[CupcakeQueen]

I just met this REALLY cool guy who is like a great person. He likes some of the things I do, we like to do some of the same things, we communicate really well. But the only thing is: I don't find him physically attractive. I know there are SO many guys out there & I don't wanna jump into anything, but I feel like I would be settling if I just jumped into a relationship with him. I feel it's important to find whoever you're with physically attractive in SOME way, but with him I just don't. Would you guys ever date someone you weren't attracted to?



P.S. Sorry for the long post!

[zadude]

I personally do not, but it's really up to you.... my thinking is that I shouldn't settle for less on an intimate relationship. I usually end up making them a very close friend in those cases.

[MissyMaroon]

That's up to you. I wouldn't settle for less. Usually, if I like someone, I like all there is I can find and see about them, including physical appearance. I usually find them attractive if I already like them, so pretty convenient on my end. But why would you be with someone whom you couldn't say you love everything about?

It also wouldn't be fair to that person knowing you don't find them attractive, it certainly doesn't ease whatever insecurities they have about themselves and knowing you aren't fully satisfied in every aspect of the relationship. If this kind of thing didn't matter to you, you would be able to say your partner still looks good to you. If you can't even say that, why bother?

You deserve someone who you can love with a full heart in whichever way you look at them, and they deserve someone who will make them feel beautiful.

[MuChApArAdOx]

No, i wouldn't. There has to be some form of physical attraction( Chemistry) in order to move to the next level. You should be attracted to him physically, emotionally, sexually, mentally, and if you're spiritual, spiritually. Unless your just looking for a one night stand that is, which is perfectly o.k in my books ;)

Chemistry is the first sign of attraction. This is not to say that over time you won't feel chemistry. Maybe once you have deeper meaningful conversations with him you might say" hey, there is something about this guy i find really attractive. Physical looks aren't everything. Besides, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Then again this may have already happened, and you still feel nothing. We can't make ourselves feel attraction for others, it has to be natural. We can only make ourselves attractive to other people.

[Tridentus]

there has to be physical attraction, sometimes when you find out how great someone's personality is they are somehow much more physically attractive, but unless this happens.. nada.

when i was younger i had a flirt-buddy, she'd always lay her head on my shoulder, we'd lie together to watch movies, even held hands once in the dark woods; and at a stretch i could have imagined being with her (tbf, even though i didn't find her physically attractive there was a physical chemistry within our touch) but it would have been more of a comfort thing than anything else- basically the same relationship just with sex.

[Zster]

there has to be physical attraction, sometimes when you find out how great someone's personality is they are somehow much more physically attractive, but unless this happens.. nada.

Such was going to be MY answer as well. I wont seek a relationship with anyone who I am not physically attracted to. However, in some circumstances, a person can initially not be physically attractive to me, then I get to know something more about him, a certain manner, way he speaks, sense of humor, which I DO find attractive, then I consequently find him MORE attractive physically.

That is a shortcoming of online dating - based on still photos: too much is lacking... how he sounds, his mannerisms, confidence, etc... which combined could render an average guy much more attractive or, conversely, a seemingly handsome guy less so.

[Finaille]

Personal attraction does not always indicate shallow behavior, if that is what your fear is. I'd suggest keep being friend with him for now and see if anything actually develops in time... but I would not force the issue nor feel bad if I were in your position.

Looks shouldn't completely influence your ability to date an individual; however, if you don't have any attraction... that's totally ok. I had some crushes on a few guys and after a few dates I turned down many because of lack of chemistry/physical attraction. It's just one of those things that you don't really get over if it never really develops in my opinion. That isn't to say it could change over time. When my current boyfriend and I just met, I wouldn't have pegged him as somebody I would be physically attracted to but now I think he's sexy as hell *eyebrow wiggle*. The more I get to see his awesomeness, the more attractive he becomes. I actually liked him first, but it took me like five months of being friends before I developed the attraction.

Now if this person likes you and asks why you don't want to date them, I wouldn't make them feel bad by saying your only restraint was physical attractiveness.

[Moby]

You know I thought I was going to be in the minority here. That my fellow ENFPs would be caught up in the romance of sharing so much with another person "To hell with the looks, it's my soulmate!" is a quote I expected to see here.

Turns out I'm with the majority.

I'm an ENFP but physical attraction is really important to me. To me it's part of the romance, that I'm chasing a beauty inside and out. Sorry! But not really, if that offends anyone. I'm a confidant ENFP and my N.e. side is well-honed, sometimes too much for my liking! But it allows me to charm people and I enjoy doing it. Most of my life it just seeps out naturally, but I do try a force-fed blast of effortless N.e. when I've got someone in my sights. Which is somewhat rare, since I don't get to the true "like" stage with many girls at all...Since I'm picky about personality more than looks.

[NaughyChimp]

I wouldn't date someone I wasn't attracted to but I've also known plenty of men who I wasn't attracted to initially but then found very sexy after getting to know them.

[Essay]

there has to be physical attraction, sometimes when you find out how great someone's personality is they are somehow much more physically attractive, but unless this happens.. nada.

Oh god, and then there's when it happens the other way around!