Self confidence... should NEVER depend on anything external. That has to come from within - then no one can take it away from you, period. I also learned that the hard way. You're way too dependent on others for your self confidence in that case... and not only is that a terrible idea, it scares people away.
I just know how I used to feel was terrible since I had no idea how to attract the ladies, so I hate when someone comes on here and says that "ENFP men are all hopeless." I used to think that... then I let go of that because it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What I learned to do was just relax and... yeah just tease the hell out of every girl which I'm surprisingly really good at and they love it. It's actually so natural to me now, I barely notice it. Sometimes I tease TOO much lol, but who cares because I'm doing me and I love me.
For many people, self confidence does come with age regardless of type.
I have a few theories:
1) We are so possibility driven and have such a hard time narrowing outcomes that we see a lot of negative outcomes that are very, very unlikely. This makes it harder to approach a girl because an ENFP male may give it way too much thought. Honestly, I still RARELY approach, most girls that I know have approached me or I've met them thru someone else. I am getting better at it.
2) Again, we're so analytical and live in our heads so much that we see all of our flaws and have a hard time accepting them. We strive for perfection in ourselves... yet can't find it. Accept your flaws. Change what you can change, don't worry about what you can't.
3) We're different from others... that goes without say. This makes us uncomfortable growing up. We may have been subject to bullying or being left out or whatever it may be - this stays with us til we realize that... maybe it's a good different. No, maybe it's an amazing different. It IS an amazing different. A healthy male ENFP? Talk about PERFECTION.
The older I get (and I'm only in my early early 20s right now), the more confidence I gain. The more I realize what I'm worth. The more people radiate towards me... you just have to learn to be comfortable with you are. You need to develop your charm... and one day it'll be very normal to you.
Also - I'm not sure about any other ENFP males, but I do not come off as an NF to the real world. I come off as a cold and calculated NT - always have. The Fi is introverted... more of a set of personal values than emotions. Our Ne and Te are extroverted... and I think the best someone explained it is... we're social philosophers. I'm almost scared of myself now a days... because I know exactly what to say to a girl (or anyone for that matter) to elicit the right response. You'll get there. Be patient... keep reading. This forum was a huge reason I have made it THIS far. I've had girls say they don't like me and I used to take offense, now I'm just like well.... *ahem* leave me alone then buddy. 9 times out of 10 they just want me even more lol.
Also great advice by @
Bumblyjack ... he hit it on the nail. When a girl tries to make me feel like I just did something wrong, I don't even care. In fact, my theory is that it's a test by most women to see if you are man enough to stand up for yourself - whether conscious or subconscious, who knows. But you know what? If she doesn't like something about me, she can walk away because I LOVE LOVE LOVE who I am and will never change it. Learn to love yourself.