Hello wonderful people! I'm an INFP through and through, and I might start off by saying that you guys are one of my favorite types ever--I tend to enjoy you in platonic, romantic, and pedagogical relationships!
The discussion I'm attempting to open has nothing to do with myself, actually. I'm just fascinated by a possibly romantic dynamic between two people that I've been witnessing at work for the past two years, and although I'm not particularly close with either of them, they're my co-workers and I have an inexplicable desire to figure out whether or not what I'm seeing and speculating is accurate at all.
Here is the situation. There is a 28 year old ENFP guy and a 25 year old ESFJ girl who have been working very closely with each other in collaboration on a long-term project for more than two years now (they see each other every day). They're extremely close and good friends, have wonderful and genuine rapport, are incredibly flirty with each other (I do understand that both ESFJs and ENFPs tend to flirt with everyone though), and enjoy touching each other playfully. I've noticed sometimes that they can't seem to stop smiling when they're around each other, and honestly, it's quite adorable. I'm obviously not around them all the time, but I see their Tweets to each other (they did it a lot more when she was single, not as much now), and during group settings when we hang out (which is pretty frequently), I've observed them to the best of my ability. The body language is pretty incredible--for the first half year or so, the ENFP was either quite nervous and fidgety (and a little introverted) around the ESFJ, or else he was extremely flirty in an over-eager extent, and the ESFJ would look at him like he hung the moon. They mirrored each other a lot too, in action and in speech. Last year, I think they had an argument (no clue as to what it was about) and were awkward for a couple of days, but they've moved on since then.
Now, I'm going to provide some context--some of which is speculation on my part. I highly suspect that within the first six to eight months of knowing each other, they came to develop some kind of feelings for each other, but were never in a committed relationship--I'm not even sure if they came out and confessed their feelings for each other. They went on a few casual, hang-out dates with each other, and rumor has it that when someone asked him if they were dating, he kind of shrugged it off jokingly without denying it. My speculation is that the ENFP, while feeling something for the ESFJ, wanted more time to figure out whether or not he was ready to commit. Meanwhile, the ESFJ, who had been hanging out with another guy (I believe an ESTP), took it as a sign that he wasn't fully interested in her, and began dating the ESTP. While they remained good friends, I definitely sensed some tension between them after that, and the ENFP really seemed hurt--when he found out that the ESFJ was getting serious with the ESTP, he told another co-worker who asked him if they were an item (yet again) in a not-so-joking-anymore manner that they were just friends because they were "too different" (which is not untrue), which struck me as really odd and out-of-character for him, especially because he's the type who prefers his options open. Anyway, a few weeks later, our boss confronted all of us and sternly advised us against seeking relationships with our co-workers, and that was that. No one has broken the rule thus far.
Now, while they're not nervous around each other anymore, the ENFP spends as much time with her as possible, and he's very much aware of her presence. Although the ENFP definitely flirts with pretty much all the girls (myself included, haha), it seems like he tends to make it a point to single out the ESFJ in a group setting for extra attention; and while the ESFJ displays affection towards everyone, she laughs so freely around him, and you can tell her appreciation for him runs deeply; they're just extremely comfortable around each other. They talk about each other a lot, and when the ENFP is talking to me, he always praises her, very sincerely, on a professional level. Sometimes, though, they'll go to their own corner of the room, and I see him touching her hair and her holding his hand. All in all, there are times when their dynamic strikes me as platonic and times when the chemistry is quietly electric--moving, even. Oh, and I don't see the ESTP boyfriend around a lot, but when he has been there for something, the ENFP is either absent or doesn't interact with him, mostly just staying on his phone. So, something smells fishy. Jussayin'.
It appears to me that the ENFP is genuinely trying to move on--I'm sure he's had a few hook-ups in this past year--but still harbors feelings for this girl. Meanwhile, the ESFJ was so unsubtle about her crush on him before she started getting serious with her boyfriend and while it's not in my place to say, I can't help but feel like she settled for second best. She's extremely loyal to her SO and to her job, but she can't seem to help her adorable little self around the ENFP (and honestly, while I don't intend to judge, her boyfriend really strikes me as a douche). I'm not even sure why, but I'm really rooting for them. On the surface, they certainly don't make Barbie and Ken--the ESFJ is a bit of an exotic beauty and the ENFP is more conventionally attractive, and interests-wise, they don't quite mesh either (although I've noticed through Twitter that the ENFP attempts to acquire some of her interests at times). It seems that the online community tends to believe that ENFP-ESFJ is a recipe for disaster, but honestly, what I'm seeing is pretty real. It seems like the ENFP wasn't planning on falling for this girl, but he did (despite, her loud and her brassy, I think it's her passionate nature that he finds so attractive), much against his will. I can see a lot of the Benefactor-Beneficiary dynamic at work when they interact, and it's not nearly as one-sided as I would have expected. I truly believe they love each other on some level.
I realize I probably sound incredibly creepy, but I just find this whole thing intriguing! I'm kind of the type of girl who invents an entire story for a stranger on a bus before I get off, so...
Anyway, sorry this is so sloppily written, but I'd highly appreciate any and all comments. I'd enjoy reading your thoughts on my little theory, and I'm particularly interested in the following:
-If you have been secretly harboring feelings for someone who you must interact with on a daily basis, how would you act around her?
-Have any of you found yourself attracted to, and even in love with, someone unexpected?
-Are ENFPs likely to hold onto unresolved romantic feelings for a long time? Are they capable of it?
