[Munyamoon]

WELLLLL, let me start off by saying we are both 17 and have been close friends for years. I got out of a 7mo relationship this summer that ended badly and really traumatized me! A few weeks later i started getting super close to my INFJ friend and gradually, we became sort of a couple. Sometimes he just gets me. We have an amazing connection, and don't need to be talking to enjoy eachother's company. It started off great; we spent loads of time together and had absolutely beautiful moments and conversations....butttt....school started. He is HORRIBLE at managing time and has ZERO time for himself, let alone me. He basically gave me an ultimadum; go back to just being friends, or deal with it. I refuse either of these options! I love him too much to let him go, but i love me too much to "deal with it." We are both stubborn as hell, and cant seem to find a solution. He brought up that i wasnt quite over or healed from my ex a while ago, and he was right. I still miss him, but lately i have actually gotten at least 75% over him. That has released so much pressure from me as well. My biggest problems with him (INFJ) are lack of affection, insensitivity at times, and the fact that he cant seem to put me anywhere near the top of his priority list. His problems with me (ENFP) are that i am way too moody, needy, and am dependent on him for my own happiness. We have talked alottt, and I am working hard to adjust to his 'neglect,' but it isn't really making me happy, and I know we ARE capable of being happy.

HELP! I know I am young, but I also know that the connection we have is almost unreal! What can we do to meet eachother's needs?

[MegaTuxRacer]

WELLLLL, let me start off by saying we are both 17 and have been close friends for years. I got out of a 7mo relationship this summer that ended badly and really traumatized me! A few weeks later i started getting super close to my INFJ friend and gradually, we became sort of a couple. Sometimes he just gets me. We have an amazing connection, and don't need to be talking to enjoy eachother's company. It started off great; we spent loads of time together and had absolutely beautiful moments and conversations....butttt....school started. He is HORRIBLE at managing time and has ZERO time for himself, let alone me. He basically gave me an ultimadum; go back to just being friends, or deal with it. I refuse either of these options! I love him too much to let him go, but i love me too much to "deal with it." We are both stubborn as hell, and cant seem to find a solution. He brought up that i wasnt quite over or healed from my ex a while ago, and he was right. I still miss him, but lately i have actually gotten at least 75% over him. That has released so much pressure from me as well. My biggest problems with him (INFJ) are lack of affection, insensitivity at times, and the fact that he cant seem to put me anywhere near the top of his priority list. His problems with me (ENFP) are that i am way too moody, needy, and am dependent on him for my own happiness. We have talked alottt, and I am working hard to adjust to his 'neglect,' but it isn't really making me happy, and I know we ARE capable of being happy.

HELP! I know I am young, but I also know that the connection we have is almost unreal! What can we do to meet eachother's needs?

Are you sure he's an INFJ?

Well he gave you two choices. You accept neither, so you are in a state of limbo. To him there are only two choices for you. He is unwilling to work with you, and your relationship is falling apart. If you delay the inevitable, you're going to hurt yourself in the end. I mean, it's natural to feel this way about another person, but you're asking what "we" can do when he has already expressed that he will not accomodate you. Don't torture yourself. Relationships require both people to work, and he has chosen not to do his part. The best thing you can do is respect those wishes and do what's best for you.

[Ace Face]

I see this one of two ways:

1. You're not being very considerate of his circumstances. If he doesn't have time, he doesn't have time. Though you may know this, I'm not sure you fully understand how he could view you as being selfish in this situation. If there's nothing he can do about it, then that's that. If you really love him, then you'll deal with the cards you're dealt accordingly.

2. You're actually more in love with being in love than you are with him. Perhaps some codependency is involved as well. If you find that you need constant attention and affection, this could very well be the case. I'm not saying that it is, but it is definitely something to consider. If this is the case, then I'm sure you can get your attention fancies satisfied elsewhere.

[Munyamoon]

I suppose you are right...I hold on too long. The thing is the flame isnt quite gone, just suppressed b external factors (or so i choose to believe) Do you think there is a compromise he would be willing to make? He is the most amazing guy if he wants to be, its just making him want to be that is the biggest problem.

[Munyamoon]

That is mostly true. I am absolutely in love with being in love! I actually do work with him on the time thing. I know he cant do much about time, and I know that he must have time for himself. Only if he is happy, satisfied, and loves himself, can he extend that love to me...I just dont know if he wants to put forth the effort for anyone but himself...we are young

[Ace Face]

The fact that your willing to consider what can be perceived as harsh truths speaks volumes about your character and willingness to grow. You should stick around the forums even after this issue is resolved ;) I like you.

Also, another thought, this may be his bat signal for "I need some space." We ENFP have a tendency to be a bit overwhelming to our partners... especially at your age. It might not mean that he doesn't like/love you, but perhaps he's letting you know that the whole space thing has really pushed him to his limit. He's introverted; he needs space. He might not be able to handle 24/7 ENFPness. Maybe it would do you well to pull back on the reigns a bit and realize that you don't have to spend all THAT much time with him. Give him some room to breathe :P

[Munyamoon]

Urggg of course you are correct...I do try, but it is so hard to keep myself happy and give him space!!! AHHHH! I consider myself a loner actually which is sort of odd considering how clingy i find myself at times! Any ideas for occupying my thoughts? I have my hobbies, but they are mainly artistic and let my brain wander too much! need something to i guess concentrate...I have been focusing alot on meditation also!

[Ace Face]

Urggg of course you are correct...I do try, but it is so hard to keep myself happy and give him space!!! AHHHH! I consider myself a loner actually which is sort of odd considering how clingy i find myself at times! Any ideas for occupying my thoughts? I have my hobbies, but they are mainly artistic and let my brain wander too much! need something to i guess concentrate...I have been focusing alot on meditation also!

Perhaps try something new. I like to try new things until I feel I've become the best. One thing I never get any better at, mostly because I have no real desire to, is pool x) Go shoot some pool with some buddies. Laugh, have a good time, and explore who you are. Your relationship shouldn't define you ;)

[Munyamoon]

I WILL! I have been neglecting friends now that i think of it! I will definitely have to get out some more soon!

[Ace Face]

I WILL! I have been neglecting friends now that i think of it! I will definitely have to get out some more soon!

If you want to talk about this any time in the future, seriously, private message me and we'll chat away :) Welcome to the forums, by the way! Here's your welcome balloon: ~O

:D

Good luck to you, sweetness!