[dixxie]

Ok so I'm kinda new at this whole ENFP thing, i've always been interested in it but never jumped right in, until recently. My ISTP bf and I are at a make or break point in our relationship. Seemingly, it's my fault, because, as he says "you just dont have that spark for me anymore". We've been together almost 3 years. But after the "honeymoon" stage(which ended about a year ago give or take) things have seemed to go downhill. And recently, I have been angry, very angry, which is totally not me. I know that I love him, I just don't know what I want and it's putting a total strain on us. And he has become so clingy and needy it just pushes me farther away.

Also, I practically had to beg just to get him to take the test, his response "why do i have to do this crap?" So he gave in finally, and after reading numerous posts i can see the difference in our personalities, and alot makes sense now. His logic vs. my "ridiculous" emotion. I think I've even adapted some of his attitudes to cope with the differences, but I feel like I've lost myself in the process and now feel like I'm losing my mind.

But my question is, once it gets to the make or break point, is there anything left to salvage? Can we put the pieces back together, or is it too late? I just want to be my happy, bubbly self again.



And I do apologize for being so scattered, my mind is a train wreck at the moment. If you need any additional info, let me know. Thanks in advance.



Just to add a little info, as I said before I am new to this, but I am also new to the forums thing. I am usually not one to post personal info, but after reading the posts here, I feel so welcomed. I think this may be a Godsend. I have always been somewhat different than my family and friends, most of them think I'm crazy in my own special way ;) but it's awesome to find others that actually think like I do. So that's why I decided to post here.

[FreeBeer]

Hmm well before anyone says so otherwise..I would like to tell you that type differences can be overcome and this sort of thing will not break a relationship. It is actually beneficial because you two can understand each other better through this. ^^ sitting down and having an open constructive conversation about the problems in the relationship would help a great deal too.

It's not just you in the relationship, this is a mutual thing. Compromise on both sides is a natural part of it.

It is normal to feel like this after 3 years, isn't it? Everyone goes through this, I certainly did.

Why are you angry? You are unhappy? Why you feel like this?

By the way, how old are you and it's been 3 years o.o no marriage, do you live together?

[little infinity]

Yes, I'll agree that knowing his type will be incredibly beneficial for you. I dated an ISTP for two years and had no idea what MBTI was at the time. Now, it explains every issue we ever had.

Do you also feel that you've lost the spark? Or do you disagree with his claim?

[dixxie]

Anarchy
Well honestly the talking isn't getting us anywhere anymore. We talk, things stay the same. He doesnt seem to understand the way i feel or why. and i dont understand why or how it's so simple and black and white in his mind. And as far as compromise, he won't anymore. He says he has to get what he needs or he walks. So it's basically "my way or the highway" and neither of us seem to want to budge.

As for the anger, idk, maybe its just built up for so long.

We are both 24, we've talked about marriage, he's not exactly the get down on one knee type. He'd rather just go to the courthouse and sign a certificate than to have a wedding. And yes, we live together, actually we've lived together since we've been together, but that's another long story.

[dixxie]

vivacissimamente
Sometimes i do feel like that spark is gone, and sometimes i dont, but what is there is not as apparent as it once was. That's what makes this so difficult. It's like someone is flipping a switch on my emotions.

[marzipan01]

Ok so I'm kinda new at this whole ENFP thing, i've always been interested in it but never jumped right in, until recently. My ISTP bf and I are at a make or break point in our relationship. Seemingly, it's my fault, because, as he says "you just dont have that spark for me anymore". We've been together almost 3 years. But after the "honeymoon" stage(which ended about a year ago give or take) things have seemed to go downhill. And recently, I have been angry, very angry, which is totally not me. I know that I love him, I just don't know what I want and it's putting a total strain on us. And he has become so clingy and needy it just pushes me farther away.

Also, I practically had to beg just to get him to take the test, his response "why do i have to do this crap?" So he gave in finally, and after reading numerous posts i can see the difference in our personalities, and alot makes sense now. His logic vs. my "ridiculous" emotion. I think I've even adapted some of his attitudes to cope with the differences, but I feel like I've lost myself in the process and now feel like I'm losing my mind.

But my question is, once it gets to the make or break point, is there anything left to salvage? Can we put the pieces back together, or is it too late? I just want to be my happy, bubbly self again.

And I do apologize for being so scattered, my mind is a train wreck at the moment. If you need any additional info, let me know. Thanks in advance.



Just to add a little info, as I said before I am new to this, but I am also new to the forums thing. I am usually not one to post personal info, but after reading the posts here, I feel so welcomed. I think this may be a Godsend. I have always been somewhat different than my family and friends, most of them think I'm crazy in my own special way ;) but it's awesome to find others that actually think like I do. So that's why I decided to post here.

