me?"

Dang it, I should just deactivate my facebook. But they're so dang addictive.

But yes, I think I will take your advice and delete them... after a month or so though when things have died down. Thanks!

[marchhare]

If you want to give yourself a little bit of cover, you can always post a status saying you went through and deleted "people from the past you don't talk to anymore". I see these periodically on my newsfeedç

[Finaille]

If people seriously get that caught up over you deleting him, then they have some serious issues IMO. Do what is best for you; if deleting makes the break cleaner, than press than button and say buh-bye :).

[rbonk]

I don't know why you're weighing it up. if he bothers you get him off your fb. if his friends bother you then get rid of them too. if they don't like then why do you care?

its obvious this guy knows how to make you mad and is very good at it.

[Anuh]

I don't know why you're weighing it up. if he bothers you get him off your fb. if his friends bother you then get rid of them too. if they don't like then why do you care?

its obvious this guy knows how to make you mad and is very good at it.

I over think situations because I hate awkwardness. I'm really bad at handling them. I guess you can say I want to handle a situation by making it as less awkward as possible.

And that's true, I do let him get to me, something I'll have to learn to get past over time. But we were in a relationship once so I don't see how that's uncommon. But it's not that he makes me mad as much as I get very emotional about everything. Everything bothers me. You can tell me to "get over it," but that's how I am and most likely, I'm not going to change.

It's good to hear that you don't let things bother you as I let things bother me, but I guess that just makes us two different people. But I thank you for your blunt honesty.

[Master Wolf]

I delete people that I wouldnt' readily have a conversation with, or that wouldn't readily have a conversation with me.

If they get offended by it, oh well, but why did they want to have me as a friend if we couldn't talk?

I just don't get it, but they never say anything, and if they did, I'd just say its because we don't talk.

What, do we have weird fetishes where we want to be able to go keep tabs on people???

Its weird!!!!

Why not have us all put some webcams up in our houses too for live feed and share partners!

EWw! (well not eww but you know what im saying)

Ok fine ew.

(not ew).

ew?

[rbonk]

I over think situations because I hate awkwardness. I'm really bad at handling them. I guess you can say I want to handle a situation by making it as less awkward as possible.

And that's true, I do let him get to me, something I'll have to learn to get past over time. But we were in a relationship once so I don't see how that's uncommon. But it's not that he makes me mad as much as I get very emotional about everything. Everything bothers me. You can tell me to "get over it," but that's how I am and most likely, I'm not going to change.

It's good to hear that you don't let things bother you as I let things bother me, but I guess that just makes us two different people. But I thank you for your blunt honesty.

OK, but over-thinking this isn't going to help you. you have to decide which is worse: the "awkwardness" of removing someone from your facebook or seeing his likes in your newsfeed.