You know, as I have tried to explain before, I am angered by the comfort we give the one who has lost the person they gave their love. The comfort given is mostly of the character that the one now gone, is most probably not truly meant for you, why else has s/he gone away? We are encouraged to believe that there will be a far better suited person waiting for us, near the horizon.
How nice and hopeful this may sound, I have never believed it, because I don't believe in the prince on the white horse, there is no true love. Love is an emotion, a powerful one, that can appear between people given the right circumstances, the right timing. One must be open to love, in order to receive it, and, one can only be loved, as one loves [another]. In respect to the fairy tales, myself, I do believe in love, it is the highest good in my life. And since I have tasted its powerful force, love has become an addiction. The desire requires me to give heed to the needs to love and be loved. Or will I be able to purge myself free of it?
What I am saying is, despite how strong an emotion, love is, love is also a choice, but not necessarily a conscious one. Early on in my relationship I have talked with my love about commitment. In fact, I am a supporter of early marriage, because I believe that when you marriage out of free will, you have the foundation necessary for a loving relationship. My girlfriend, however, she disagreed. Explaining that years into a relationship, things may have changed, you may have discovered your partner's true flaws, and you have come to realize that they don't work with you. You begin failing to love someone, and when that happens, it is necessary that one can divorce, and find someone new. No you must first experiment a lot, and only when you have grown old and wise, you can make such a commitment to another.
Oh, I can understand the perspective all right. In our current time, individualism is high valued, your personal happiness comes first, because when you are unhappy, how ever can you bestow happiness upon others? As you may have guessed, our disagreement was never solved, in fact, I believe that the reason we have separated has its roots in a difference of opinion about this very topic. In my opinion when somebody fails to love another, it has nothing to do with the other, but, has everything to do with themselves, and their own commitment to love.
I have heard enough stories from people who like me, who don't know why their relationship ended, or just have been given vague clues, and this or that, may have contributed to the separation. But I know now, that if one of the parties fails to give up their commitment, it is most likely that the other party didn't had that same level of commitment. And please mind the subtle difference here, I am not saying that the other person didn't loved you, but I am saying that they are not committed to show you the required affection. There is neither shallow nor true love, what there is, is love. And I hope by sharing it, you can see it too.
I say to all of you, your ex loves you, no matter how often they will deny it, act cold and aloof. They will love you, simply because they have loved you, remembering the warm experiences you shared together, the feelings of love you exchanged. But also you have to recognize that they are moving on, they seek another person whom they believe will give them the happiness they are after, happiness you couldn't give. Failing to see, that happiness is created together. Also it is not socially accepted for them to keep showing you their affection, and that is also the reason why you are always told by people no to remain affectionate yourself. Why this is? Because in normally belief you can only love one person, would you do otherwise, it could be considered cheating. And how can you keep love for a person, when you seek another one to love.
I'll say honestly, I am preaching that people let go of that fear, that there can be only one, to love. In return, I am suggesting that when you start believing, as some people already have done so and remain doing so, loving someone romantically doesn't require you at all to have sexual intercourse or the like. Free yourselves, and stay or become affectionate (again) on a together decided appropriate level, remain at all times loving towards each other. Reconnect, although your ways of affection may have changed, feel love again. As all great teachers already have said before, love is the only answer to fear.
And next time, commit yourselves.
In hope this is relevant to you, for typing it, has made it relevant to me. Thank you for reading.