He wants you to shut up and be an ENFJ. I wrote a blog on similar experiences. Dating an ISTP was how I discovered that ENFJ's were the ISTP dual match and the ISTJ was the dual of ENFP. ISTJs like when ENFP are clingy, lovey-dovey, and intellectual at the same time. ISTPs just want someone to Fe connect with.

Here's a link about ISTP/ENFJ situation:
The difference between ENFJ and ENFP; ISTP/ENFJ duality - Blogs - PersonalityCafe

ISTPs use Fe whereas ENFPs use Fi here's why that's a problem:
Fe and Fi: When the Emotional Palettes Collide
P.S. don't listen to a darn thing he says about you. As you try to please him you might exhibit lots of stress as you try to change yourself. Don't change. Just leave.

[dixxie]

"If an ENFJ loves you, they will follow you to the ends of the earth requesting nothing more than to just be together. This is exactly the kind of mate that is perfect for the ISTP as they don’t particularly enjoy conversation that probes the deep recesses of the human psyche."

I love this! And, for some reason, I lol everytime i read it. Not because it's necessarily funny, but because it's so true. Actually, he even told me this, but in other words. He said he was going to get a dog to take with him everywhere, since i no longer go anywhere with him. I couldn't help but laugh at him. I asked him if thats what he wanted, a "dog" kind of companion, which is what I seemingly was at the beginning of our relationship and I have recently taken back my own sense of independence. I just can't be that shadow person anymore.

Also, your "Be Yourself" post hit home. I have been experiencing at least 6 out of the 8, if not more.

As far as leaving, it's just not that simple. I lost my job last month and all of my friends and family live 800+ miles away. Not only that, but like i said before, I do love him, i just cant be what he needs. and its making us both miserable.

[marzipan01]

"If an ENFJ loves you, they will follow you to the ends of the earth requesting nothing more than to just be together. This is exactly the kind of mate that is perfect for the ISTP as they don’t particularly enjoy conversation that probes the deep recesses of the human psyche."

I love this! And, for some reason, I lol everytime i read it. Not because it's necessarily funny, but because it's so true. Actually, he even told me this, but in other words. He said he was going to get a dog to take with him everywhere, since i no longer go anywhere with him. I couldn't help but laugh at him. I asked him if thats what he wanted, a "dog" kind of companion, which is what I seemingly was at the beginning of our relationship and I have recently taken back my own sense of independence. I just can't be that shadow person anymore.

Also, your "Be Yourself" post hit home. I have been experiencing at least 6 out of the 8, if not more.

As far as leaving, it's just not that simple. I lost my job last month and all of my friends and family live 800+ miles away. Not only that, but like i said before, I do love him, i just cant be what he needs. and its making us both miserable.

:D I'm so happy I could help! But I'm so sorry you're in that situation!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes!!
Ask somebody for money and get a plane ticket home. Seriously, girl, it's that easy. At least you don't have kids. That would make it more difficult. I had the same situation. 1,000 miles from home following an ISTP. Your friends and family will help you. I promise. Don't get murdered. Leave straight away without delay. Seriously. No offense, istps are great people and all it's just that...you know they can get angry and it's rawther frightening.

[dixxie]

:D I'm so happy I could help! But I'm so sorry you're in that situation!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes!!
Ask somebody for money and get a plane ticket home. Seriously, girl, it's that easy. At least you don't have kids. That would make it more difficult. I had the same situation. 1,000 miles from home following an ISTP. Your friends and family will help you. I promise. Don't get murdered. Leave straight away without delay. Seriously. No offense, istps are great people and all it's just that...you know they can get angry and it's rawther frightening.

Well I don't think it would actually come to that, but the anger yeah. Definitely. But only when triggered ya know? But when he's angry, it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And he says i've never seen him "angry" so that kinda freaks me out a bit.

Though i do appreciate your help, I still dont know what exactly I'm going to do. There is the love thing, and beneath all the crap he is a great guy, we just bring out the worst in each other. I just don't know what went wrong or when. Things used to be so great. "To good to be true, usually is"

[marzipan01]

Well I don't think it would actually come to that, but the anger yeah. Definitely. But only when triggered ya know? But when he's angry, it's like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. And he says i've never seen him "angry" so that kinda freaks me out a bit.

Though i do appreciate your help, I still dont know what exactly I'm going to do. There is the love thing, and beneath all the crap he is a great guy, we just bring out the worst in each other. I just don't know what went wrong or when. Things used to be so great. "To good to be true, usually is"

Exactly what I said. Yes, Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hyde is exactly right. Wow, that's perfect. My dad is an ISTP and always just flies off the handle at random. When he's hurt he doesn't show it. It's just every once and again something happens and he just explodes. But it wasn't terrifying until I was dating an ISTP and if you are their "pet" well, it just didn't feel safe to me. Kind of like the definition of an abusive situation. Like he could cut me up in pieces and not feel anything about it.