-If the opportunity arose that you could be with her, would you choose to pursue a romantic relationship or would you leave things as they are?
Thank you much!
The discussion I'm attempting to open has nothing to do with myself, actually. I'm just fascinated by a possibly romantic dynamic between two people that I've been witnessing at work for the past two years, and although I'm not particularly close with either of them, they're my co-workers and I have an inexplicable desire to figure out whether or not what I'm seeing and speculating is accurate at all.
Here is the situation. There is a 28 year old ENFP guy and a 25 year old ESFJ girl who have been working very closely with each other in collaboration on a long-term project for more than two years now (they see each other every day). They're extremely close and good friends, have wonderful and genuine rapport, are incredibly flirty with each other (I do understand that both ESFJs and ENFPs tend to flirt with everyone though), and enjoy touching each other playfully. I've noticed sometimes that they can't seem to stop smiling when they're around each other, and honestly, it's quite adorable. I'm obviously not around them all the time, but I see their Tweets to each other (they did it a lot more when she was single, not as much now), and during group settings when we hang out (which is pretty frequently), I've observed them to the best of my ability. The body language is pretty incredible--for the first half year or so, the ENFP was either quite nervous and fidgety (and a little introverted) around the ESFJ, or else he was extremely flirty in an over-eager extent, and the ESFJ would look at him like he hung the moon. They mirrored each other a lot too, in action and in speech. Last year, I think they had an argument (no clue as to what it was about) and were awkward for a couple of days, but they've moved on since then.
Now, I'm going to provide some context--some of which is speculation on my part. I highly suspect that within the first six to eight months of knowing each other, they came to develop some kind of feelings for each other, but were never in a committed relationship--I'm not even sure if they came out and confessed their feelings for each other. They went on a few casual, hang-out dates with each other, and rumor has it that when someone asked him if they were dating, he kind of shrugged it off jokingly without denying it. My speculation is that the ENFP, while feeling something for the ESFJ, wanted more time to figure out whether or not he was ready to commit. Meanwhile, the ESFJ, who had been hanging out with another guy (I believe an ESTP), took it as a sign that he wasn't fully interested in her, and began dating the ESTP. While they remained good friends, I definitely sensed some tension between them after that, and the ENFP really seemed hurt--when he found out that the ESFJ was getting serious with the ESTP, he told another co-worker who asked him if they were an item (yet again) in a not-so-joking-anymore manner that they were just friends because they were "too different" (which is not untrue), which struck me as really odd and out-of-character for him, especially because he's the type who prefers his options open. Anyway, a few weeks later, our boss confronted all of us and sternly advised us against seeking relationships with our co-workers, and that was that. No one has broken the rule thus far.
Now, while they're not nervous around each other anymore, the ENFP spends as much time with her as possible, and he's very much aware of her presence. Although the ENFP definitely flirts with pretty much all the girls (myself included, haha), it seems like he tends to make it a point to single out the ESFJ in a group setting for extra attention; and while the ESFJ displays affection towards everyone, she laughs so freely around him, and you can tell her appreciation for him runs deeply; they're just extremely comfortable around each other. They talk about each other a lot, and when the ENFP is talking to me, he always praises her, very sincerely, on a professional level. Sometimes, though, they'll go to their own corner of the room, and I see him touching her hair and her holding his hand. All in all, there are times when their dynamic strikes me as platonic and times when the chemistry is quietly electric--moving, even. Oh, and I don't see the ESTP boyfriend around a lot, but when he has been there for something, the ENFP is either absent or doesn't interact with him, mostly just staying on his phone. So, something smells fishy. Jussayin'.
It appears to me that the ENFP is genuinely trying to move on--I'm sure he's had a few hook-ups in this past year--but still harbors feelings for this girl. Meanwhile, the ESFJ was so unsubtle about her crush on him before she started getting serious with her boyfriend and while it's not in my place to say, I can't help but feel like she settled for second best. She's extremely loyal to her SO and to her job, but she can't seem to help her adorable little self around the ENFP (and honestly, while I don't intend to judge, her boyfriend really strikes me as a douche). I'm not even sure why, but I'm really rooting for them. On the surface, they certainly don't make Barbie and Ken--the ESFJ is a bit of an exotic beauty and the ENFP is more conventionally attractive, and interests-wise, they don't quite mesh either (although I've noticed through Twitter that the ENFP attempts to acquire some of her interests at times). It seems that the online community tends to believe that ENFP-ESFJ is a recipe for disaster, but honestly, what I'm seeing is pretty real. It seems like the ENFP wasn't planning on falling for this girl, but he did (despite, her loud and her brassy, I think it's her passionate nature that he finds so attractive), much against his will. I can see a lot of the Benefactor-Beneficiary dynamic at work when they interact, and it's not nearly as one-sided as I would have expected. I truly believe they love each other on some level.
I realize I probably sound incredibly creepy, but I just find this whole thing intriguing! I'm kind of the type of girl who invents an entire story for a stranger on a bus before I get off, so...
Anyway, sorry this is so sloppily written, but I'd highly appreciate any and all comments. I'd enjoy reading your thoughts on my little theory, and I'm particularly interested in the following:
-If you have been secretly harboring feelings for someone who you must interact with on a daily basis, how would you act around her?
-Have any of you found yourself attracted to, and even in love with, someone unexpected?
-Are ENFPs likely to hold onto unresolved romantic feelings for a long time? Are they capable of it?
-If the opportunity arose that you could be with her, would you choose to pursue a romantic relationship or would you leave things as they are?
Thank you much!